Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses
by Bee.Eh.Vee
Summary: Deeks and Danny commiserate with each other over their loss of blood and sanity due to their respective teams. Updated when sufficient inspiration strikes.
1. Beers?

**Disclaimer I: **I don't own either of these shows. I do own some of their seasons on DVD.  
**Disclaimer II: **FanFiction isn't letting me format the start the way I want it, so imagine the centred lines are justified to the right of the page.

* * *

You're the one who fainted at the teeny tiny prick of a needle.

Well, _you're_ the one killing the ozone layer with your addiction to aerosol hair spray.

It's called gel, but I can rightly assume you're not too familiar with hair products.

I'm sure the helmet hair comes in handy while you're fighting crime in your convertibles.

Heeey! I'm from Jersey, we fight crime in Detroit built tanks!

Yeah, you'd need them battling all those GTL-ers with their tans, T-shirts, and oh! over-coiffed hair!

WE ARE THE BIRTHPLACE OF THE GREAT AMERICAN SINGER BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN.

Riiiiight, you keep telling yourself that.

Right, and you keep telling yourself that you don't look like an overgrown sheepdog!

I BLEND, WHICH IS NECESSARY UNDER-COVER!

WHATEVER!

YOU GOT WHAT YOU NEED?

YES!

FINE! GOOD-BYE!

GOOD-BYE!

* * *

"Was that who I think it was?" Sam was sitting at his desk beside Deeks and paused in the middle of reading a file.

"Hmm, what?" Deeks glanced over as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

"First, you were yelling about hair products, Jersey, and defending your ability to 'blend'", he cocked his fingers into air quotes and continued, "second, I overheard something about Springsteen. What did Detective Williams want?"

"Ooh, great work Special Agent Hanna." Deeks leaned back into his chair and swivelled back and forth.

"Recognizing the sarcasm and choosing to not acknowledge it. So?"

Deeks smirked, "he was filling out paperwork for our joint investigation and wanted to know what contact number to put down for us."

Sam nodded, "fair enough. Why did he call you?"

Deeks shrugged, "I'm PD, he's PD, we PDs cooperate, kind of like you and your SEAL buddies."

"You were yelling at each other."

"You guys spar with each other, same difference."

They smiled at each other, swung to face their respective desks and went back to their files.

* * *

"Who were you talking to?"

Danny looked up from his papers to see Steve leaning against his office's door jamb. He had his arms crossed and was frowning.

"Why do you ask?"

Steve uncrossed his arms and shoved one hand in his pocket. "You were flailing around your hand and I could hear you through the wall." He demonstrated the waving with his free arm.

Danny held up his pointer finger and gestured to make his point. "Firstly, I do not flail, I occasionally motion." Steve started to speak but Danny switched his hand to a full palm. "Ah! Secondly, you need to stop bugging my office or listening through the walls or whatever you do. Thirdly, I don't want to hear whatever you plan to say next. Now go away."

Steve pushed himself out of the doorway, jutted out his bottom lip, nodded a few times, and stalked back to his office.

Danny went back to his paperwork only to be interrupted by a knock on his still open door. He sighed and looked back up again to see Kono.

"Boss sent me..."

Danny did let her finish, "No."

She smirked, turned on her heel, and shrugged in Steve's general direction.

Danny dropped his head but kept his eyes up, watching across the hall into Steve's office. He saw him jerk his head at Chin and then jerked it at Danny's office.

Chin pushed himself out of his chair and sauntered over to Danny.

He raised his eyebrows at Danny. "Bro, tell him and he'll leave us alone."

Danny smiled, and his head tracked Chin as he walked back to his desk. He leaned forward to lock eyes with Steve.

He called across the hall "I had to call up LA for some information on the case we had while you were off gallivanting in, oh wait, you won't tell us where you where."

Steve smirked. Danny made a face. They both went back to their papers.

* * *

_You have a new message._

_ I've got a layover in LA on my way to Jersey, beers?_

_Sure, send me the deets_

* * *

"I swear, working with Steve is shortening my life exponentially. The longer I work with him, the better the chances I'm going to lose a limb, suffer massive blood loss, or die."

"I've never been shot at so many times in my life since I started at NCIS. Two have already found their mark."

They stared into their beer mugs. Deeks ate a pretzel.

Danny grabbed his own pretzel and jabbed it in the air as he spoke. "I found out Steven has been stockpiling various weapons in my, my car." He dragged his other hand down his face. "There's smoke grenades, his swim gear, and enough ammunition to defend a small country."

Deeks eyes widened, "wow, all my partner stores is Twinkies, chocolate bars, and the occasional stale donut." He thought for a moment and then added, "however, I've never seen the trunk of Sam's car."

"He had the gall to tell me I should call my car 'Winifred'."

"SEALs, can't live with them...that's about the gist of it."

They sat in silence and contemplated the complications the SEALs caused in their lives. Deeks' phone buzzed with incoming texts. He read them and then dramatically rolled his eyes.

Danny rested his elbow on the table and jammed his fist under his chin. "What's up?"

Deeks dropped his phone and sighed. "I told them I was taking off to meet a source for a chat. Sam wants to know if I used proper spy craft to drop tails and am not in a routine. Callen reminded me to listen for anything related to our open cases. Kensi is convinced I made up an excuse to either go surfing or pick up girls. Sometimes I feel like I'm being baby-sat."

Danny smiled, "that would be nice one day. To not have to be the one that ensures that proper police procedure is followed. To not watch your partner dangle suspects off buildings or throw them in the ocean with sharks." He saw Deeks' eyes start to light up. "No, no, no! You do not get to try any of the above or anything else that Steven has dreamed up behind his aneurysm face."

"Dangling off the side of a building is definitely motivation to give up information. I've been there, done that."

"I do not want to know."

"You're right, it's probably classified or something. Did you know there are three levels of classification? Although I'm pretty sure there's more because Hetty knows things that must be past Top Secret. I think _she_ is the Top Secret."

"What does that even mean?"

"Who knows, half the time I'm not completely sure what goes on in that building."

"As long as we're putting bad guys behind bars, and they stay there, that's what's important."

"Who knew a couple of normal PDs would be pulled into these kinds of task forces?"

They sat and ruminated on that for the last couple of pretzels.

"You know what bothers me the most?" Danny sat up straight and stared hard at Deeks. He took his widened eyes as the okay to continue, "Everyone I work with his these little secrets. Steve has his SEAL secrets and whatever he's doing with Joe, Chin is newly married so he's taking random phone calls, and I'm pretty sure Kono has a couple of things she's not telling us. I'm sure you've got the same thing."

Deeks nodded emphatically. "Yeah, they're always taking calls and passing them off as a part of their routine and I never find out what's going on."

Danny smiled a smile with a hint of evil. "Tell you what, if you're ever feel the need to have your own clandestine conversation, give me a call. It'll definitely piss off Steve. You should have seen him when I called you for the info."

Deeks matched his smile, "Sam was grilling me the minute I ended the hung up. You've got a deal."

They shook hands to seal it and paid their respective tabs. Deeks dropped Danny off at the airport and headed back to work.

* * *

When Danny turned his phone back on after he landed Newark, he found a text from Deeks.

_Told Sam that we met at the same bar we always do, Callen that we only talked about the Clippers, and smudged some lipstick under my ear for Kensi._

Another one followed:

_They all wanted to know who I was texting and why. I said national security and they all got what I believe you would call aneurysm face. _

And the last:

_This is going to be fun._

* * *

_**Fin**_


	2. Butt Splinters

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer: **I own not. Too bad, so sad.

**A/N:** Originally this was a spur of the moment one-off story. However, there were some nice reviews (thanks guys!) and this is literally what prompted the second chapter:  
I am not a morning person and random thoughts tend to happen then. I was brushing my teeth and the idea of splinters popped in to my brain for no reason. This was followed by the idea of splinters in awkward places...like in the butt. Now, how would one get splinters in the tush? Who would get them? Anyone to blame?  
Steve.  
I guess there's going to be another chapter.  
Enjoy.

* * *

**Butt Splinters**

Danny, finally alone in his apartment, tugged his phone out from beneath his discarded tie. He scrolled through the contacts until he found the one he was looking for: 'Dsquared'. He checked the time on his microwave, did some quick math, and then hit the dial button.

In a hospital in LA, Deeks smirked at the caller ID and accepted the call. "Whazzup Dsquared?"

"You busy?"

"We just finished a raid that started with four suspects and ended with one dead, one injured, and two in custody. I'm babysitting the injured one. He isn't a very good conversationalist right now, so what's on your mind?"

"I hate my partner."

"I think that's already been established."

"He gets me shot, I have to force him to apologize. Now this and everyone's just laughing. No sympathy whatsoever."

"I got into it with a suspect on a canal bridge once. The only footage that apparently survived was me getting dumped off of it, not the amazing recovery. I promise not to laugh. What happened?"

"We've got this case, the details aren't important, but up until this morning, it was going nowhere. Then, we get this tip that our suspect, who we've been unable to find, is hiding out in a cabin up north."

Deeks is nodding his head, dropping the appropriate 'uhhmm', 'okay', and 'right's in at the proper times.

"We go up with just the two of us, because, apparently" Danny pulls out every vowel in 'apparently' into its own word and then rushes through the rest of the sentence in a huff: "I am his back-up."

Deeks snorks a bit, holding back a giggle. So overdramatic.

Danny continues, "I'm supposed to cover the back door while Steven does his Rambo thing and attacks from the front. He's rambling on about Pincer movements and tanks through the ear piece while I'm attempting to pick my way through the awful native vegetation..."

"Pineapple trees?"

"Many of them. So that I can get to the all-important back door. I'm just getting into position when the door bursts open and the suspect barrels head first into my stomach! SUPERSEAL DIDN'T EVEN WAIT FOR ME. HOW AM I BACK-UP IF I'M NOT READY TO BACK HIM UP!"

After some deep breathing on Danny's part, he keeps going. "So me and the suspect go down in a pile and somehow he gets latched onto my vest, because like a good cop, I protect myself when going up against possibly dangerous criminals, and we start sliding down the porch as he's trying to escape. I'm on my back, he's crawling towards the stairs and all I can feel is pain radiating down my legs. Steve makes his appearance from inside the house and jumps the guy.

"Some more tussling, yada yada yada, he's off of me and sitting on the ground, cuffed. Steve takes one look at me and starts laughing. When I begin to inform him how unprofessional it is to do this in front of a suspect, he interrupts and asks 'where on the scale of unprofessionality does mooning a suspect rank?'"

Deeks can imagine the arm flailing that went along with this and jams his fist in his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud.

Danny's voice ratcheted up a notch, "the dragging took the backside out of my pants and boxers and now...I HAVE SPLINTERS IN MY BUTT."

Deeks can't help himself anymore, tears are streaming down his face, and the nurses are starting to give him some weird looks. He pulls himself together while Danny stews on the other end of the line. When he feels his composure is back intact, he asks a question, "Why didn't Steve catch him in the house and why'd it take so long for him to get out back?"

Danny smiles at this and his spirits lift a bit, "Apparently the suspect was carrying a jug full of water and when Steve burst through the front door he splashed him. The water got in his eyes and he slipped and banged his head against the door frame. It dazed him and when he came to, the guy had already met up with me out back."

This time Deeks let the hearty laughter fly, "Steve, the SuperSEAL, defeated by...WATER?" He winked at the nurse that was presently scowling at him and she just shook her head and moved on.

"Y'know, I didn't think of it that way." Danny laughed. "I could use that against him."

"Hold up, give me Steve's mailing address at the office. I have an idea."

He's writing it down, in his own coded way, when Kensi appears at the door of the room and leans against the frame. Deeks looks up and acknowledges her with a nod and finishes up on the phone with a couple 'uhhuh's, 'yeah's, and a 'I'll talk to you later, keep an eye out.' and ends the call.

Kensi holds out his coffee and asks "who was that?"

He grabs onto the cup and answers, "a source." She doesn't let go of the coffee, squinting at him, but he just cocks an eyebrow and smiles. She relents, releasing the cup while staring hard at him. He turns back to the slumbering suspect and ignores the unasked question.

Back in Hawaii, Danny puts the phone back on the table and tries to get comfortable. The splinters hadn't hurt much going in, but getting them back out had tested his pain tolerance. He couldn't wait to see what Deeks was planning for Steve.

* * *

Danny had been welcomed back to work with a gift of an inflatable donut for his chair. He had smiled and gone along with the teasing. The fact that the donut made sitting so much more comfortable was not something he was going to admit out loud. And definitely not to his co-workers.

It was his second day back when a package appeared on Steve's desk. Steve made the face he usually made when he was concentrating or confused, his eyes squinted, the corners of his mouth turned down, and his brow furrowed. It was similar to the aneurysm face, but lacked that 'what is that terrible smell' quality. Danny watched as he hefted it to feel its weight, batted back and forth in his hands, and then stared at the shipping label.

Steve stalked over to Danny, who was staring at the computer table, and poked him in the shoulder. "Do you know what this is?"

"I believe it is a package that was mailed to you."

"Yeah, but what's in it?"

"I thought you were the one with the super X-ray vision."

"I don't have that, you use goggles for that."

"Open it, you genius and find out. That's what normal people would do."

Steve pulled out a six inch switchblade and popped open the knife. Danny sighed and mumbled "Switchblades are illegal to have and carry in Hawaii." Steve ignored him and cut open the box. Inside, nestled in tissue paper was a pair of swimming goggles.

Pink swimming goggles.

Steve switched into full-on aneurysm face. He pulled them out of the box, pinched delicately between his thumb and forefinger, as though touching them anymore would contaminate him. He looked over at Danny, who peeked into the box and pointed.

"There's a note."

Steve dropped the offending gear onto the table and grabbed the note and opened it. He read it to himself, read it again, and then read it out loud to Danny.

"_Heard that you don't like water in your eyes. Take these on your next raid and maybe they'll help._"

Steve's head whipped up to meet Danny's eyes. "Who did you tell?" He flipped over the box and read the return address, "it's postmarked out of Camp Pendleton."

"Now Steven, I wasn't the only one who knows. Chin and Kono know, the good people at the emergency room, it's in the official report. Anyone could have passed that information on." He added with an air of false sincerity, "we all know how close the brotherhood of the SEALs is." Danny smiled and batted his eyelashes. He turned to walk back to his office, "I have cases to solve" and left Steve standing, watching him leave.

* * *

_Steve just got your package. His reaction was priceless. How'd you do it?_

_I knew we had to be up at the Camp, so I packed it up and the nice postal people mailed it for me._

_Hahahaha!_

Deeks looked up to see Kensi staring across their desks at him. Deeks pointed down at his phone and said "my source, keeping an eye out." She snorted and he added "so ladylike!" and dodged the flying pen.

* * *

**A/N:** More?


	3. So Long Fluffy

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer: **I own neither the shows nor the songs on the playlist presently belting out of my laptop.

* * *

**So Long Fluffy**

Danny was content. Here he was, sitting in his car on a good old fashioned stake-out. This was police work...sniffing out leads and following up on them until they proved fruitful. He had his sandwiches packed in a cooler sitting behind him and the radio was playing the ballgame from Philly. (Satellite radio was one reason why he hadn't gone completely insane on this pineapple infested island.) It was perfect...almost.

His partner was sitting in the driver's seat and he was not happy. How did Danny know he wasn't happy? Well, Steve had told him. Repeatedly. He refused to sit still and was constantly shifting and bouncing. If their suspect didn't show soon, Danny was sure he was going to have to take him out for a walk. He was resisting the urge to dig around in the glove compartment to find a taser or knock-out drugs that he was sure Steve had stashed in there.

He was figuring out his play for the latch on said compartment when his phone rang. He pulled it out of its holder and bit back a grin at the caller ID.

"What do you have for me?"

"You busy?"

"Nah, just on a stakeout."

"Alone or with Steve, Kono, or Chin?"

"Second one."

"I hate my team."

Danny made a quick glance to his left. "I sympathize. Why don't you tell me what happened?" He heard a sigh on the other end, but felt a finger poke him on his end. "One sec," he said into the phone and then looked over at Steve, "what?"

"Who are you talking to?"

"A source."

"Do I know him?"

"Probably not."

"What's his name?"

"He's in the phone as Dsquared."

Steve scrunched up his nose, "What kind of name is that? Is he any good? Let me talk to him."

Danny held up his hand. "Steve, this is my source. I don't want you coming in the middle and scaring him off with your combat boots and generally hostile disposition." He pulled the phone back up to his mouth, "go on."

Deeks coughed and started in on his tale. "We ended up chasing a suspect through a BBQ restaurant this afternoon. Somehow everyone else was going to 'cut him off' and I was the only one left still actually chasing him." He coughed again. "Sorry, I think I inhaled more smoke than I thought. The guy gets through the seating area and back to the kitchen. I'm right on his heels when he disappears around a corner. I turn the corner and the guy..." more coughing, "the guy pulls a log out of the wood stove they use to roast the ribs and whacks me on the side of the head."

"Ouch, you feeling okay?"

"Fine, no concussion. But that's not the problem!"

"Uh oh, what's worse?"

The line filled with dead air; Danny assumed Deeks was building up the nerve to expose the horrible thing that happened. Suddenly he burst back on the line.

"The hair on the right side of my head is burned off!"

Danny thought he might have detected a hint of sniffing on the other end of the line. As a man who took both pride in his hair and umbrage at people who mocked it, he understood what Deeks felt, so he voiced it. "I completely understand how you're feeling right now."

"I knew you were the right person to call. Sam and Callen just shrugged at me and Kensi said 'so long fluffy!' and giggled into her Twinkie."

"It can't be that bad, how bad could it be?"

"Wanna bet? I'm sending you a picture."

Danny waited for the beep signalling it had come in and pulled it away from his head to look. He angled it away from Steve and opened it up. He grimaced as it was obvious what had happened. The hair was longer than a buzz cut but not long enough to fully curl up as it usually did. And on top of the cut, the ends were all singed. Poor guy.

He sensed Steve's eyes boring holes into his head and he was pretty sure he could feel the heat from the glare. It was time to poke the bear.

"Steven. The point of a stake-out is to observe the activities of your suspect. I, nor any part of the interior of this car, is that suspect. Now, I realize you are more used to breaking down doors than sitting and waiting, but this is police work. Now point those beady eyes of your in the direction of that house and leave me alone." He saw Steve's arm snake out to make a grab for the phone, but Danny smacked it down and put it back to his ear.

"It still could be worse, there's still something there to work with."

Deeks groaned. "I know, but I'm going to have to cut it even and then grow it back out again. I hate getting haircuts."

"Clearly."

"Stuff it, pompadour."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet."

"Leave it with me; I'll come up with something."

"You don't have to."

"Hey, I still owe you one." He felt the curiosity radiating off of Steve. "I have to go, my partner's getting moody." He shut off the phone.

"I am not moody."

"Eat a sandwich, you'll feel better.

* * *

Deeks had his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. He stood facing the widow of his barber and was moping. He knew he was moping, but it was hard not to; he was facing yet another round of teasing due to his hair. He'd thought about taking a razor to it himself but he was leery of the horror stories involving an uneven cut.

He was just about ready to consider a step towards the door when his phone buzzed, stoked to have a reason to delay the inevitable, he grabbed it. It appeared Danny had sent him a link. He opened it to find a picture of a fedora.

Another message followed "_Try a hat, a cool one though._"

Deeks rocked back on his heels and a slow smile spread across his face. He pulled the door open and grinned as the barber and the old men sitting in the corner cranked up the mocking.

* * *

The next morning, Deeks sauntered into work with a fedora he picked up down by the beach cocked at a cheeky angle.

Hetty met him in the hallway, she smiled up at him, "Suave, Mr. Deeks. I knew a British agent back in the day who wore a fedora." Deeks returned the smile.

Sam, Kensi, and Callen looked at him as he walked to his desk.

"What is on your head?" Kensi asked.

"A hat." Callen answered. Kensi's eye twitched a bit, and then a corner of her mouth turned up in a ghost of a smile.

Sam smirked. "Way to roll.

* * *

**A/N I:** I'm working my way through season 3 of White Collar. Fedoras are awesome.

**A/N II:** I have an idea for the next one. Sneak peek=_Zea mays_. 10 points to who can figure it out!


	4. Over 'Ear!

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer: **I own neither of these shows. I do own a dislike towards Granger (watching 'Blye, K., Part I' right now).

**A/N:** To everyone who has been leaving reviews, THANK YOU! They brighten my day and make me laugh. My coworkers probably don't understand why I chortle at random times (it's you), but the me-being-normal ship sailed a long time ago, so I chortle away.

* * *

**Over 'Ear!**

Deeks turned his phone off vibrate to find several voice messages on his phone. He started with the earliest one:

_ Call me as soon as you get this._

_ Seriously, call now._

_ Wake up, get unbusy or whatever, just call._

The messages all came from Danny. Deeks was a bit worried as to what had happened in Hawaii. He dialed the number and listened while it rang.

Danny's voice came over the line but Deeks was thinking it was a bit higher than normal. "Deeks?"

Deeks tentatively answered "yes?"

"Hold on, I have to move first." Deeks listened as it sounded as Danny moved through several doors and down a hallway or two. "Okay, I can talk now."

"You hiding in a closet?"

"...yeah."

"Okay. What's so urgent?"

There was some deep breathing before the answer came out. "Steve got lost in a corn field."

Deeks was stunned silent for a moment. "What?"

Danny repeated it slower, "Steve. Got lost. In a corn field."

Deeks started to giggle. They bubbled out from deep in his stomach. He leaned against a nearby wall to hold himself up as the giggles turned into belly laughs. Danny joined in and once they started to slow down, Danny started to chuckle and then Deeks started back up again. By the end, tears were squeezing out of their eyes and one or both of them had snorted at least once. They took some time to compose themselves and then Deeks had to ask.

"How...what...SuperSEAL?"

"Yeah, I know. We've all been trying our best to not make a big deal about it, but we've all been hiding in closets or interrogation rooms when we can't hold in the laughter anymore. Even Chin has ducked into the janitor's room a couple times."

Deeks snorted, "please, do tell."

* * *

Danny got out of the truck and looked at the car, or the sad-excuse-for-a-car, in front of him. Steve stepped out as well and they headed towards it. They had chased the car over curbs, through a park and down a country road. Steve's truck was no worse for wear, but the car was dragging its back bumper, the passenger side was crunched in from a pole, and the back window was shattered due to the driver attempting to discourage them with a poorly-aimed pistol.

They had made it to the hanging bumper with their guns drawn when the driver suddenly rocketed out of the car and tore towards the nearby corn field. Steve, of course, took off behind him. Danny followed a few steps but then watched as the guy jumped between two stalks with Steve hot on his heels.

Danny ambled back to the truck and pulled out the radio and called it in. Two squad cars rolled in and parked. The cops climbed out and looked over at Danny who was standing cross-armed staring at the spot where the two entered the field. He looked over at them and shrugged. The cops shrugged back and relaxed; one hooked his thumbs in his belt, the other leaned back against the car.

The ringing of Danny's phone broke the silence. He pulled it out and saw Steve's number pop up. "You enjoying your stroll through the corn?" He heard nothing over the line, and wondered if Steve had dialed by accident. "Steve?"

He heard a sigh. "I need some...help."

"What was that?"

"I need help."

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand."

Steve shouted, "I need help! I don't know where I am."

"Where's the suspect?"

"I don't know where he is either."

Danny smothered his mouth with his hand. The corners of his eyes crinkled as a grin worked its way out from behind his hand. He uncovered his mouth and replied, "I'll see what we can do." He ended the call and turned to the over cops and shook his head. "We have a bit of a situation. Does either of the cars have a loudspeaker of some sort?" The one held up his hand and rifled through his trunk. He came up with a handheld megaphone and handed it to Danny.

Danny held it in one hand and dialed Steve with the other. When he picked up, Danny laid out the plan. "I've got a megaphone. I'm going to sound its alarm. Tell me if you can hear it." He pointed the megaphone towards the field, turned his head away and pressed the siren button. He put the phone back to his ear. "And?"

"I heard it. Sound it every 30 seconds and I'll work my way back." They hung up and Danny set the timer on his phone. Every 30 seconds he held the button down for a second or two. The cops behind him went back to relaxing. After 21 presses of the button, Steve and the car driver emerged from the field, three feet away from where they went in. Steve pulled the driver over to the closest cop car and put him in the back.

Danny was rubbing his hands together when Steve walked over. Steve shook his head at him and stalked back to the truck. Danny turned to the cops and told them they would meet them back at the station. He walked over to the passenger side of the truck and tugged on the door handle.

"Steve, unlock the door." He held back a grin; Steve was sitting in the driver seat with his arms crossed and pouting. He knocked on the window and pointed down at the lock. "Just press the little button that has the key on it." Steve harrumphed and mashed the button with his finger. Danny swung himself into the cab and stared straight forward.

"I tried, you know. I tried using the sun, but the stalks were too high for me to get a good lock on it. I tried following the rows, but they don't plant these fields in straight lines. I even tried checking the sides of the stalks for moss, but that only works in forests."

"So the bullhorn helped?"

Steve sighed. "You're going to find out anyway; I was stumbling around in a circle until Dave, the driver of the car, bumped into me and together we got going in the right direction."

Danny pressed his lips together to stop from smiling, "as long as you made it back. Now let's get this guy booked."

* * *

"You still there, Deeks?"

"Ki..nda." Deeks had long quit being able to stand and his legs were splayed out in front of him and he was half lying on his apartment floor while gasping for air. "So not only did he get lost, he only got out because of the suspect he chased into the field?"

"His training failed him completely."

Deeks snickered. "It really did. Did he even find the marijuana?"

There was a beat of silence. "What marijuana?"

"I'm assuming the driver, Dave, has a history of drug charges."

"He does."

"And he isn't too bright."

"Not particularly."

"Marijuana growers have a habit of going into corn fields once they've grown to a certain height, taking out a block of plants and putting in their own. The height and leaves mask the plants and they mature before the corn so they can get their stash out before the grower harvests."

"How do you know this?"

"A buddy of mine from an undercover stint with Vice was from the Midwest."

"Excuse me, I have to scramble a helicopter."

"Go ahead, I understand."

"I'll let you know how it goes."

* * *

Deeks was crouched behind a bush taking pictures of a suspected deal going down when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out and opened the message to find a picture of the four Hawaiians mugging in front of 15 foot mound of marijuana plants. The caption read: '_Found and removed these plants. Thanks for the tip!_' He grinned, stuffed the phone in his back pocket, and kept taking pictures.

* * *

**A/N:** Heehee. The person who guessed a corn field gets the points! The title for the next one is: "What's with him?" but it might be a bit before it appears. Just a warning.


	5. What's with him?

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer: **I still own not. Boo.  
**A/N:** The idea of doing this story from the other team member's POV came from Saj te Gyuhyall's review. Thanks!

* * *

**What's with him?**

Steve handed Kono a beer as Chin walked out around the corner of the house to the back porch. He grabbed the other bottle out of Steve's hand and cracked it open.

"Danny coming?"

Steve supplied the answer. "No, he's got Grace for the night since Rachel and Stan have a function on the other side of the island."

Kono nodded, "I don't blame him; he gets an extra night with her, I wouldn't spend it with us either. He can see us at work."

"Is that why you don't talk to me at family functions any more, cuz?"

"I don't talk to you because I can't! Ever since that mess with Auntie and Uncle was cleared up, everyone's too busy making up for lost time."

Steve grinned, "They took you back?"

"With open arms, and more importantly, open kitchens. There have been some family specialties I've missed over the years."

"Too true." Kono saluted with her beer bottle.

They settled around the table and dug into the food Kono had gathered. She said prepared, but Steve was quick to point out that most of it came with plastic forks in take-out containers. They laughed about her aversion to cooking and she was reduced to throwing the little packets of mayo and sauces to get them to leave her alone. They had settled into a good eating rhythm when Chin piped up.

"Have you noticed Danny's been a bit off lately?"

"How so?" Kono asked around her mouth of food.

"Well, he hasn't been ranting as much lately. I wonder what's brought on the change."

Steve's head snapped up. "You're right. When I made that detour in the corn field he gave me a solid lecture about not considering the environment before chasing, but it was only the one. I was expecting him to milk it for at least a week."

Chin smirked and Kono asked, "Detour?"

"That's beside the point. Don't get me wrong, I still didn't enjoy the rant he gave, but it was substantially less than what I thought."

They all considered that, and then went back to their food.

* * *

Callen and Sam were staked out in their car watching a potential arms trafficker check out a possible transfer site. The irony that they were doing surveillance on a guy doing surveillance was not lost of them. It was keeping them on their toes, making sure they didn't get noticed, until they discovered a long-term parking lot with a perfect view that offered great cover.

Sam was folding old declassified reports into various animals and was on his way to creating a zoo. He had thought of that and was presently folding up some fences for the animals. Callen would randomly practice his Arabic phrasing on Sam as he was trying to make his sound more natural.

Callen's phone chimed, signalling a text and he opened it up to find a message from Kensi. He smiled, "Kensi and Deeks are driving each other nuts."

"So what else is new?"

"He's refusing to change the radio station because he's tired of Kensi's techno and she's angry."

"Text him and tell him to break into his emergency Twinkie stash to bribe her."

"I hope he restocked it after last month's debacle. I thought she was going to skin that suspect alive for ruining her shoes."

"I'll never forget that sight, Apparently Deeks has more arm strength than we thought; he actually picked her up and carried her out of the interrogation."

Callen smiled, "It worked out in the end. When he wouldn't talk, Deeks just threatened to bring her back in."

"I'm pretty sure he stocks a bag of M&M's in his hat because they don't melt."

"I wasn't sure about it at first, but that hat works on him, gives him a bit of a beach bum musician air, as opposed to just beach bum."

"A classy beach bum."

"Right. Even now that his hair has somewhat grown out, he still pulls it out every once and a while."

Sam's eyes slid over to Callen. "You didn't hear this, and I didn't see it, but I think Hetty has stocked some hats in wardrobe for him."

"I wonder where he got the idea."

"I don't know. I wonder if it's that source he's been spending so much time talking to lately."

"Maybe."

* * *

Steve walked in Monday morning to find Danny planted behind his desk, sleeves rolled up and tie loosened, attacking a pile of paperwork with gusto. He stuck his head through the doorway and knocked on the window to get his attention.

"What are you doing here early?"

"I am doing paperwork." He spread his arms wide, motioning to the neat piles stacked on the desk. "You should try it sometime. Or maybe, you should try to stop discharging your weapon at anything that looks at you sideways including, but not limited to suspects, racoons, and/or palm trees. That way, we would all have less paperwork to fill out."

"Okay."

"Okay? I'll believe that when I see it. These forms are due by the end of the day. Go get yours done." He looked back down at his desk and picked his pen back up.

Steve slowly backed out of the doorway and retreated to his desk. He pulled a file out of his inbox and started working. He kept an eye on the door and when Chin and Kono walked in, he waved to get their attention and gestured for them to come into his office.

He leaned forward and when Kono came through the door he whispered "close the door up to the jamb." She did and looked over at Chin and raised her eyebrows. He shrugged in response. They looked expectantly at Steve.

He set his elbows on the desk and touched his fingertips to his temples. "I can't believe it. I just got out of Danny's office with three sentences on last week's shoot-out."

"I don't know, brah, I think you should be happy and just let it go." Chin shook his head as he spoke.

Steve's face scrunched up into thinking mode. "I should know what's going on, I am the team leader."

Kono tipped her head to the side. "Boss. You were the one who took off and left a dear-Danny note. You told us when you were ready, you should let him do the same."

"But it sucks not knowing."

"I think you're finding out what it was like for him."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll deal with it...for now. But I can't guarantee I stay out of it forever."

* * *

"Eric. We need you to look up the call history on a number."

The man in question swung around in his chair and positioned his fingers over his key board. Sam and Callen each came to look over one of his shoulders and Sam quoted the number from memory.

Eric's finger was just about to put in the last digit when he stopped and turned his head side-to-side in an attempt to get a look at their faces. "That's..."

Callen clapped his hand on Eric's shoulder. "We know whose number it is and we need to see the call history."

"I don't think..."

Sam put his hand on the other shoulder. "It's alright, we won't tell anybody."

"Tell anybody...what?"

Eric's head shot up and he raised his hands in surrender. "I didn't do it!"

Sam and Callen made eye contact out of the corners of their eyes, Sam grimaced, and Callen said "way to hold up under questioning, there, Eric." They turned to face their stealthy boss.

Sam smiled, "What's up, Hetty?"

She pursed her lips and slowly shook her head. "You were about to invade your teammate's privacy."

"We have a good reason."

"I'm sure you do not. What would you do, Mr. Hanna, if someone were to check your phone records to see with whom you have been chatting?"

"Nobody would be able to, and if they figured out how, I'd hang them by their toenails."

"Hmm. You don't think Mr. Deeks would do the same?"

"He couldn't possibly do that."

"Maybe not by himself, but with help, it's a potential." She sent a hard stare in both their directions, and then left the room.

Callen turned to Sam. "We could ask him."

"We could always ask him."

"He'd tell us."

"Sure he'd tell us."

"No, he won't."

"He most definitely won't."

"We need a Plan B."

"Eric was Plan B, we already tried to get his phone."

"A Plan C, then."

"Next time we run surveillance, we'll work on it."

"Sounds like a good beginning to Plan C."

* * *

**A/N:** So. The original chapter came out of me thinking that Deeks and Danny had a lot in common, the second chapter's idea was explained there (my morning random thought), the third involves a long story of eyebrows being burned off, the fourth was due to me standing in the middle of a...wait for it...corn field, and this one's idea was nicely supplied by a lovely reviewer. My point? This story needs inspiration, whether it be a phrase, an idea, or some concept (i.e. splinters in the behind). Thus, if anyone has something random you'd like to drop in the reviews as a suggestion, go for it! I can't promise I'll use it; it might come out in a completely different direction then you thought it would, but I welcome a challenge.


	6. Look Out!

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own either show, but I do wholly own one part of the story. Why? It's fact. Happened to me the morning I started this one. My face hurt.  
**A/N:** Thanks to kath46, shestarsky, idiot9and602, the unknown guest, Unwritten-Destiny, and sunny irish for your lovely reviews! I like them, they make me smile...and when I smile, I come up with more crazy shenanigans for these two to get into.

* * *

**Look Out!**

They were just finishing up a briefing when Sam burst out laughing.

"Somewhat of an inappropriate response to a blown-up marine, there buddy." Deeks pointed out, from the opposite side of the room.

Sam made a face in his direction and then handed his phone over to Eric. "Can you put that picture on the screen?"

Eric looked mildly insulted. "Yes." He tapped a few times and the picture filled the wall screen.

Everyone stared in confusion for a minute, but then smiles broke out and chuckles filled the air.

Deeks couldn't believe it; there was Danny, feet spread apart in a fighting stance, one hand pointing at Steve, the other gesturing at the scene behind him, and a menacing snarl on his face. His eyes flicked to the scene behind Danny. The Camaro was parked alongside a curb with some coconuts scattered around it. "Wait..." he said, "Eric zoom in on the car." As the car was enlarged, there was the evidence. Divots and dents were scattered along the hood and roof of the car.

Sam smirked. "Aw, Winifred's got some dimples. Steve sent it to me saying that he had heard I had a vested interest in Danny's car."

Hetty appeared at the door. "Now that you've had your morning chuckle at Mr. Williams' expense, you have a sergeant waiting for you."

Eric handed Sam his phone back and they all headed out to solve a murder.

* * *

Danny was pacing and pissed. Pissed and pacing. The car, the one thing that was guaranteed to remind him of his mainland home every day, was his and it always was despite Steve's insistence on driving. It had so far survived everything Steve had done to it; the evasive driving, the backwood cow path car chases, the suspect Danny had tied to the hood. It was a survivor, much like him. It had adapted to its home on an island better than he had.

He kicked at the dirt and turned to pace back. The auto body shop behind him was bustling with activity and his car was backed into one of the bays. He had been presented with a massive bill and told that they could have it done by tomorrow. Considering his alternative was to drive around with a pitted car, he'd bit the bullet and choked up the money. He didn't know if his insurance covered an attack by vegetation.

He was turning his other corner when his phone rang. He saw 'Dsquared' on the display so he answered it.

"Now's not a good time."

"I heard about the car."

"How?"

"Sam was showing the picture around."

"What?"

"Steve sent him a picture."

Danny made a sound that was a cross between a growl and a yell. The workers looked up from the Camaro and stopped working to stare. He turned to face them, hiked his eyebrows up and said, "Finish the car, do it right, or I'll arrest the lot of you."

One of the braver ones (that didn't look old enough to drive) got all gangster on him and said "On what charge, huh?"

Danny _may_ have brushed his shirt back to expose his holster and _maybe_ tugged out his handcuffs and swung them around on his finger. And he _could have_ pointed the phone at them and say "I will find a charge" in an ominous manner. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't.

"What did he say?"

"Sam? Well, uh, he said Winifred's got some dimples."

Heavy, seething silence came over the line.

"There may also have been some cracks pertaining to golf balls, the island retaliating, and some desires for drinks that come in coconut shells with teeny-tiny umbrellas."

"You?"

"I just wanted the cocktails. The golf ball stuff was all Callen and Sam. Kensi came up with the karma theory."

Danny shook his head. "We're off doing interviews and I come back to a coconut tree that has decided to shed all of its fruit in one go. And of course my car had to be parked directly below it at the time. This stupid pineapple infested island." He checked his watch to see how much longer it would be until his ride back to the station would be here to pick him up. "Well, I've got a few minutes to kill. What's up with you?"

A beat of silence.

"I'm at home."

"Shouldn't you be out solving crimes? I'm not great on my time zones, but I think it's still the work day there."

"It is."

"And?"

"There was a bit of an incident. I'm making friends with my bag of frozen peas."

"That sounds ominous."

Danny heard Deeks sigh. "So my phone's acting up. I could've brought it into Eric or Nell and they would've fixed it, but we right by a store."

"Could-a, would-a, should-a?"

"Basically...yeah. I get in line and have a nice chat with the sweet lady behind me. We were talking about dealing with phones and cable and internet. She wished me luck when it was my turn at the desk because we formed the 'us against the big bad mean corporation' bond you get when you're sitting in line for 10 minutes.

"I get up, talk out my problems with the guy behind the desk, and it turns it, no problems at all. Just some slight battery issues that can be fixed by staying out of basements. At this point I'm happy I didn't bring Eric and Nell a non-problem, so I turn to the lady, who's still in line, and give her a thumbs up, because my problem's fixed.

"I turn, directly into a pole. I smoked my head so hard off of that post that I chipped the drywall off the corner."

Danny stares, open-mouthed at a point in the middle-distance. "Ow."

"The lady comes over, asks me if I'm okay, which, surprisingly, I am. I swiped the drywall dust out of my hair and headed out of the store. I am so happy that Kensi was all grumpy at me, because she decided to stay in the car instead of coming in. She didn't see a thing."

"But aren't you at home?"

"Yeah, begged off the afternoon due to a forgotten appointment for an oil change."

"Did you need your oil changed?"

"About a month ago, and I did bring it in...after I grabbed a hat to cover the bruise on my forehead."

"All you got was one bruise?"

"With a little one on my chin and a bit of a split in my lip."

"Then why the frozen peas?"

"Really? If I don't get this swelling done and the colour evened out, they'll know something happened. They're like bulldogs, they don't let go until they get all the dirty little secrets."

"Wearing a hat tomorrow?" Silence came over the line. "Right, stupid question." A red car pulled up to the curb. "Sorry buddy, my ride is here. Hope your brains didn't get too rattled."

"Thanks. Good luck with the car."

* * *

Deeks had made it through the day with no one noticing his bruised forehead. The icing had taken down the swelling and there was still a hint of green around it, but he refused to use make-up to hide it completely. Of course, his secret-keeping was aided by the fact that they caught a huge break in their murder case and had spent most of the day chasing leads and interviewing people.

His phone chimed with an incoming message later that evening.

_Car got fixed, you can't even see where the stupid little coconuts of evil hit it._

He smirked and typed a reply.

_Maybe you should invest in one of those pop-up tents. They fit into a little bag that can go in your trunk. Just pop it up when you park._

Allowing for the time it took for the message to make its way across the ocean, Danny to open it, and then use his limited keyboard skills to type, the reply came back quite quickly.

_Maybe you should invest in a back-up camera and side view mirrors._

Deeks smirked and flexed his thumbs; he felt another rant battle coming on in the near future.


	7. You're a Bum

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Still not in possession of either show.  
**A/N I:** Thanks to Unwritten-Destiny for the suggestion! I'm not telling you what it was until the end.  
**A/N II:** Thanks to shestarsky, TMVH50, volvagia09, kath46, ncisloverinnc, and sunny irish for leaving reviews! Reading through them made me decide that the coconuts are going to make a reappearance. Right now it's just a little scene so I have to find something else to add to it to make it a full chapter.  
**A/N III:** Same deal as the first chapter, I'd rather see the centre-justified things on the right instead.

* * *

**You're a Bum**

_Your state motto is 'Eureka!'_

_Oh, and yours is so much better?_

'_Liberty and Prosperity': strong and proud like its citizens._

_Boring old coots!_

_Hippies!_

* * *

"The next time you decide it's a good idea to force a foot chase to travel through a heavy wooded area, I'll clothesline you with a branch! What were you thinking?! I realize that you've naturalized to the wild and enjoy eating tree bark, but in polite society, we chase people down roads where the other police officers can join in the hunt. That way we are able to have things like back-up. And no, before you open your mouth, I am not your back-up, I'm your partner! I am a partner that does not appreciate coming _thisclose_ to falling down multiple cliffs because you can't cut someone off like a normal human. No, you have to swing down from the sky like an ape! Did you know that my dry cleaners have a bet going for what disaster I bring in next? Gracie gave me this tie, you better hope that this red dirt stain comes out, or you'll be taking her shopping for a new one!" Danny planted his hands on his hips that had been previously waving and seethed.

Steve took this as his cue to leave and fought the urge to say something as that would most likely get him to start up again. He backed out of the door and headed over to Kono and Chin who were standing in the hallway taking in the show.

"He's back."

* * *

_Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, and Sinatra!_

_Beach Boys, Journey, and The Eagles!_

_Explain Katy Perry!_

_Explain Snooki!_

_You're a bum!_

If a person could be standing beside both participants in the on-going battle, they would have heard an angry "hmph" occur simultaneously. Minutes passed as either side considered the past week of insults lobbed over the ocean. What started out as light teasing had somehow deteriorated into a war of east versus west. Simultaneous sighs sounded, neither wanted the friendship they had formed to end, but what does one say when your friend has resorted to googling to dig up new insults and you have done the same?

_Even if you are a bum,_

_I need your help._

* * *

"I don't know if this is going to work"

"It'll be fine. I've mailed all kinds of things since I landed on this remote rock of insanity."

"Not that, I'm being followed by Callen and Sam. I had a suspicion, but then Nell gave me a heads-up. She saw our GPS locations and thought something was weird."

"Don't you get freaked out by always being monitored?"

"I have my ways of slipping it."

"So why don't you slip it this time?"  
"This is Callen and Sam – they're harder to slip if I'm not prepared."

"So do you have a solution, because I can't do this by myself."

"Do you have any friends that can't be directly connected to you that would act as a middle man?"

Danny thought for a moment. "I have a buddy from the academy that's a cop in Boston. He was always up for a good prank."

"You think you could get his address in the next half hour?"

"I should be; kill some time and I'll get back to you."

Deeks smiled, time for a wild goose chase. He wanted to see how determined his tails were.

By the time Danny called back, Deeks had led a merry tour of the area around his favourite surf beach. He'd hit the local mall, which had multiple exits, forcing the two to exit the car and follow him on foot. He'd looked in on a registry for an upcoming wedding, shopped for a new pair of sunglasses, and hit on the girl running the perfume counter in one of the department stores. These stops were strategically placed at opposite corners of the mall, designed to keep is tails on their feet.

Finished at the mall, he threaded his way through the outdoor market, stopping here and there to chat with the merchants he knew. This was neither Callen nor Sam's scene, and the glimpses he caught of them could be filed under disgruntled and uncomfortable.

* * *

"This is nuts. We've watched him pick out china, stare at himself in mirrors, annoy an undeserving girl, and now we're wandering through a collection of crazy people." Sam fumed, "Why did I agree to spend my Saturday doing this?"

"Because you're as curious as me about what is going on with Deeks. He's clearly killing time."

"He's killing my patience."

"Wait...he's taking a call."

"And he's bee-lining it towards the exit."

"If only we knew who he was talking to."

"If only Eric had been a bit faster."

"Hetty still would've hung you by your toenails."

"She'd never know."

Callen froze in mid-step and then turned towards Sam, oblivious to the pile-up of people behind him. He stared at him, incredulous.

Sam pointed in the direction that Deeks had headed. "He's getting away."

"Hetty...not finding out. We're talking about the same woman right? Short, ninja-like, once almost forced us to waltz together?"

"If you truly believe that, how come you regularly pull stunts saying that she won't know?"

"I believe she doesn't know about them at the time, but I'm under no illusion that she'll never find out."

"Fine, can we go?"

Callen turned forward and they made their way through the crowds towards the exit. Once out, Callen stopped again and said, "wait, what stunts? I've never pulled stunts. Name one time I've pulled a stunt."

Sam sighed, "I left my book of 'Bad Decisions by G. Callen' at home. Let's focus on Deeks for now."

They fell back in step and searched the crowd for the shaggy-headed detective.

"I got him; he's doing some complicated hand-shake with the bongo drummer." Sam, with his height advantage, found him with ease.

"Alright. Let's see where he goes now."

"It better not be another perfume section, I think I smell like roses."

* * *

Deeks peeked behind him and passed it off as a lingering look at the redhead that just passed him. Yep, they were still behind him. After he had called Danny and come up with their contingency plan, he had decided to let them follow him. It would give them something to latch onto and lead them in a different direction.

He wove through the crowd and came upon his buddy's shop. There were plenty of windows facing the outside, so they could keep an eye on him from outside. In order to accommodate them and therefore let him do his shopping in peace, he kept within sight of the outside at all times. He made sure that they could see what he picked out, watch him as he brought it to the counter and pay for it. He had his conversation, did another complicated hand-shake with the cashier, and left the store, empty handed.

He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, raised his face into the heat of the sun, and then disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

Sam craned his neck and when that didn't work, he jumped up on a bench. "I lost him. His in the crowd somewhere, but I can't see him."

Callen shrugged, "well, we know he went into that store, bought something but didn't leave with it. I say we find out what it is."

"Badge them?"

"No, it looked like he was familiar with them. If we tell them who we are or that we know him, they'll try to protect him."

"I'll get the cashier out from behind the desk and you check the book she was writing in."

"Sounds good."

Sam walked in and, with a self-deprecating smile and a "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure where to start. My buddy sent me here saying you could help. Could you explain the differences between..."

Callen slipped in behind the two and made his way over to the book. A quick scan of it and peek at the shelf below the desk and he was back out the door.

Sam met up with him a few minutes later. "What did you get?"

"What did you get?"

"Nothing, told her I'd check back with my friend and come back."

"I got an address."

"Let's find out where it goes...on Monday. I have better ways to spend my Saturday then working."

"Better ways that don't include me, right? I'm hurt."

"Fine. You can come, only if you promise not to teach my kids how to pick the bathroom door lock again."

"Why would I teach them that again? I'd teach them something new."

"Let me rephrase that: no teaching them anything that is not firmly planted in the white area of legality. No black areas and no grey areas."

"Kill-joy."

Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes. He headed for the car with Callen trailing behind.

* * *

Eric was typing away when hands landed on his shoulders. He stopped typing and raised his eyes to the reflective surface above his screen to find Callen and Sam standing over him.

"I'm not hacking into Deeks' phone for you."

"We would never ask you to spy on a colleague for us." Sam's smile had a decidedly false air.

"No, we would just like to know who lives at this address." Callen's eyes sparked with mirth.

"Case related?"

"Yes." Callen answered.

"You realize that I know that both of you are trained liars."

"Do you want to know the truth?" Sam asked.

Eric heaved a sigh. "No, what's the address?"

Callen recited it from memory. Eric tapped away and up came the information.

"Robert Henderson, 32, married with two kids, a cop with the Boston PD. Would you like to know his shoe size?"

Sam stood up straight. "Nah, that's enough. Thanks Eric."

Callen squeezed Eric's shoulder and then followed Sam out. Eric closed the search and went back to his work.

Sam and Callen found a quiet corner in the upper hallway and thought.

Sam was the first to break the silence. "Are you sure that's the address Deeks gave her?" At Callen's nod, he continued, "What exactly did he buy?"

"I don't know, but it was clear he was having it shipped to this Robert Henderson."

"He's Boston PD, he probably knows him the same way we know Gibbs out in D.C."

"Probably a dead end; he wouldn't hide a conversations with a cop from us. He'd probably be happy to prove not all cops dislike him."

"Unless he's thinking of moving out there."

"And leave the surfing? Can't do that there."

"Probably a birthday present or something like that. A onetime thing. We have to keep looking."

They took the stairs down to their desks. Deeks slid out from behind the wall and watched them go. His secret was safe so far.

* * *

Danny ripped the packing slips off of the box and grabbed the roll of wrapping paper. One thing that becoming the single father of a little girl had taught him was proper gift-wrapping technique. He cut the paper to the proper size, taped, and folded until it was perfectly wrapped. He finished it off with the card taped to the top and tucked it under his arm.

At work he grabbed it off of the passenger seat and walked up the stairs. He nodded at Steve to follow him and they headed back down to the interrogation room. They joined the group of people milling around and they waited for the text. Steve got it and snapped his fingers and waved his hand across his throat to signal everyone to be quiet.

They could hear voices coming down the hallway. "What case is this from? How'd you get a suspect in here by yourself?"

"Danny brought him in this morning, he asked for your help. He's still annoyed with Steve about that tie."

Steve looked over at Danny who nodded and pointed at his missing tie while mouthing 'you owe me'.

Kono opened the door at the same moment Chin flipped the lights on from outside and everyone yelled "Surprise!"

She stood there, frozen in time, taking in the crowd of people, the 'happy birthday' banner hanging from the ceiling and the cake sitting on the interrogation chair.

Once the shock had worn off and she'd had a chance to greet everyone, Danny handed her the package he'd been carrying around.

"Happy birthday."

She smiled and opened the card, chuckling at the various things Steve, Max, Kamekona, and he had written. She passed the card and envelope over to him and tore the paper off the box, letting it float to the floor. He was about to open his mouth to tell her that he'd go grab a pair of scissors for her when she pulled a knife out of her back pocket.

"Swiss army knife, nice. You've been hanging around Steve too long."

"Not long enough, I have a switchblade."

"Which are illegal."

Steve shrugged and Danny sighed.

She got the box open and rummaged through the packing peanuts to pull out a jar of surfboard wax. Her face lit up as she read the label. "I've been looking for this stuff all over the island. Where did you find it?"

"There is more to this country than Hawaii...I'm not telling." Danny smiled.

She shrugged her shoulders in the universal 'I don't know what to say' gesture and gave each of the card-signers a hug.

Danny typed a message out on his phone: _Thanks bud, she loved it._

* * *

**A/N: **Unwritten-Destiny said 'a surfing thing' and this is what popped out. Thanks again!


	8. Coconut of Karma

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own NCIS:LA, Hawaii 5-0, or any coconuts.  
**A/N I:** The return of the eeeeeviiillllll coconuts!  
**A/N II:** Thanks to volvagia09, sunny irish, Sweet Lu, shestarsky, jmlane1966, kath46, storyfan101, Craftygirl11, and stront for the lovely reviews! Now, stront left a guest review, so I'll answer the question here: yes…but not yet.

* * *

**Coconut of Karma**

"So. Who's Robert Henderson? Besides being a Boston PD cop, married with two kids, and wearing a size 9 ½ shoe?"

Danny looked up from the file in his lap and stared straight out the car windshield. His shoulders sunk in disbelief mixed with resignation. "I hate you."

"I think he's a friend."

"He's none of your business."

"You talk to him a lot, huh? Call him and giggle over cases like teenage girls?"

"Exactly where do you think the line is in this partnership, Steve? Because I can guarantee you think it's further into my personal life than it actually is."

"He mailed you the wax you gave Kono for her birthday."

Danny's mind was whirling; him and Deeks had used Robert to get Sam and Callen off of Deeks' case, there was no reason it couldn't work here too. "I ripped off the labels and threw them out. You going through my trash?"

Steve's face scrunched up, "No, I got the information from the post office. It was a lot of work, digging in your garbage would have been faster. I'll do that next time." Danny began to mumble, "What was that? I can't understand when you mumble."

"I'm going to burn it from now on! Search that!"

Steve shrugged, "Wouldn't be the first time." Danny's hands flew into the air and Steve had to duck and weave to ensure he didn't get hit by flying limbs. Danny might have been aiming a bit with the hand closest to Steve's head, not that he'd admit it.

"Why were you searching so hard anyway?"

A smirk pulled at Steve's mouth, "You said that there's more to this country than Hawaii. Deductive reasoning tells me that you bought the wax somewhere on the mainland. Therefore, it would have been mailed to you. Since it was in the original packaging it must have arrived here the day of or the day before the party. That made the window smaller and all I had to do is find the packing slip from your preferred shipping company, copy the name and run a search."

Danny stared at him, aghast. His mouth gaped open and closed for a moment, but he recovered quickly, because he would never let it be said that Danny Williams had no comeback. "Why don't you show more of this 'deductive reasoning' at work, where you're supposed to be a detective?!"

Steve took his eyes off the road and grinned at Danny. "That's what I have you for."

Danny slowly hit his head off of his headrest. He rubbed his hand down his face and pointed outside the car with the other. "Pay attention, we're supposed to be on the lookout for what's-his-face."

They continued in silence for a few blocks since they still couldn't agree on a musical style to play on the radio.

"So…who's Robert Henderson?"

"You just don't give up, do you?"

Steve smiled and shook his head. "I could always get Catherine to…"

"Leave that poor girl out of this! I don't know why she puts up with you."

"Why do you?"

"I get paid by the state of Hawaii to make sure your insanity does not infect the rest of the police force."

"So?"

Danny groaned, but smiled inwardly, Steve was going for the bait that he had inadvertently set. "We went through the academy together. He moved up to Boston to be closer to his wife's family."

"He surfs in Boston?"

"No, you dolt. People vacation or have friends that know of these things. I don't know how he got it, we were talking about it and he knew where to get it. He ships it to me and we give it to Kono. Don't ruin a perfectly good birthday present by overanalyzing it."

"What if I want some?"

Danny sighed, "you don't surf."

"Sometimes I do."

"I'll call him."

"I don't need any, I've got my own."

"This conversation is ridiculous."

"No it's not. The fact that we've been driven by our suspect having lunch at that café for five minutes and you haven't noticed him any of the six times is ridiculous."

Steve watched as Danny's face screwed up and it began to turn a dark shade of red. He popped his door open and went after the suspect before Danny could rant. Of course the guy wouldn't just sit and wait for him, he had to run. Steve took after him and smiled, a good foot chase is good cardio.

* * *

They finally caught up to the suspect; they had him cornered between a retaining wall and the two of them. Steve was gesturing with his gun, telling the guy to give up, because he was done, the whole spiel. It was in the middle of his second run-through when it all went sideways.

Danny kind of saw it coming, well, he heard it. He heard a crack from above. As his head went up to find the source he met it in the middle as it was coming down. He followed its path all the way until…

…the coconut smacked Steve on the head.

Following the hollow thud, it bounced down to the ground and rolled away. Steve seemed okay, for a moment, and then he dropped like a rock. He hit the ground and limbs splayed around him.

It seemed the air had been sucked out of the area.

When it rushed back in, Danny and the suspect stared down at Steve and then Danny started to laugh. It started with a chuckle, but it soon moved into full belly laughs. Tears squeezed out of the corners of his eyes and a grin cracked his face in half. When he got himself under control, he glared at the suspect.

"Why are you laughing? Get down on the ground. Hands behind your back." Danny got him cuffed and hauled him up from the ground. He brought him over to the cruiser that just arrived on scene and got him settled in the back. He motioned for the driver to follow him to where Steve was still lying on the ground, out cold. He and the cop each grabbed an arm and tried to muffle their laughter as they half-carried, half-dragged Steve over to Danny's car. Through some interesting contortion poses and a lot of shoving, they got him into the passenger seat and strapped on his seatbelt. When all was said and done, they stood there and stared at him, all curled up in the car. Danny pulled out his cell and snapped a picture.

"That's going in my scrapbook."

The cop turned and hesitantly asked "You have a scrapbook?"

Danny turned and grinned. "Yes, I have a scrapbook. It is filled with pictures and reports documenting the stupid and unusual and insane stunts Steven has pulled. It is proof to back up my stories and possibly blackmail material if I ever need it. Some, such as this, will be perfect visual aids at my best man speech if he can ever find a woman that has enough medical insurance and is willing to put up with" he gestured towards Steve "all of this."

* * *

He drove the car back to the precinct in near silence. He could hear the air whisper in and out of Steve's mouth. He pulled up in a spot and the cruiser parked beside him. They passed the suspect over to another cop to put him through booking. He called Chin and Kono down to the car and by the time they got there, a small crowd had gathered around, wondering what Danny was up to.

He turned and addressed the crowd. "He subpoenaed my mail."

Kono giggled, "he looks so…harmless when he's asleep."

Danny signaled the cop, who grinned and hit the button that turned on the siren. It charged through the air and the following events were priceless. It was a good thing Chin had brought the video camera.

* * *

They were finding it difficult to stay sitting up. Kono was gasping about how her stomach hurt, Chin was grabbing at the table for support, and even Kamekona was rocking in his chair. Max couldn't stop hiccupping and Danny's vision was going blurry from the tears.

Someone finally gasped out, "Run it again!" Chin, who had the remote, tried three times to get the clip to play again, but when he did, it was well worth it.

The siren pierced the air and Steve shot straight up, he shot up so fast he bounced his head off of the roof of the car. He rolled, but was clipped in with the seat belt still. One hand waved wildly while the other mashed the general area of the clip. However, since he was in the passenger seat, not the driver's seat, his first attempts were on the wrong side. Once his brain figured this out and the hands switched, he did find the buckle and was freed of it. This caused him to jerk to get the belt off and in the process he rolled out of the car. Landing on the pavement in an ungrateful heap, he fought to untangle himself. When he did his hand slapped his holster where he pulled out a water pistol. They had all figured this would happen, so Chin, with his careful hands had replaced the real gun. A few seconds passed and Steve realized who was staring at him and what he was holding, so he shot them all with streams of water. It had happened so fast, half of the process was missed because people tend to close their eyes when they laugh.

That's okay, the camera survived.

Steve stuck his head around the corner, watched the last half and then rolled his eyes.

"I will get you all. Someday."

* * *

**A/N:** Mwhahaha! What goes around, coco-mes around!


	9. Remember 1989?

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer: **No ownership, just having some fun.  
**A/N I:** Thanks to Craftygirl11, sunny irish, shestarsky, volvagia09, trytofindme, kath46, and Fallenqueen2 for the reviews! And I apologize for any laughter-induced injuries caused by the last chapter.  
**A/N II: **So. Two things: one, I feel like I've been beating up Steve a lot lately. I knocked him out on a raid, got him lost in a corn field, and hit him with a coconut. He's going to get a rest this time. Second, Craftygirl11 suggested blackmail, and for a while I wasn't sure where I'd go with that, but I think I found a direction. Thanks for the suggestion and here it is:

* * *

**Remember 1989?**

Laughter intermixed with groans and jeering sounded from the side of Steve's back lawn. Danny came through the sliding door balancing a tray of chilled beers and another plate of hot wings. He shouted down at the group, "Next round's on the table." He grabbed what he wanted and then got out of the way. He watched the stampede and settled back in his chair.

"It's too bad your ACL's acting up again, we could've used you to stop that last touchdown." Marcus smacked Danny on the shoulder.

Danny gave him a wry grin, "it would always be fine if my partner wasn't a nutbar."

Steve came up the steps next. "I told you that you could stay in the car. And besides, who said he would have been on your team, he'd be on mine."

"You work with him every day, I'm sure he'd love the chance to pound you into the ground."

Danny lifted his beer in salute. "Agreed."

Jake shouted out, "How many times do I have to tell you, it's FLAG football, there is no tackling in flag football."

Someone pushed him over, "We're SEALs! We don't even use flags in capture the flag."

Jake righted himself and retorted, "Fine, but don't come crawling to me yelling 'medic' when you get hurt."

Danny grinned as he watched the camaraderie of the group around him. When Steve had invited him to his gathering of SEAL buddies, his first instinct was to turn him down. But, curiosity won out and he came. He believed that Steve was trying to prove to him that they weren't always serious and focused and…SEAL-like. After these last few hours, he was tending to agree with him. Most of the stories that they claimed were the best were classified, but there were still good ones to be told. After some prodding he'd added some of his own from back home in Jersey, and they'd laughed along with him. And not the polite, humouring laugh, but actual laughter.

They had all settled down into chairs and were talking about nothing when Greg popped out of his chair and headed around the house.

"If you have to pee, use the bathroom and not the side of the house!"

A distant "I heard that" floated back to them.

Greg came back around with a book in his hands. "My wife got a hold of my team pictures and she scrapbooked them. Normally I'd be appalled, but she actually did a nice job. I'd forgotten about most of them, but some are hilarious."

When the book landed in Danny's lap, he'd already seen the roaring laughter and heckling from the one side of the deck. He was going to pass it on, but then Greg sat down beside him and offered to add commentary about the pictures. About halfway through Danny was understanding both the humour and the heckling, but one picture made him stop.

"I think I met this guy."

"Which one?"

Danny pointed, "that one."

"Sam Hanna? Yeah, he was a character back then."

Danny looked down at the picture and a thought formed in his mind. He looked over at Greg and said, "do you think I could get a copy of that? I've got a friend that could, uh, put it to good use."

Identical smiles grew on their faces. Greg nodded, "I think that can be arranged."

* * *

Deeks unlocked his mailbox after a long day and tugged out the pile. "Bill...bill...ad...bill...ad...bill...wait..." He stopped at an envelope with a Hawaiian return address. He didn't recognize the address or the handwriting. Danny had mailed him a check for the surfboard wax so the package wasn't from him. He walked to his apartment and after closing and locking the door, he grabbed the letter opener that had been a birthday gift from Hetty and slit the envelope open. He found two things: a letter and a picture.

He decided to read the letter first, hoping it would offer some explanation. It did.

_ Dear co-worker of Sam Hanna, we hope you will be able to find a proper manner of deployment of this picture. We swear to not tell a soul about who we sent it to, if you swear to not get caught. Signed Greg & Danny._

Curiosity satisfied and then raised, he flipped over the picture and gasped. He blinked a few times to ensure he wasn't imagining the sight in front of him and then he burst out laughing.

"This is going to be fuuuun."

* * *

Sam waited for his computer to come out of sleep mode as he stirred his soup with a spoon. He found that lunch time was a nice time to catch up on his personal email accounts and other web surfing. He noticed that he had a couple of emails and went through them fairly quickly until he found one that he didn't recognize the address. He checked his anti-virus, to make sure it was running and opened the email.

_Hello Sam. Remember 1989? Because it remembers you. Don't believe me? Check it out._

Sam saw the link underneath, and considered deleting the email right away, but he was a bit curious. So he clicked on the link. And slammed the laptop shut.

Deeks looked over from his desk and said "I'd suggest clearing the bug off as opposed to using your screen to squash it."

Sam glared at him. "I did not use my laptop to kill a bug." He waited until Deeks realized that he wasn't going to tell him what had happened. Deeks watched him for a while, shrugged, and went back to his sandwich. Once he was sure that Deeks wasn't paying attention, he slowly raised his screen again and angled the laptop away from Deeks and tucked it in closer to himself.

He looked at the webpage and found it hadn't changed. He stared at the picture and then realized that there was writing underneath.

_This website is set up to be invitation only. Right now, you're the only guest. Do as I say and it'll stay that way. It's also set to send you an email whenever it is updated. Cheers._

Sam went back into his inbox and copied down the email address onto a sticky note. He logged out of the account and exited the webpage and cleared his internet history. He gulped down the remainder of the soup and then headed up to Eric.

* * *

Deeks grabbed a table near the hedge of the patio. He wanted to make sure they wouldn't be spotted by a random passerby. He ordered some drinks and waited. He snacked a bit on the bread but didn't want to ruin his appetite. He spotted the head of the body he was waiting for bobbing through the crowd and sat up straight to see if he would have to wave. He didn't and soon his dinner partner was sitting beside him.

"He bit and he bit hard." Nell grinned.

Deeks nodded, happy that their plan had worked.

He had realized very early that he couldn't do this alone. There was no way his average computer skills would hold up against the inevitable tracing Eric would perform. He thought about going with the snail mail or dead drop methods, but found it too cumbersome and complicated. He needed a partner. His first thought had been Eric, but he was known to crack under pressure. Especially Sam's pressure. Better he know nothing. Deeks had at first not considered Nell, but after some time realized that she was perfect; she was under the radar, able to act completely innocent, and as dangerous with a computer as Eric. He approached her, she had said yes instantly.

"It was a very good plan that you constructed." Nell blushed. "I'm serious, I would have just used an email address to do this."

Nell smirked, "and Eric or I would have caught you in minutes."

"But a website, what did Eric find?"

"Exactly what I predicted, that it's registered somewhere in a –istan country that has very loose laws regarding the internet, was created and updated by a John Smith, and thus, next impossible to trace. There's a long shot he can figure it out if he's tracing while an update comes in, but since Sam won't tell him what case it's related to, he's not going to but resources on it."

"What if Sam does convince him to do it?"

"It will become a very confused little trace since I already have a program in the servers to counteract it."

"I won't ask how that'll work because I won't understand anyway."

"True." Nell tipped her head to the side and picked up a menu. "So what's good here?"

* * *

Sam tensed as he read that there was an email indicating _that site_ had been updated. He'd spent the better part of the last week going through a range of emotions. He didn't know what this person wanted, and until he did, he didn't know how to fight them. He opened the link with some dread and read the post.

_Your co-worker Eric Beale's car is at the mechanic and he is being taken advantage of. They are convincing him that he needs more work than necessary. Since you harassed him about this site, of which he has no knowledge, it would be good if you fixed this problem for him._

The name and address of the mechanic along with a copy of the work order was listed underneath.

He could fix that; it was the least he could do and it was something he was good at.

* * *

Deeks' phone chimed with a text.

_Car all fixed, only what had to be done. Eric's really happy._

He smiled down at his phone. He happened to pass Nell in a back hallway not long after and they high-fived each other.

* * *

**A/N: **No coconuts in this one, I know. They'll come back...sometime (Duuuh duh...duuuh duh).


	10. Make it a Decaf

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I presently own a stubborn cold, but no rights to TV shows. Double bummer.  
**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews! IloveDanno, shestarsky, sunny irish, storyfan101, volvagia09, kath46, pheonixriv, TMVH50, and ncisloverinnc, I enjoyed reading each one!

* * *

**Make it a Decaf**

Everyone was on edge. Someone whacked their knee on the corner of a desk and the ensuing bang that echoed through the building resulted in hands on guns and cover taken. Those not armed did some deep breathing and tried to settle the nervous twitches they had developed. Coffee cups were only filled halfway and there was building-wide switch to decaf. Extra care was taken when opening doors, turning on computers, and when one had to venture down a dark hallway.

All this havoc was due to one person.

Sam Hanna.

* * *

It had all started when Sam left to go on a reunion trip with his SEAL teammates. He was vague about what event they were celebrating the anniversary of, but it was clear that whatever it was, they were on the winning side. It was a quiet week with some smaller cases. Callen took the time to check in on some long-term covers he was maintaining. Kensi and Deeks had a minor squabble over a new donut flavour, but it wasn't anything serious. Eric tried to find someone to challenge him on his new video game, but no one was too interested due to Hetty and her cameras. Overall it was a dull week.

If only the next had been half as dull.

It had begun as small things; somehow there was not a Kleenex to be found in the entire building on Monday. No problem, a requisition was placed for more.

On Tuesday morning, Eric and Nell started up their computers, but found out that neither the keyboards nor the mouses would work. This caused a minor panic and a massive replacement of batteries. When that didn't work, wires were traced and checked to see if they were plugged in the proper places. They were. Frustration began to set in, especially when a case came in and they were unable to gather the necessary information. Finally, in an act of desperation, Eric crawled in behind and jiggled the chords. Turns out all the plugs were resting, and not fully pushed in. With grunts of annoyance he pushed in each plug and they were up and running again.

On Wednesday Callen sat down on his chair, only to have it completely fall apart. It had been disassembled and put back together with Velcro. He had come in last due to a minor leak in his kitchen sink which he wanted to fix first. As he lay on the floor staring at the ceiling, his coworkers forming a circle around him looking down in concern, he realized his sink had been tampered with. He voiced this thought, loudly, but nobody would own up to it. The problem was that he worked with a group of people highly skilled in picking door locks. The chair pieces were stowed away in the corner when a search through the office area did not yield the screws necessary to reassemble it properly.

Thursday morning started with Nell discovering anything she had stored, supplies, equipment, and belongings, had been moved up a shelf. The problem was the next shelf up was too high for her to reach and she spent the day hauling around a step stool to put everything back. Kensi went into a frenzy when she noticed everything on her desk had been moved. All of her knick knacks were out of place. When she broke into her sugar stash to cope, she found everything sweet was gone and had been replaced with fruit jerky. Deeks was sent to the closest store to restock. He used his LAPD issue strobe light to clear a path and made it there and back in record time.

Eric tried to run the security cameras to find out who was behind the attacks, but they were mysteriously clear of a suspect. Clearly someone knew the blind spots. To cope, Eric and Deeks snuck into the evidence room and made off with their surfboards during the lunch hour. They were feeling much better when they paddled out into the waves. Unfortunately, their break was short, but they had made it a habit to sneak some time to make sure the boards were always ready to go. They could, in theory, drive to the beach, catch some waves, and then stash them and clean them up later. They had no time to really check the boards, but trusted that they were good. They weren't. One after another they went to stand on the boards and promptly fell off. Another attempt gave the same result. Finally Deeks ran his hand down the area where his feet would go and found it slippery. He motioned for Eric to do the same and he found the same. They looked at each other in shock, attempting to process. Someone had messed with their boards.

They had gone too far.

Deeks and Eric schemed and planned on their drive back into the office. Under the pretense of shuffling paperwork the way she did when Hetty was recovering, Nell (who was eager to join in) deposited several additional cameras around the building. The three retreated to Eric's house after work to monitor the office. At 2:30 in the morning, they hit paydirt. A hulking shape came in front of one of the cameras and made its way to Sam's desk. Eric hovered over the keyboard, mumbling about light, contrast, and zoom capacity. They switched angles and found themselves staring at Sam placing a container on his own desk. A little shocked, they continued to watch as he positioned it _just so_ and then slipped back out the building.

Eric was the first to break the silence, "What was he doing?"

Deeks wrinkled his nose. "I believe he is doing a prank on himself. Otherwise we might suspect him."

Eric swung his chair around. "What are we going to do?"

Deeks pushed himself off of his chair and slapped Eric's shoulder. "Nothing. We are going to do nothing. Forget this night ever happened." He winked at Nell over Eric's head. "It would be better for our health if we didn't directly tangle with Sam."

A spark flashed in Nell's eyes at Deeks' mention of 'directly'. "Could you give me a lift home? I should get some sleep tonight."

Deeks nodded and together they left Eric's house.

They had some thinking to do.

* * *

Friday morning dawned dreary and overcast, much like the mood in the office. The effect of staying on guard was wearing on people. They all wished for a peaceful last day of the work week.

Sam sauntered in, a bit later than usually, and found the present he had left for himself. He made a show of carefully opening the container, wincing and moaning at the contents, but he made sure no one else got a look in. He jammed it into his bag and locked the whole thing in his locker. Deeks traded looks with Nell, who had stepped down the stairs to take in the show. He was so going down.

* * *

Sam laughed to himself as he came into work Monday morning. His reign of terror last week had made everyone nervous and it was fun to let loose like he used to back in the SEALs. He booted up his computer to find an email waiting for him, saying that the website that held that dreaded picture had been updated. He took a deep breath and clicked the link.

He scrolled quickly and only caught a flash of hair and glimpse of shiny, metallic fabric. He grimaced and focussed on the update.

_You will take credit for the pranks that have been occurring around the office._

Sam pursed his lips and thought for a moment. He was the one that was doing all the pranks, and he was thinking about admitting it anyway. He made a quick decision and drafted an email to be sent to the staff stating that he was the one behind the pranks. He decided against apologizing, as he was sure everyone understood that it was all in good fun. He read it again and then sent it off.

People continued to filter in around him and there were a couple of quick replies to his email; most were giving him a hard time or congratulating him. He was feeling pretty good until a seed of dread formed in the pit of his stomach. It took root and grew quickly. Unnerved, he lifted his head slowly to find Hetty staring at him across his desk and a loose semicircle of people behind her.

"Mr. Hanna." She drew out the words and Sam found that seed of dread turning into a boulder.

"Yes, Hetty?" He kept his voice steady.

"I understand from your email that you are responsible for the various comical occurrences that have taken place over the last week."

Sam pressed his lips together and nodded, not sure where this conversation was going.

"I have my eye on you." Hetty said with deep seriousness. She lifted her hands from where they were hiding behind his desk. She placed an object on the top of his desk, pierced him with a glare, turned, and walked back to her desk.

Sam looked up at the crowd, they were all hiding giggles and smiles behind snorts and hands. They began to disperse and he watched until they were all gone. Only then did he look down at what Hetty had put on his desk.

It was yellowish and slightly jiggly. He poked at it and decided that it was ballistic gel. He was confused as to why a block of gelatin had Hetty so worked up. A glint of something caught his eye and he looked closer.

Oh no.

No no no.

It couldn't be.

But it was.

And he had just taken credit for it.

He didn't do it.

Hetty thought he had.

But he didn't.

The icon signalling a new email blinked at him. Sam swallowed and clicked on it to find another email from the website.

_No turning back now._

Sam wanted to swear but it wasn't in his nature.

Hetty thought Sam surrounded her beloved letter opener in a ballistic gel jail.

He was dead.

* * *

Nell and Deeks rested their arms on the railing ringing the upper level and stared down on Sam going through a range of emotions. They did a side fist bump and went their separate ways.

Another mission successfully completed.

* * *

**A/N:** Now, you didn't think I'd tell you what's in the picture right away?


	11. 2B or not 2B

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I own a vivid imagination but not two successful TV shows. Good news is the cold cleared up.  
**A/N:** Pranks abounded, but the reviews were kind; thanks to jmlane1966, shestarsky, Craftygirl11, volvagia09, and pheonixriv! Glad you enjoyed it! (I'm not cruel...maybe a little...)

* * *

**2B or not 2B**

"Where did you learn to tail a suspect, huh? The point is that he _does not_ see you! That way, it doesn't turn into a long and highly dangerous car chase. If you were to properly execute your job no citizen would know that police work is occurring around them. Instead, you've got drivers screaming in fear and causing accidents that the department will have to deal with. They are busy enough; you don't have to create more work for them!"

Steve was staring hard at the car he was chasing, but had been tailing, and trying to ignore the rant coming from the seat next to him. He sometimes wondered how Danny had achieved such great lung capacity that he could talk for such a long period without taking a breath. Practice, probably.

"Furthermore, now this clown knows that we're on to him. The element of surprise is completely gone. You know what happens when a repeat offender gets into the interrogation room…they become harder to crack and thus waste time we could be using to find the stolen jewels."

Steve was tempted to roll his eyes, but it was like Danny could hear that and it would only rile him further. Best to just wait him out.

"WOULD YOU WATCH OUT FOR PEDESTRIANS? THEY ARE PEOPLE NOT TRAFFIC CONES!"

Danny finally paused to take a breath but in the moment of silence his phone chimed indicating an incoming text. He yanked his phone out of his pocket while maintaining a death grip on the holy-shit-handle located above his door. He opened the text, harrumphed and then grinned. He tucked the phone back into its home.

Steve, who had been paying a little too much attention to what Danny was doing, focused back on the car he was chasing. Which had stopped. Dead. Right in front of him. He slammed on the brakes and the car stopped a mere inch away.

They both leapt out of the car and took down the suspect before he could get too far. Steve got him handcuffed and pulled him up to hand him off to Danny.

Danny was busy stuffing a piece of paper back into his shirt pocket. He took him with the other hand and grimaced at the customary 'Book 'em Danno'. After he had him safely in the backseat of the car, he looked over the roof at Steve.

"I know you were panicking when you tried to stop the car."

Steve adopted an innocent face, "What are you talking about?"

"You panicked, your eyes widened." With a satisfied smile Danny swung himself down into his seat leaving Steve to shake his head and follow suit.

* * *

_3…2…1…Go!_

Callen's voice came through Deeks' earpiece and he unconsciously counted along. At 'go' he kicked the door with all his might and broke it open. It swung drunkenly on its hinges and he shouldered through it with Kensi close behind him. They went room by room clearing the house. They could hear activity at the front where Callen and Sam breached the house. Their intel told them that there should be two people in the house but Kensi and him kept clearing until they met up with the rest of the team and their prisoners.

Deeks cradled his gun and looked down at their suspects squirming on the floor. "You're going to need some new doors when you get out of prison in 25 years to never."

Fist bumps and high fives were traded as they did their usual post-raid clean up. Deeks and Kensi stowed their gear in the back of the Cadillac and checked their phones. Deeks found a text which he opened. The one side of his mouth quirked up in a smirk and he dug a piece of paper out of his back pocket. Kensi watched but didn't comment. She was trying to untangle her vest from her hair and wasn't being very successful.

Deeks dug around in the cargo area until he came up with a pen. He made an X and then chewed on his bottom lip while he thought. Decision made, he texted his reply.

* * *

Danny was writing up the paperwork on their car chase through the downtown while they left their suspect on ice down in their interrogation room. He had been right, the first words out of the guy's mouth was that he wasn't saying anything.

His phone chirped at him and he opened up the text.

"Bold move" he mused. He pulled out the paper from his front pocket and made an X of his own. He sent his response back.

* * *

And so it went for the next two days. In two states texts were read and X's were made on sheets of paper that were carried around in pockets. The partners began to get suspicious of the little notations that were made. Kensi was beginning to suspect some sort of betting addiction and Steve just figured that Danny was becoming even more crazy. Or possibly sorting out his plans for his Grace's future boyfriends.

Finally Kensi managed to slide close enough to Deeks and she slipped the paper out of his pocket. He tried to grab her hand, he always paid attention when Kensi's hands were near his butt – prime crack, ahem, joke material – but he was too slow. She led him on a merry chase which ended with her in the women's bathroom.

She could hear Deeks through the door. "That won't stop me! I've seen the inside of girls bathrooms before!" She shuddered at how cherry he sounded as she unfolded the paper.

He wiggled the door handle. Locked. "Okay that may slow me down a bit."

She grabbed the handle and held it still. He may unlock it, but he still had to twist it to get in.

Outside, Deeks was on his knees working his lock picks. He heard someone gently clearing a throat and he looked up to see Hetty watching him. Through teeth clenching his lock pick case he said "Kensi locked herself in the bathroom."

Hetty gave him a look, and then turned and left. Deeks sighed in relief and popped the lock open. He twisted the handle and leaned on the door only to have it ripped open. He fell through the doorway and landed in a heap.

"What is this?" Kensi jammed the page in his face.

Deeks attempted to right himself but Kensi wasn't letting him get the space until she got an answer.

He sighed, in frustration this time, "I'm playing Battleship with a buddy."

Kensi's eyes narrowed.

"I'm serious! Two 10x10 grids, 5 boats each, and communication; that's all you need to play."

Her eyes darted back to the sheet, weighing what he said with the paper she held. She pursed her lips and slowly handed it back. "You better win."

"So far he's fallen for my trap." Deeks grinned, "It'll be any move now and I'll have him."

* * *

Kono supervised the loading of the jewels into the armoured truck that would take them back to the precinct. Chin was coordinating with the company that wanted them back as soon as possible. Steve was making a general nuisance of himself, or so Danny thought. He was still slightly peeved at the length of time it had taken to crack that suspect; however once they got the information out of him, it had only taken a few hours to get to this point. He was feeling good.

His phone buzzed and he opened the text from Deeks. The position he attacked gave Danny a bad feeling. A feeling that only got worse when he pulled out his game sheet.

Steve's head snapped up at Danny's cry of despair. "What happened?" he asked, worried it had something to do with the case.

"HE SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!"

Steve rolled his eyes and walked away. He would _never_ understand Danny's outbursts.

* * *

**A/N:** Danny and Deeks back in action as requested.


	12. Never Ever Ever Ever

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** The list of things I don't own grows: two TV shows and a popular pop song.  
**A/N I:** Reviews! I heart them. They're usually the reason I'm smiling at my inbox. Thanks to jmlane1966, shestarsky, storfan101, Craftygirl11, HayNSW2711, pheonixriv, sunny irish, narwhayley, idiot9and602, volvagia09, kath46, Mickey-Phil, a guest, trytofindme, another guest, iampurplelavender, LadyLexius, and Katy Cooper. There were a lot of you this time, and I promise I'll keep up with this provided I'm still coming up with ideas. Lucky for you random ideas are always popping into my head. My poor family.  
**A/N II:** As hinted to earlier, this story does feature a song. It might make more sense if you've seen the music video for it but if you want to be surprised, skip down to the story. For everyone else: Taylor Swift's 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together'

* * *

**Never Ever Ever Ever**

"Hello?"

The voice boomed from the speaker "Where is your destroyer?"

"What?"

"I realize that you won, but it's driving me nuts. Where is it?"

"I can't talk right now."

"Why are you whispering?"

A beat passed. And then another followed by "I'm hiding."

A pause occurred on the other end of the phone line, "From who, exactly?"

The answer, although he was loathe to say it, was whispered, "Hetty."

The cackling that came over the line was down-right witchy.

Deeks blew out a breath, quietly. He whispered into the phone "I'll call you later" and hung up. He flipped the phone to vibrate, ducked from his hiding place and raced towards the parking lot.

* * *

_What did you do?  
__Bad enough to be hiding? You're dead.  
__I know you're getting these…are you ignoring me?  
__Want my vest? It's saved me from Steve, it'll be there in a couple hours.  
__Ha! JK, she's much more lethal than Steve.  
__There's no saving you.  
__Is your will updated?_

Deeks considered dumping his phone in the ocean after the third message from Danny, but he knew it wouldn't help. He standing outside the boat shed when he got a call. On edge, he barked his opening line of "What?!" a little harder than usual.

"Mr. Deeks…we need to talk."

Good thing his will was updated.

* * *

Danny rubbed his hands together in anticipation when his phone rang and 'Dsquared' popped up as the caller. He may have giggled a bit. He wondered if it was the lawyer calling to tell him that Deeks had left him something.

"Are you still in one piece?"

A deep sigh echoed through the line. "Yes. Hetty's letter opener is out getting cleaned."

Danny bounced his foot on the floor and grinned, "No holding back, what happened?"

Another sigh bounced through the speaker. "Fine. No talking until its over."

* * *

Deeks slowly walked to Hetty's office, knowing he was in some sort of trouble. He jammed his hands into his pockets and ducked his head. He gently kicked his foot against the platform support in lieu of knocking. Hetty raised her head from her laptop screen and waved him to the visitor seat. Deeks dropped himself into the seat and sheepishly looked at Hetty.

"I'm sorry Hetty. It's just that I saw Kensi chasing the suspect towards the pond and I know how annoyed she gets when she ends up diving in water when she's wearing pretty dresses. I know I was wearing an expensive suit, but at least we saved Kensi's dress, right? Right?"

Hetty pursed her lips as she listened to Deeks' ramble. "Your replacement costs are still below those of Mr. Callen. I wrote that suit off the moment you walked through the door." She leaned forward. "No, I want an explanation about this." She turned the computer around and hit a button to begin a video.

Guitar chords rose from the computer's speakers and Deeks' stomach dropped to the basement.

_I remember when we broke up the first time  
Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like  
We hadn't seen each other in a month  
When you said you needed space. (What?)_

The footage showed the interior view of the car he took up to the base. It was a long drive and he pulled another one of his stunts to get the car to himself. At this particular moment he was parked in a long line of cars stopped for construction.

_Then you come around again and say  
"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me."  
Remember how that lasted for a day?  
I say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me, "I love you."_

Sam, Callen, and Kensi were in the car in front of him and he chose to reinforce his bad/annoying/questionable/awful music choices, as described by his partners, during this traffic jam.

_ Oooh we called it off again last night  
But oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you_

In the car he started to sing along, giving the crazy eyes to his partners on the last line.

_We are never ever ever getting back together  
We are never ever ever getting back together_

He threw his hands in the air, waving them back and forth.

_ You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me  
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together_

Somehow the people around him became either his friends or their friends as he pointed them out as the song suggested. The waggling finger came out because 'never ever ever ever' means no.

_Like, ever..._

Somehow that made him flip his hair like a valley girl.

_I'm really gonna miss you picking fights  
And me, falling for it screaming that I'm right  
And you, would hide away and find your peace of mind  
With some indie record that's much cooler than mine  
Oooh, you called me up again tonight_

He started mouthing the words in a distinctly teenage-sarcastic way.

_ But oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you_

The car in front of him got the crazy eyes again.

_We are never ever ever getting back together  
We are never ever ever getting back together  
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)  
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together_

He repeated his chorus actions again, complete with waving and pointing.

_Oooh yeah, oooh yeah, oooh yeah  
Oh oh oh_

Pursing his lips and rolling his eyes he sang out the notes.

_ I used to think that we were forever ever  
A__nd I used to say, "Never say never..."_

He used the next verse to gauge the reactions of his team in the other car.

_Uggg, so he calls me up and he's like, "I still love you,"  
And I'm like... "I just... I mean this is exhausting, you know, like,  
We are never getting back together. Like, ever"  
No!_

Sam: stoically ignoring what is happening behind him, Kensi: lips curled and nose scrunched, so, disgusted, Callen: seemingly mildly amused. Huh.

_ We are never ever ever getting back together  
We are never ever ever getting back together  
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me  
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together_

The chorus came around again and so did the waving and pointing.

_ We, ohhh, getting back together, ohhh,  
We, ohhh, getting back together_

He threw in a couple of fake laughs along with the waving.

_ You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me  
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together_

Bringing it home with some final pointing and dancing in his seat and then the song was over.

And so was the video. He raised his eyes from the screen to Hetty's face. He was about to ask where she got the footage but she beat him to it.

"On board cameras have been installed in all the cars to increase our surveillance ability."

He wasn't sure why the cameras would be pointed to the interior of the car. "The song came on the radio?"

Hetty dropped her chin and stared at Deeks over the rims of her glasses. "Is this a regular occurrence?

"No…the opportunity presented itself."

"The opportunity to…?"

"Reinforce the idea that I'm a terrible person to be stuck in a car with on a road trip."

A small smile graced Hetty's lips. "One of these days the rest of the team is going to figure out that you've been playing them."

A matching smile appeared on Deeks' face. "Not playing them, just playing _with_ them."

Hetty chuckled. "Be careful, I need my agents speaking to each other. Go on, go home."

Deeks stood and spun on his heel. He'd dodged a bullet, he was lucky that his antics amused rather than annoyed his ninja boss.

* * *

Danny stared at the wall and blinked, trying to figure out what to say to that. "So you were worried about Hetty tearing a strip off of you because you destroyed an expensive suit but it turns out she doesn't care about that. What she does care about is a recording of you singing all the words to a Taylor Swift song in order to continue getting a car to yourself?"

"Yes."

"…Can I get a copy of that video?"

"No!"

Danny huffed and changed the subject, but somewhere in the back of his mind he was plotting. Plotting how he would weasel that tape out from under Hetty. This was something he had to see.

* * *

**A/N:** Because who doesn't sing and dance to a catchy song when stuck in traffic? I only like to update this one when I get a good enough idea. However, another one came to me, but it might be a bit before I can get it up. Here's a teaser to hold you over: Steve + a baby.


	13. Oh Baby!

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Still no owning, just playing  
**A/N: **Reviews, so pretty. Thanks to storyfan101, jmlane1966, pheonixriv, Katerbell, HayNSW2711, shestarsky, Craftygirl11, sunny irish, Mickey-Phil, Mei2, volvagia09, a guest, and stront. Glad to see that so many of you came back even though it was a while between chapters.

* * *

**Oh Baby!**

"I know that look. What's got you so worked up, because you should slow down on the thinking before whatever is causing the aneurysm face causes an actual aneurysm. I'd rather not see blood leaking from your ear. The janitors have enough work after you decided to take a swim in one of the polluted channels that litter this coconut-infested island."

Steve looked up from where he was hunched over his computer. His eye twitched and then he ground out "I don't have an aneurysm face, blood doesn't leak out of your ear after an aneurysm and Cindy the janitor doesn't mind."

"Yes you do. It's all up on your block head right now."

The eye twitch intensified so Steve gave in. "One of my SEAL buddies just had a daughter and I'm trying to figure out a present for them."

Danny squinted at his partner, "Have you never bought a baby present before? Is this completely new for you?"

"No, it's just that I've been deployed all the other times so we'd take the father out for beers and then send a cheque home from the team."

A smile worked its way across Danny's face and he laughed a bit. "Well, are the parents registered any where?" After a beat Danny got his answer from Steve's look of confusion. "You have no idea what I'm talking about. Shove over." Danny made his way to the laptop's keyboard and surfed the internet for Toys-R-Us webpage. A few clicks and he found himself on the baby registry page. "See, you put in the parent's name, which are?"

Steve regained control of his computer and typed in the names in the appropriate places. He got to the 'search' button first and smiled in satisfaction. That feeling left him when he found himself staring at a page of items, numbers, and prices. The aneurysm face crept back on.

"Now what?"

Danny smiled inwardly, "Now you pick something, buy it, wrap it, and give it to them."

Steve scrunched up his nose, "How?"

Danny stopped holding in his smirk. "You go to the store."

The internal battle played across Steve's face until he sighed in resignation. "Let's go."

Danny stood and held his hands up, "Woah, 'let's'? Why do I have to come?"

Steve glared at him. "This was your idea and clearly you have experience. Grab your purse."

Any retort Danny had was drowned out by Steve's stomping to the door and the slam of the door hitting the wall.

* * *

Danny slid across the passenger seat as Steve took the corners a bit harder than necessary. He was giving the instructions to turn early enough but Steve was taking his bad mood out on the road and the tires. They squealed to a stop in front of the store and they exited the car. Steve had gotten three steps, or five of Danny's, when Danny pulled him to a stop.

"I know I'm going to have to remind you of this, even though every human being would be able to deduce it, but you're you. This is a store for kids and babies. This is where mothers go to shop and coo over cute things. It is not a mission or a war zone so drop that snarl and try acting pleasant for the duration of this shopping trip." He punctuated his statement in his trademark style; a wave of the hand here, a pointing finger there, and finished off with matching 'A-ok' hands.

Steve released a deep breath through his nose and stared hard at his partner. He squinted a bit and quirked one side of his mouth before nodding in agreement. He tipped his head to the side and smiled.

"That is a bad fake, but I'll take it." Danny whipped out the printed registry list from his pocket and started walking towards the store. "The nice part of registries is that everything on here is something the parents want. Plus the price is listed with everything so you just figure out how much you want to spend and match it to an item."

A blast of air-conditioned air hit them as the doors swooshed open. Danny made the turn towards the babies section and after a few steps in realized that he was alone. He turned to see Steve frozen at the first rack, a look of panic on his face. His eyes were darting around the area and he had that ready-to-bolt look about him. Danny walked back to him and motioned for him to keep moving.

Steve grabbed the closest box to his side and shoved it at Danny. "That'll work."

"Baby monitors. That's actually appropriate coming from you."

Steve's eyes darted to Danny, "Is that bad?"

"You did manage to pick out the $300 ones that can be monitored from your phone so it's even more appropriate."

The eyes bugged out at the price. Steve took a deep breath and carefully took the box from Danny's hands and placed it back on the shelf. "What's on the list that's about a sixth of that price?"

Danny started flipping and calling things out as he found them. "There' a Jolly Jumper on here, they're always entertaining." A finger slid down the page, "A bunch of different toys. Flipping the page, hmm, oh wait! Here, there's a diaper bag on here that's a backpack. I bet that's so your SEAL buddy won't be embarrassed carrying around one of those frou-frou bags. I wished they had those when Grace was born. There is nothing more annoying than carrying a pink bag around when the kid isn't there."

Steve tried to take in all information, but he realized he was staring right at the nursing section and his mind blanked for a moment attempting to process how big the section was. "So…you suggest the backpack?"

"You like backpacks don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then let's go find it."

Steve swallowed and looked down at his feet.

Danny read his mind and gave his arm a tug, "That means that you have to enter the world of babies merchandise. Just breathe and try not to pass out. The mothers tend to find men passing out around babies hilarious." He led the way and headed towards an aisle in the centre of the room. They turned the corner and a frown tugged at Danny's mouth.

"These aren't backpacks."

"Thanks genius. They're constantly moving things in this store. Hold on." Danny looked around and then flagged down some help. He showed the lady the registry and she pointed them in the right direction.  
Once in the aisle Steve looked up and down the display. "Which one is it?"

Danny smiled, "This is why you take a detective with you, I can detect which one it is. You look at the number," he held his thumb under the entry, "and match it with…" he scanned the shelves and stopped at the right one "the one you want." He grinned at a scowling Steve.

"I could have done that. It just would have taken longer."

"Unfold your arms Grumpy and grab your present."

Steve made a face at Danny and pulled off the backpack. He turned and scouted the quickest path to the check-out. They were halfway there when a lady popped out in front of them.

"Hi, I hate to bother you, but we could really use your help. My daughter and I have picked out a high chair, but the box is on the top shelf. We could use a tall strong man to lift it down for us." The lady latched onto Steve's arm and pulled him over to the display. Danny snatched the backpack out of Steve's hand and smirked in satisfaction. He lagged behind, enjoying Steve's discomfort.

The daughter and mother were in the middle of directing Steve to pull off the high chair off the second shelf. He put it on the ground and was in the middle of accepting their thanks and making his exit when Danny piped up from behind.

"That one? Are you sure? I know it's cheaper, but we had one from the same brand and it broke after a couple months."

The daughter turned and asked "how hard was your son on it?"

Danny grinned "Daughter, and she was light as a feather in it. I went to strap her in one day and the seatbelt broke right off; it happened conveniently right after the warranty expired."

She turned to Steve and flapped her hands at him "Put it back! That won't do." She turned back to Danny, "Which one do you suggest?"

And so began a 20 minute discussion between the two ladies and Danny about high chairs. The discussed building materials, size, foldability, and price. They debated over each feature the different options had. Steve shifted from foot to foot getting increasingly antsy. Danny noticed and when the debate began to slow down, he would rev it back up again by throwing out a curveball. Steve noticed after the third time and took the opportunity to stick his tongue out at Danny over the ladies' heads. Danny chose to ignore the antics and carried on.

Finally, after all the points had been thoroughly considered, they decided on a high chair that was located on the third shelf. Steve wasn't quite tall enough to reach it, even though he tried really hard, and a store manager came over with the ladder to get it down. Once on the floor, Danny offered that Steve could carry it to the check-out for them. His tongue made another appearance.

A line had formed and the ladies took that as an opportunity to show off the child who needed the high chair and three of them swapped stories. Steve was stoic. Once they got to the front, Danny insisted that the ladies go first and Steve resisted the urge to smack him. Once it was Steve's turn, he glared at the cashier and she managed to check them out in record time. Danny and Steve helped the ladies get the box into their car which they appreciated.

They finally made it back into Danny's Camaro and Steve was seething.

"What…was…that."

Danny, an innocent smile stretched across his face, took in the annoyance radiating off his partner. "Shopping."

* * *

A day later Danny was going through the pictures and videos on his computer when he ran across a video he and Rachel had made when Grace had been sick as a baby. The video showed Danny bent over the tub holding little Grace under the water and yelling at Rachel about how the diaper wipes just weren't strong enough. Of course Rachel thought that it was too funny and ran to get a camera. They both agreed that Grace would never know of this video, but Danny liked to keep it to remind him of the struggles they had faced and overcome as new parents.

However, it might have another purpose.

* * *

"...so I get to the part where Rachel pans the camera over to the pile of used wipes and Steve goes pasty white. He mumbles something about the colour brown and I point out that babies don't throw up so it comes out the other end. It was at that point that he hit the floor."

Deeks looked at attachment Danny had sent of Steve on the floor. Arms and legs splayed in awkward directions and Danny was right, Steve was very pale. A smirk was firmly planted on his face and his eyes flicked around the picture. "Does he know this happened?"

"It's the background on my phone. I needed to send a copy to someone in case he succeeds in deleting all my copies."

"I'll back you up." Some mumbling made its way through the phone line but Deeks caught enough to deduce that Danny was once again grumbling about how Steve was terrible at the whole 'back-up' concept.

"Thanks, wait, oh, I have to go, the ogre has entered the building. Keep that file handy."

Before the line closed Deeks heard Steve roaring about a poster he found in the coffee break room. He grinned to himself; those two were like a comedy act. He wondered how much eye rolling Chin and Kono did in a day.

* * *

**A/N:** This story runs on inspiration, so if you've got an idea, leave it below! I expect that this story didn't go the way the teaser may have prompted your imagination, but y'know, that's what usually happens with prompting my brain.


	14. Plan D

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I own the toque on my head and the boots on my feet, but not these shows.  
**A/N: **I've been very busy lately and haven't been able to personally respond to any reviews at all (Grr…sigh…yawn…Gibbs-slap myself) so I'll leave a quick note in here. HayNSW2711 (I love treasure hunts!), ncisloverinnc (Thanks!), shestarsky (Exactly! Or changing a diaper, that could be fun), WofOZ (Glad you thought so; Steve will survive to shop another day), volvagia09 (You are SO GOOD for my ego), Craftygirl11 (There may or may not be something coming…), loveRnB (should they find out?), Guest (maybe…), idiot9and602 (Thanks!), loveRnB (chapter added!), and Guest (crazy people are awesome. Thanks for the idea, we'll see what happens with it).

* * *

**Plan D**

The light from the sun was fading as it dipped below the horizon. Conversation had paused as the partners watched the final light set every reflective surface ablaze. Now that the show was over they went back to their surveillance survival techniques. Callen was fiddling with a padlock he had found and his lock picks. Sam was back to folding paper and was creating defensive and offensive players to play a game of soccer.

"We have to figure out what's going on with Deeks." Callen had abandoned the padlock having opened it enough times to have a feel for the tumblers.

"What do you mean?" Sam ran his nail over a fold on the body of a midfielder.

"Remember that week where he was getting texts all the time and making little marks on a sheet of paper? I think he's up to something."

"He was playing battleship, that's what Kensi said."

"With who?"

Sam's head snapped up, the midfielder forgotten. "I don't know."

Callen smiled "Exactly."

Sam placed the unfinished player on the dashboard. "We can't get Eric to figure it out. Hetty has him too scared."

"Nell?"

They thought on that for a few minutes and watched the entrance to the building.

Callen sighed, "She's too honest to try and pull anything behind our backs. No, we need an outside source."

Sam grabbed his midfielder and kept working on it. Callen dug a paperclip out of the cup holder, straightened it out, and went back to work on the padlock.

Hours past and the suspect stayed holed up in his apartment. Sam finished his teams and started placing them in different formations. Callen had broken into the lock with two paperclips enough times to satisfy himself and moved on to people watching. They were just about to trade shifts with Kensi and Deeks when it came to Sam.

"Let's call Hawaii, I'm sure they have computer geniuses on their team and Steve owes me."

"I've never met him, is he really the person you ask to spy on your teammate?"

Sam grinned, "He's got a bit of a devious side. He'll help."

* * *

Steve was kicked back on the back lawn and watched the waves roll in. The ringing of his phone broke the sound of the breaking rollers and he dug down into his pocket for the offending sound-maker. However, at reading the name on the display he was curious.

"Finally book a flight to come get that steak?"

Sam's chuckles bounced through the phone line. "No, but there is something else you can do for me."

Even more curious, Steve pushed himself up in his chair. "Shoot."

"We've got a team member here who's not being a very good team member and we'd like to know what's going on."

"In what way? Is he disobeying orders? Disrespecting authority? Being a pain?"

"All of the above but that's just his personality. No, we want to know who his secret source is."

Steve's forehead crinkled. "Don't you all have your own sources? Isn't that like a requirement of being a cop?"

Sam sighed, "Yes, but we don't think he's a source. He's never come back with intel from these conversations and our last shot at figuring out who it was gave us a dead end."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I'll send you his phone number, just run a search on the number's he's been calling and send me a list. We'll figure it out from there."

It sounded easy enough. "Sure. I'll do it tomorrow provided no emergency pops up."

"Thanks."

Steve ended the call and thought about the request. He wondered why Sam couldn't do this for himself but decided he probably had a good reason.

* * *

The pile of paperwork sitting on his desk drove Steve to use the big screen instead of his laptop. He swore that someone was moving the piles at night just a little closer each time until he started to feel claustrophobic. He was in the middle of typing in the number Sam had sent him when Danny walked in.

"What are you doing?" came the mildly asked question.

"Looking up a number for Sam."

"Sam? Sam Hanna? The SEAL who wants to name my car that ended up here because of a blood feud? That Sam?"

"Yep."

"Why does Sam need you to look up a number?"

Steve decided that, out of self-defense, this time he would just tell Danny what he wanted to know. "Sam's investigating a team member, seems this guy has a source that they suspect is not a source. They're trying to figure out who it is. They came close once but it turned out to be wrong."

Danny's face blanched a bit. "Who was their first guess?"

"Didn't say." Steve typed in the last digit and hit search. "Huh, looks like they're looking into a Detective Marty Deeks."

Danny shifted from foot to foot. "I'm not sure this is a good idea, I mean you're messing with someone else's team. You wouldn't like it if someone did that to our team."

Steve considered this. "No, but if someone was holding onto a secret, I'd want to know." He took in Danny's jumpiness. "Are you nervous about something? Because speaking of secret sources, you've got a couple of your own. How come I've never met them?"

Danny went on the defensive. "I've told you! You make people nervous with your generally hostile disposition. The last thing I need is to lose a source because you barked at them too loudly." Danny took a breath to continue but the ringing of Steve's phone cut him off.

Steve held up his hand to a snarling Danny to answer the call. "Hello?"

"Commander McGarrett, I've been informed by my analyst that someone from your office initiated a search of one of my agents' call log."

Steve coughed quietly as he tried to place the voice. "Uh, a what?"

"Commander, I know that Sam Hanna contacted you to run a search to find out who Detective Marty Deeks has been talking with. I know that someone in your office just started that very search. I can then infer that it is you who is doing said search."

Danny was staring at him mouthing words at him but Steve was too distracted to figure them out. "Yes, it was me."

"Please cease the search and tell Sam that you were unable to complete his request."

"Okay."

"Thank you, have a nice day."

"Okay." The line went dead in his ear. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at Danny. "She knew everything."

"Hetty."

Steve's face scrunched up. "Henrietta Lange? That's who just called?"

"Knew everything and just ninja-mind-tricked you? Definitely."

"I guess I have to call Sam and tell him that I got nothing."

* * *

Sam and Callen picked up their bags and turned to head down the hallway to the door. Halfway there Hetty stepped out from the shadows and stopped in front of them. She clasped her hands behind her back and looked up at her agents.

"I had an interesting issue to handle today. A search of our local phone logs by someone in Hawaii. I'm certain this won't happen again."

She walked between the two partners and they turned to face each other, both wanting to ask the same question. But of course Hetty knew and answered them.

"I knew the same way I know that Mr. Deeks is a surprisingly good Baritone." With that, she disappeared out of sight.

Callen looked at Sam. "On to Plan E."


	15. Wax On

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** ...nope, still don't own these shows. Just checked.  
**A/N: **Inspiration has hit. Thanks to all y'all who come back each time! Thanks also to everyone who left a nice little note: TMVH50, shestarsky, storyfan101, Craftygirl11, HayNSW2711, volvagia09, jmlane1966, a guest, aroski156, sunny irish, and stront.

* * *

**Wax On**

Kono jammed her board into the sand and then flopped down on her towel, spraying Chin with sand and water in the process. He pulled his book out of the way and brushed off what he could. It was Saturday and the day had been perfect. The extended family had taken over a section of their favourite beach and basically had an impromptu party. It had started with one branch and thanks to a handful of calls and emails, the entire family had shown up.

They sat there quietly, Chin flipping pages and Kono with her eyes closed, soaking in the heat of the sun. The beach ball from the volleyball game broke into the silence when it came dangerously close to bouncing off of Kono's head. She swatted it back to the closest team but sat up and groaned in Chin's general direction.

He stuck his finger in his page and bit. "Problem?"

She pouted. "My arm still hurts from taking down that suspect. It's making it hard to balance on the board."

"That was quite the hit, I've never seen anyone flip quite that far around after being clotheslined."

"It hurts all the way down to the bone. I think I'll let Steve keep that move."

"Good plan." Chin went back to his book.

Kono scooted up to her board and scratched at the surface, checking the wax. She was happy with it and lay back down on her towel. Her bag was by her head and she dug through it for her jar of wax. Spinning the top, she looked inside and sighed. "I'm going to miss this wax, it's really good. I can't find it anywhere on the island. I've tried to get the store name out of Danny, but he's a tough one to crack."

Chin smiled to himself, maybe it was just the way she was asking.

* * *

"Come on Danny, you should have seen the pout she had. I'm just asking for the name of the store!" Chin was starting to agree with Kono – he'd been at this for a couple of days, but every way he tried to pry the information out of Danny failed. Even his stealth attempt at coming at the topic from the side hadn't worked.

A smile seemed to make its way onto Danny's face, but it was squashed before it could fully form. "No. It's my secret. I'm allowed to have secrets."

"Yeah, like that person you keep texting and calling." Chin ground out under his breath.

That caught Danny's attention. "Excuse me? What was that? I couldn't quite make that out."

"Steve's noticed, Kono and I have, even Max figured it out after word about your little outburst about a sunk battleship made its way around."

Danny's face screwed up into a snarl. "So?"

Chin decided to go for the direct approach. "Do you have a secret girlfriend?"

"No!" it burst out. "Just because I have conversations with someone that you don't know doesn't automatically mean I am romantically involved with someone. Maybe, just maybe, I have a friend that I can talk to about all the craziness that happens on this rock of insanity. Especially since it appears that everyone here has accepted the ludicrous actions of Steve as 'normal'." He blew out a breath. "Is that so bad?"

Chin held up his hands, "No, brah, I think it's a good idea. Maybe you should tell Steve so he isn't so jealous."

Danny's rant was diffused by Chin's use of 'jealous'. A grin started from one side of his mouth and traveled to the other. "It's fun tormenting him with it. You should have seen him at this one stakeout – it was priceless."

"I'm sure. Now can I have the name of the store?"

Danny laughed a bit. "No!" He sang out as he turned to walk away.

There had to be another way.

* * *

Three days he still hadn't come up with another way. In fact, he was starting to lose hope.

But.

He was dealing with two rival gang leaders that had ended up in the same holding cell at the precinct. He had come in just to drop off some paperwork when he got drawn into the battle to keep these two from killing each other in the middle of the police station. He had his arms wrapped around the upper torso and right shoulder of the one when he suddenly started yelling about a blood feud.

Well.

He had nearly dropped the guy and ran for the phone. Instead, he flipped his elbow to a better angle and wrapped his arm around the guy's neck. In a position where he couldn't turn his neck or swing his good arm, the gangbanger had relented his resistance and that had given Chin the opening he needed to drag him into a different cell. Problem solved, he left the rest of the clean-up to the other officers and then ran for the door so he could make a call.

* * *

"I'm just pointing out that your parking skills aren't on par with, say, your incredibly accurate groin kick aim."

"There is nothing wrong with my parking. Just to prove it, we'll go parking after we get back."

Deeks snorked, "Well...now I wouldn't know how good you are at that kind of parking..." Kensi's hand shot out from the steering wheel to punch her partner in the arm. He was unsuccessful at dodging it and massaged the spot while he giggled out "Please, at least one hand on the wheel at all times. You can't steer the vehicle with your mind."

Kensi threw her chin in the air and refused to look at her partner.

"Aww, Kens, don't try to ignore me. It's just that when you parallel park, you park beside the curb. By that definition you should actually be beside the curb. I should be able to step onto the grass or sidewalk not the road."

Kensi huffed and took a corner a bit harder than necessary. Deeks shoulder slammed into the car door.

"Great, now both arms have been injured by my partner. Hetty's not going to like these incident reports."

Kensi saw the next corner coming and she took that one hard too. The ringing of Deeks' phone cut off any retorts from either of them.

He flipped the phone into his hand, slightly puzzled by the caller ID. "Hold on, I have to anchor myself properly." He jammed his foot up into the dashboard while holding onto the armrest with his free hand.

A chuckle came through the line that drowned out Kensi's snarl. "No problem brah, Kensi driving?"

"Yeah, I take my life into my hands every day thanks to her." He pointed in front and yelled at Kensi "Watch where we're going. Old people walk slower than the average human." Back on the phone he added, "Sorry, I'm back."

Chin stopped laughing. "I've got a question for you. Danny bought Kono this great surfboard wax for her birthday and she loves it. She's almost out of it and I'm trying to track down another jar of it for her. We can't seem to get the source out of Danny."

"He's a pain, that one. Not sure how you work with him every day."

"Probably the same way you get into that car every day."

"Touché. You have the name of the wax?"

Chin recited the brand and the specific type, which, of course, Deeks already knew having bought it for Danny.

"I'll see what I can do. I'll call you." He went to hang up but before he did, he asked one more question. "Why'd you call me?"

"You know, I was just about to give up, but then we had some gang activity in the holding tank and one started yelling about a blood feud. Made me think about LA and then I remembered you surfed." Chin paused. "You didn't, by any chance get the wax for Danny, did you?"

Deeks did some quick thinking. "The fluffy-haired Jersey boy? He insulted my ability to go undercover, why would I send him surfboard wax?"

"Good point. Thought I'd ask. Thanks for looking."

"No problem." Deeks ended the call and then turned to face Kensi. She jerked back to face forward, but not quite quickly enough. "What did we say about looking at the road, hmm?"

Kensi's face twitched as she tried not to ask who had just called.

Deeks enjoyed his partner's discomfort, but after a while it was becoming boring, so he put her out of her misery. "That was Chin from Hawaii. He's looking for some surfboard wax." He was rewarded with a tight nod.

* * *

With Kono tied up at the crime lab with Fong and Steve caught on the other side of the city, it was left to Danny and Chin to check the house for the suspect. They went their separate ways once through the door and Chin cleared the upstairs. He climbed back down the stairs to see Danny with arms wide and his back to the living room door. Chin cleared the rest of the floor and then came up to the door frame.

He peeked around the frame and didn't see anyone. "Danny?"

Danny's head turned slightly towards him and hissed "Don't come any closer. There's a very unhappy German Sheppard in here."

A closer listen revealed the low growling as it rumbled through the room. Chin edged away from the door and dialed the number for animal control. A buzzing sounded from Danny's pocket and Chin watched as he moved slowly and fished the phone out.

He raised the phone to his ear and Chin listened to Danny's conversation as best as he could as he relayed the details to animal control.

"I don't really have time to talk...It is large and growling, but it's a dog this time...Of course I have my arms up in the air, how else does one react to a threatening dog?" He took a deep breath. "How exactly do you propose I find out if this dog was from a bad home, I can't really ask it, can I?" He sighed and then turned his head to where Chin was standing. "Chin, what kind of sheet does this guy have?"

Chin thought back to the information they had on the suspect. "Uh, possession, armed robbery, assault and battery, as well as a couple drinking related charges."

Danny nodded and then went back to the phone. "Let's go with a probable yes." He pulled his phone away from his head and stared at it, incredulous. He stared at the dog and then back at the phone. The cell returned to his ear after a shake of his head. "You want me to do what?!" The dog responded to the loud question by adding barking to the growling. "You're insane. Being bigger than this dog is my only hope! Do you hear that?" He held the phone towards the dog. "Fine. If I die, this is your fault." Danny moved his free hand close to his body and slowly sank to the ground. He pulled his legs in and looked at the dog, eye to teeth. He started softly humming and shh-ing to the dog.

Chin watched as the dog stopped barking and took a hard look at the seated Danny. It quieted its growling and cocked its head. After a moment it opened its mouth and let its tongue flop out.

"You're not so threatening with that tongue hanging out and I'm not so threatening when we're on the same level." The dog wandered over to Danny and sniffed at him. Seemingly happy with his smell, it laid down with its head in Danny's lap. Danny responded by petting its head.

A noise at the door turned Chin and he found two animal control agents coming through the door. He pointed them towards Danny and the purring dog.

The taller one looked at Chin and grinned. "Looks like you don't really need us. Get him to bring the dog outside and we'll figure out what to do with it." Chin nodded and shook the man's hand. He turned to find Danny speaking softly into the phone while stroking the dog's back.

He walked quietly over to Danny and nodded towards the dog "Who did you have on the phone, some kind of dog whisperer?"

Danny cocked a grin, "Something like that."

Chin walked outside to call Steve to tell him the suspect wasn't at home. Before he could dial out he got a call from Deeks in LA. "Deeks, good thing you didn't call any earlier."

"Yeah? What's going on?" Deeks sounded curious.

"Danny just had a showdown with an angry German Sheppard. Managed to talk it down with some help."

"Been there, done that. Did any of his helmet hair get mussed in the process?"

Chin chuckled, these two really didn't get along. "No, he's still in one piece. What were you calling about?"

The sound of rustling paper came over the line. "I have the number for the store that sells that wax. I can send it to you." He paused and Chin sensed there was something else he wanted to say.

"What is it?"

"It's just...if he wasn't telling you, do you think he had a reason? Besides from being a pain, of course."

Chin thought about that. "You might be right. Maybe he already has another jar for Christmas. It's neat that the only one that doesn't surf managed to find such a great wax."

Deeks laughed, "Strange things happen every day."

"Thanks for looking for me. I appreciate it."

"No problem."

Chin ended the call and watched as Danny led the dog out to the animal control truck. He decided he'd stop bothering Danny about the wax; but now he was curious who the dog whisperer was. But that was a mystery for a different day.

* * *

**A/N I:** Credit has to go to a guest reviewer who suggested 'something to do with 5-0 and dogs' and Aroski156 who thought there should be a chapter about Kono and Chin. Virtual high five!  
**A/N II:** I have another chapter almost finished, the ending needs some help, but here's the title: Plan F is for Fail. Cross your fingers, it'll hopefully be done within the week!


	16. Plan F is for Fail

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I own a love of snow but no show.  
**A/N:** As promised, here's the next chapter! Thanks to those who leave little notes, jmlane1966, shestarsky, volvagia09, TMVH50, storyfan101, fiveOFan, idiot9and602, Craftygirl11, HayNSW2711, and the guest reviewer.

* * *

**Plan F is for Fail**

Callen tried to call out, but before he could make a sound the man leapt out of his hiding space and plowed Deeks into the wall. The crunch of body against concrete was loud and Callen cringed. The man tried to run but he turned right into Sam's fist. He dropped like dead weight and Sam flipped him with a foot to put the cuffs on him.

A stunned Deeks lay on the floor and Callen got to him first. He was blinking and Callen held up some fingers in front of his face. "How many?"

"Three and a half?"

Through his ear piece he heard Hetty clear her throat. "Mr. Callen, please make sure that Mr. Deeks goes and stays at the hospital to be checked out."

Sam, who heard the same thing nodded at him. "Kensi and I can clean this up." Sam lifted the handcuffed man with one arm and convinced him to head towards where Kensi was waiting.

Callen leaned down and wrapped Deeks' arm around his neck and lifted him up. Together they worked their way back to the cars. He settled him into the Challenger and moved around to the driver's side.

Kensi stared at the pair, slack-jawed. "What happened to him?"

"Decided to make gravel with his head." Callen said, straight-faced.

A chortle bubbled up from Kensi, "No one came out of the front, so I guess we have what we came for?"

Sam nodded and held his hand out to Kensi. "Yep, now give me the keys."

"Why?"

"Because I drive."

"Not this one, I drive this one."

Callen rolled his eyes and dropped into the car; he'd let them fight it out without him. He had to get the dozy Deeks to an MRI.

* * *

Deeks had been passed over to the medical professionals and Callen was left in the waiting room with time to kill. He stared at the wall for a bit, stared at the ceiling, stared at his knees, stared at the phone and badge in his hands, stared at the…wait, phone.

Deeks' phone.

The phone he used on a daily basis.

The phone he used to call and text that mysterious person.

A plan forming in his mind, he called Sam. A couple of rings and the man in question came on the line.

"Sam?"

"How's Deeks?"

"No news yet, but speaking of him, I have his phone in my hands."

A pause happened as Sam tried to catch the meaning, but then he got it. "You can check the call records."

"Exactly. With Plan E being an abysmal failure."

Sam laughed. "We were so close. But that lady would not buy that you were a postal worker."

"And then when she threatened to tell 'that dear boy' that a federal agent was trying to get his mail, you were blown."

"Thwarted by a woman twice our age and half our size. She really must like Deeks."

"Well, worry not, Plan F is a go. I'll let you know what I find out."

Callen ended the call and then started scrolling through the records on Deeks' phone. He finally narrowed it down to a contact listed as 'Dsquared'. He tried to figure out who it could be, but in the end, he just hit dial and hoped for the best. It rang and then got picked up.

"Hello?" a small voice asked.

"Hi, who's this?" Callen responded.

"Who's this?"

Callen bit back the instinct to point out that he asked first.

The little voice continued. "Because I'm not supposed to talk to people I don't know."

"Who told you that?"

"Uncle Steve."

"He's a smart man." Callen decided to take a shot. "Is your dad there?"

"He's in the shower."

"Why did you answer the phone?"

"It could have been Uncle Steve calling. When he calls it's always important."

"Why is that?"

"I don't think I should tell you. I don't know who you are."

Callen had to give it to the kid, she was smart, whoever she was. "Right."

"Would you like me to take a message?"

He could add polite to that list. "No, that's okay. I'll try again later."

"Okay. Have a nice day."

"You too."

The call was ended at her end. He stared at the phone and shook his head. They were no further ahead.

Sam's SEAL buddy Steve was in Hawaii, could he...? Nah, there's no way he had a niece.

He went back to staring at the wall when the doctor walked in, leading a dopey Deeks.

The doctor sighed. "I tried to convince him to stay overnight, but he threatened to run away if I didn't send him home as he is medically fine, no concussion, just some bruising."

Callen smiled. "It's easier this way, I'll take him home."

The doctor pierced both of them with a glare. "Make sure he stays at home. Bedrest is the only cure." He turned and walked away, mumbling about difficult patients.

Having no things to gather aside from Deeks' phone and badge, which were already in his hand, he turned to his new responsibility. "You ready to go?"

"Huh?" Deeks stared at him and blinked a few times. "Go where?"

Callen was about to get worried when he heard a quiet snort from behind his team member. He moved to see what was there and found a smirking nurse.

Caught, she 'fessed up about what was so funny. "His doctor's a bit old-school. He doesn't like it when people sign themselves out and he especially doesn't like it when people argue with him. He might have accidently on-purpose stuck him with a needle containing some sedatives. Sometimes the patients stop fighting and stay at the hospital. Turns out your partner there has a stronger resistance than the average person of his size."

Slightly alarmed, Callen asked quickly "Should I be worried?"

"No, just get him home, he'll fall asleep soon and then he'll be dead weight."

Callen nodded and guided the dopey detective out to the car. He got his seatbelt on him and then realized that he had a golden opportunity in his hands. He ran around to the driver's side and shut and locked the doors. He turned to face Deeks and tapped his face to get him to focus.

"Deeks, I need you to tell me something."

"Something."

Rolling his eyes would be so appropriate right now. "Do you call and text back and forth with someone in Hawaii?"

Deeks grinned. "Yep, I do."

This was the first they had gotten straight from Deeks. "What's his name?"

"D-squared."

"I know that, but what's his real name."

Deeks scrunched up his forehead and stared out the windshield. "Y'know, I'm not sure. His daughter calls him one thing, his friends call him something else. Although, sometimes his friends call him what his daughter calls him, but I think it's something he doesn't really like."

He was rambling without giving any decent information. Callen had to ask a more pointed question. "What do his friends call him normally?"

Deeks continued staring out into the distance. He opened his mouth…and then fell asleep. Callen nudged his shoulder, but it was no use, he was out cold.

With no option left, Callen started the car and headed for Deeks' apartment. Before he left, he sent a text to Sam.

_Plan F is a failure…but I might have an idea for another._


	17. Muuts-y Christmas

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I asked for these shows on DVD for Christmas, but that's as close as I'll get to owning them.  
**A/N:** You really liked the last chapter! I did too. Thanks to all the reviewers who dropped a note: WofOZ, jmlane1966, shestarsky, Sweet Lu, idiot9and602, HayNSW2711, trytofindme, TMVH50, volvagia09, sunny irish, background reader 1, storyfan101, kath46, Craftygirl11, stront, Aslook, and four guests.

* * *

**Muuts-y Christmas**

**Muuts** _short form of_ **muutsurella** [_mŭtz-__suer-eylla_]: (slang) mozzarella

How many things can go wrong in one day? The answer to that question was still open to debate.

Danny kicked at the tire of his car. The tire that was supposed to be attached to the actual car but instead was lying on the ground. In his haste to get home he had driven over something that was now wedged into the tire and causing it to deflate rapidly. He had wrestled the spare on, stowed the injured one in the trunk and driven it to his garage. The mechanic promised he'd fix it tomorrow, which was great, but also meant now he needed a ride home.

So here he sat, mulling over the completely wretched day he'd had.

First, the bread he had tried to eat for breakfast had gone moldy overnight. He'd cut himself shaving and banged his head on the closet door when the shirt slipped off the hanger and he missed catching it.

On the drive in his car had almost been clipped by a guy on a scooter. That wasn't too bad but the guy on the scooter had then smashed into the car in front of him. Work hadn't even started officially for the day and he was already inundated by paperwork associated with the accident. This had made him late and his usual parking space had been taken, forcing him to walk further and then endure a lecture from his partner about proper work etiquette. Apparently taking ones shirt off at random intervals is acceptable even though being late due to vehicular carnage is not.

By lunch Danny had ruined a shirt due to a foot chase through a paintball arena, received an irate phone call from the driver of the scooter claiming the accident was Danny's fault, and realized he had forgotten the lunch he had so carefully packed the night before at home.

By the end of the day, Steve had caused irreparable damage to his spare shirt when he had grabbed the back of it and swung him out of the way of gun-waving lunatic. Yes, he was thankful that Steve (for once) thought of his safety, but it turned out that the gun was fake and now his second shirt of the day had a tear down the back. He considered getting it fixed, but then Max had a body in the morgue he needed them to see and said body chose the moment that Danny was standing beside it to hit maximum pressure and burst its gastrointestinal juices all over the front of the shirt.

Now here he was, kicking at his flat tire, wearing one of Chin's printed shirts, waiting for Kono (the only one to answer his calls) to pick him up and drop him off at home.

The ride home was done in silence. Danny was utterly exhausted by the events of the day and he was fairly certain that Kono couldn't say anything because her lips were pressed so tightly together the colour had left them completely. Every so often she would quake and it wasn't because the perfect Hawaiian weather was chilly, no, it was the laughter she was trying so hard to contain.

Stupid day, stupid island, stupid job, stupid friends.

He took a deep breath before turning the key in his lock, half expecting the door to just fall inward. When the lock didn't click to signal it now open, he was a bit worried. He stepped through the doorway very carefully with his hand resting on his gun. A shadow of a person appeared in the hallway and he slipped the gun out of the holster. When the person belonging to the shadow came around the corner he sighed and put the gun back as well as pulling the holster off of his belt.

"It's not good to sneak around a police officer's house Mom."

The woman smiled a tired 'you've-told-me-that-many-times' smile and waved for her son to give her a hug. "I know, but I was busy unpacking. With Gracie being gone for the week your Dad and I have taken over her room. Before we get into that, you got a package today, maybe you should open that first."

Curious, Danny went over to the box sitting on his table. He hefted it to find the weight and looked at the packaging, but there weren't any clues as to its contents. He wasn't supposed to be getting a package. He grabbed his scissors from the kitchen and cut the tape to release the top. When he got a look in the box, he nearly fainted with glee.

It was pizza.

Real pizza.

Just muuts, sauce, and dough.

His bad day just took a turn for heaven.

There was a note tucked in the side, it started with reheating instructions and then ended with a short explanation:

_A turkey would have cost too much to ship. The owners of the restaurant are transplants from New York who make the best pizza in the state. Merry Christmas. D._

His mom wandered over and looked into the box. "Now that is a good friend. Who is this person?"

He may have been able to deflect his partner and the rest of the team, but there was no way he could survive an inquisition from his mother. He started at the top.

"It all started when a blood feud involving a spook by the name of Callen came to this island..."

* * *

It was that weird part of the end of the year, that section between Christmas and New Years where it seemed criminals were as reluctant to get back to work as everyone else was. It had been slow day and when Hetty had finally sent everyone home at lunch time, Deeks had noticed the text on his phone from Danny heavily suggesting that he be home tonight. Deeks was curious, but knew he'd never get an answer out of him.

He had received the thank you note from Danny the day before. It was a napkin smeared with pizza sauce with 'Thanks' written over top with black marker. He laughed when he opened the envelope and hung it on his fridge. He eyed it as he opened the fridge to dig out something to drink. The downside of not doing anything was that he wasn't really hungry at lunch and now he was just snaking, trying to decide what to have for dinner. He had just finished cleaning the apartment and now he was starting to get as bored as he was at work, waiting for whatever Danny had up his sleeve.

Finally around mid-afternoon there was a knock at the door and he pulled it open to find a man and woman holding grocery bags full of food.

"Hi?" Deeks was confused.

"Marty Deeks?" the man asked.

"Yes...do I know you?"

The woman began moving once he acknowledged who he was and she had bustled her way into the kitchen before Deeks noticed she was gone from the doorway. She was opening cupboards and talking to herself.

"What's that, honey?" The man followed her leaving Deeks gaping while still holding the door open even though there was no longer anyone waiting in the hallway.

"He's got good cooking pans. Much better than what I've been dealing with for the past week. Don't put the cheese in the fridge, it'll be too hard to grate. Oh! I see the thank-you note made it."

Deeks finally shut the door and drifted over to the kitchen. "Pans? Cheese? Note?"

The two looked at him and she patted the man on the arm. "Go explain, dear, I knew it was a bad idea not to warn the poor boy."

He guided Deeks over to the couch, and got him to sit down. "We're the Williams', Danny's parents. We visited him over Christmas and heard all about you. She wouldn't let him stop explaining until there was nothing left. Inquisitive, that one, probably where Danny got it from. Anyway, you should have seen Danny's face when he saw those pizzas you sent. He gave us your address and we thought we'd stop by on our way home, we were going to have a layover anyway, and have a nice dinner. Now where's your bathroom, I haven't seen one since the airport."

Unable to respond to all the words that had just been sent his way, he pointed. He decided that Danny had inherited his ability to talk for long periods without breathing from his father.

Noticing no one was presently paying attention to him, he found his phone and tapped out a text to Danny.

_Your parents just invaded my house._

A response came quickly: _Merry Christmas and welcome to the family. (Keep an eye out for cookie care packages in the future.)_

A warm feeling settled down into Deeks stomach as he stood and walked into the kitchen. "Need any help?"

She turned, wearing an apron that had been stuffed deep into one of the drawers and said, "I knew you'd fit in perfectly."

* * *

**A/N:** A guest reviewer suggested a Christmas present exchange, so thanks for that! It helped that snow is gently falling outside so I'm in a very Christmas-y mood.

Merry Christmas!


	18. Getting Cargumentative

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately only the Hawaii 5-0 DVD landed under my tree, not the rights to the show.  
**A/N:** I didn't get a chance to respond to any reviews due to a turkey-induced haze, it's not because I don't appreciate them, I blame the tryptophan. So thanks to: shestarsky, jmlane1966, volvagia09, Fallenqueen2, background reader 1, sunny irish, Katy Cooper, Sweet Lu, a guest, TMVH50, guest m, anon, Craftygirl11, SuchASeaweedBrain, fanficlover, Mei2, and a another guest.

* * *

**Getting Cargumentative**

Another day, another stake-out.

Danny finally had Steve trained to sit still for at least a couple hours at a time. The first few times Steve got restless Danny would send him out for coffee or sandwiches; that stopped when he started coming back with pizza with pineapple or ice cream that had no cream in it.

_ "It's ice cream, I swear!"_

_ "This. Is. Not. Ice. Cream."_

_ "Well, it's kind of ice cream."_

_ "No, it's not. What is it?"_

_ "Try it."_

_ "Nuh-uh, I am not sticking this in my mouth if I don't know what it is."_

_ "Fine, be stubborn –"_

_ "I am not being stubborn, I am being cautious as to what I ingest. However, it seems that no matter how cautious I am on this coconut-and-pineapple-infested-island, I still end up being the target of bombs, criminals with guns, and the occasional spitting. All I ask for is the comfort provided by the knowledge that what I am eating is safe."_

_ "It's pineapple ice cream made with coconut milk."_

That tub had been immediately pitched out the window into a neighbouring garbage can. Taken off food duty and it being, on average, too hot for coffee, Steve had instead been sent for a run around an adjacent block. After breaking the ice when it came to stories with Danny's tale about the day his partner Grace died, they had started swapping both horror stories and tales of achievement.

Danny found out how Steve got his shoulder tattoo and Steve learned why Grace bought Danny so many ties.

This stakeout was different.

Steve was in a mood.

He had reverted back to his annoying self; all the progress Danny had made in training him had flown out the window. Steve was fidgeting, he was restless, he refused to leave the car, and he was asking questions. Questions that Danny was trying to avoid.

"Chin said you got some help taking care of that German Sheppard."

"Yep." As much as Danny's rants annoyed Steve to the core of his being, Danny had learned that reducing his answers to one or two clipped words frustrated Steve even more.

"He said the dog calmed right down thanks to the coaching."

"Yes, it did."

"What's her name?"

"Sheba."

"Wow, Chin said you outright refused to tell him who it was. I ask and you told me right away."

Danny bit back a smile; Steve looked so smug and Danny was about to crush that right out of him...after stringing him along for a while. "Well, I would never lie to my partner. Trust must be built on the truth."

"Agreed. What's she like?"

"Well, she's warm and soft. She's definitely scary when she's mad, but once she calms down, she can be a bit silly."

"You talk to her a lot?"

"Not really, we communicate better than most, but I never feel as though this will be a long-term thing."

"Is it getting serious? You, ah, get a little action?"

Danny stared at Steve blankly, knowing exactly where this was headed. "What do you mean?"

"Like a good-night kiss?"

His face screwed up into a look of disgust, Danny spat out "That would be disgusting!"

Steve lost his smugness and veered into confusion. "What, you don't like kissing girls?"

"Sure, I love kissing girls." Danny's voice began to rise to a yell. "I do not like kissing dogs. Sure, the occasional slobber here and there, but I don't make a habit of making out with a pooch. We've known each other for a fair amount of time; what in our history would suggest such a thing?"

"We were talking about the girl on the phone, the one who helped calm down that dog." Steve was clearly lost.

"No, no we were not. You talked about the dog and then asked what her name was. The dog's name is Sheba. We were talking about the dog." Some of Danny's patented hand gestured accented the important parts of his speech – 'dog', 'name' and 'Sheba'.

"Wa..." Steve was completely bewildered. "But..." He shook his head back and forth, stared hard at the steering wheel in front of him, gained a hint of aneurysm face and then stated, "Then who was on the phone?"

"None of your business." Danny flopped back into his seat and gazed out the windshield.

Shut down hard, Steve was speechless and he tried to process the conversation they had just had. He tried to talk, but kept cutting himself off.

Silence filled the car as the partners went back to what they were supposed to be doing – surveillance. After a while of sitting still, Steve's mood resurfaced and he turned to face Danny.

"You said trust was built on the truth. So tell me the truth, who was on the phone?"

Danny allowed a flicker of a smile cross his face. "Do you _need_ to know, or do you _want_ to know?"

"When did this become a debate on semantics?"

"Ha! I should've used that one on my scout leader."

Steve scrunched up his face, "Your brain takes some weird side trips sometimes."

Danny twisted in the seat to stare at Steve, "Takes one to know one."

"Pot calling the kettle black?"

"I know what you are but what am I?"

"Loo...Wait, don't pull me down your mind detour! What about the scout leader?"

"Ah, during my brief stint as a boy scout my leader asked us that question in an attempt to teach us the difference between wanting to know because you care or because you want to gossip."

For that Danny got a side-eye glare from Steve. "Are you saying I'm a gossip?"

"No. The point was that we were supposed to think twice before we opened our mouth."

A pause hung in the air. "That lesson didn't really sink in, did it."

Danny slugged Steve's shoulder hard. Or at least as hard as he could in the confined space. Steve twisted away and grabbed his hurt shoulder and pouted. "Come on, you lobbed that one so nicely over the plate it would have been a crime not to swing at it."

Danny gaped at his partner, "Did you just make a baseball reference?"

"Yes, would you prefer 'open net goal'? or maybe 'a gimme'? or 'taking candy from a baby'?"

A smirk replaced Danny's snarl, "I'll warn you now, taking candy from a baby is not easy. Mythbusters even proved that one."

For the first time during the stakeout an easy silence filled the car. Steve stopped fidgeting and Danny stopped glaring at him for it.

After an hour of watching and waiting, Steve finally turned to Danny and said "I don't need to know. You'll tell me if you want to."

Danny pursed his lips and nodded. He sat for a moment and then said "It was a buddy, kind of like your SEAL buddies, a bond formed in battle."

Steve listened and then went back to staring out the windshield.

Then he broke the silence again: "What's his name?"

Danny groaned. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

Steve smiled that grin he got when he was planning to needle and annoy Danny "Nope."

With that, the game was back on.

* * *

**A/N I: **Thanks to HayNSW2711 for dropping the jumping-off point for this chapter in the reviews!  
**A/N II:** I hope everyone had a great holiday season; I mostly spent it eating and talking with friends and family. Now my jaw needs a break and my fingers are itching to type. Which is perfect because I have ideas for two more chapters ready to go. Mwhahaha! Chaos and cuteness coming your way!


	19. Boom Goes the Phone

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Due to a lack of owning, I have these terrible things called 'responsibilities' that are keeping me away from my beloved keyboard. I'm crossing my fingers to get snowed in. For a week.  
**A/N:** Reviews! Thanks to jmlane1966, Oloryn, storyfan101, Craftygirl11, Fallenqueen2, background reader 1, SuchASeaweedBrain, HayNSW2711, volvagia09, Rivan Warrioress, a guest, AgentFraniJones, Cristina, stront, fanficlover, a guest, and tigger0714 for leaving them!

* * *

**Boom Goes the Phone**

A distinctly feminine scream tore through the open area of the first floor from a clearly non-feminine source. This followed by a beat of silence, then a hollow clank, and finally a muffled boom. The sound was deadened by the sliding doors, but it still made it to the waiting ears.

"That should do it." Nell said to herself as a smile flitted across her lips.

"What?" Eric asked, unsure if Nell had said something.

"Nothing" she replied innocently and continued typing.

* * *

_T minus 48 hours_

Nell bustled out of the file room holding a stack of paper to find Deeks meandering down the hallway with one seriously confused look on his face.

"Deeks? Are you okay?" She tilted her chin up to look at his face.

He jumped slightly, being startled out of deep thought. He saw the concern mixed with a tiny bit of humour and pulled up one corner of his mouth. "Maybe, but I could use your help."

"Now?"

"No, preferably not here," he leaned closer to Nell, "I think something weird happened."

* * *

_T minus 43 hours_

Nell passed the waiter their menus and waited for him to weave away from their table. "Spill it, what's up?"

Deeks shifted in his seat and set his elbows on the table. He rubbed at his temples. "You're going to think I'm going crazy, I think I'm going crazy."

"Tell me, I'm sure somewhere there is a nugget of sanity."

He tilted his head and stared up, trying to decide where to start. "Okay, do you remember when I was bashed into a concrete wall and Hetty sent Callen to the hospital with me?"

"Yeah, the doctor cleared you and you signed yourself out. Callen said you passed out on the way home and he ended up borrowing your neighbour's wheelchair to get you up to your apartment."

Deeks' eye twitched, "I don't think that's exactly how it happened." He blew out a breath. "It's foggy, but I remember Callen talking to a nurse, me walking down to the car, and then Callen asking me a bunch of questions. I don't know if I answered or not. But I do know him and Sam have been up to something since then. The last time Sam bought lunch he brought coffee too. I was just about to take a drink when Eric called us upstairs. When we got back down I dumped it because it was cold and smelled slightly off. They looked very disappointed that I didn't get a chance to drink it. They've been offering to pick up coffee all this week and I've been avoiding it."

Nell nodded along, concerned about where this was going.

He peeked around at the tables around them and leaned forward. "Nell, I think they're trying to drug me."

She scrunched up her forehead. "It sounds like it, but why?"

"I don't know, for fun? As a prank? Because it's Sam and Callen?"

"Huh." Nell thought for a moment. "Or maybe they're picking up where Callen left off at the hospital."

"What? Why? Huh?"

"Callen must not have gotten the answer he wanted and he's trying to recreate the situation in order to complete his objective."

"Did you just call me an objective?"

"Minor detail. What did he ask you about?"

Deeks leaned forward onto the table and stared at the salt shaker. "I don't know. Something about...call...call and text...someone I've been calling and texting with!" His eyes lit up as some of the conversation came back to him. "I remember him asking me about who I've been calling and texting with. It was like he already knew the answer."

"How would he get information like that?"

They thought and stared at each other until the waiter, who was holding their food in his hands, had to clear his throat to get their attention. "The chef's salad?" Nell meekly put up her hand. "And the cream of asparagus soup." Deeks nodded as the bowl was set in front of him.

"Wait!" The waiter turned back to the table and stood ready. Deeks waved at him, "Not you." He rolled his eyes and left. Deeks grinned at Nell. "Callen had my phone while I was with the doctor. He must have checked my phone."

"Eat your soup first."

"Right." Deeks scooped soup into his mouth with one hand and scrolled through the history on his phone with the other. He was halfway through the bowl when he found what he was looking for. "Do you remember what time we went in for that raid?"

Nell closed her eyes and recalled the day. "The tip came in that he'd be home at 2:00, so you went only a few minutes later. Callen called from the car about an hour later that he was taking you home."

A smug grin worked its way across Deeks' face. "Somehow I made a call from my phone at 2:40."

Nell's eyes widened as she nodded. "You should have been with the doctor at that point."

"So now we know what happened then, but what is happening now and what do I do about it?"

Nell slowly smiled. "I have an idea, but I'll need your phone for a while. I'll send you a message, meet me in the file room when you get it."

* * *

_T minus 2 hours_

Thankfully the morning had been a slow one; they had spent the day chasing down false leads related to a person of interest in an Afghan bombing, but nothing was giving them any real hope. He had shrugged off his missing phone as leaving it at home. There was nothing pressing the day before or today so nobody had really noticed. It was just before lunch when Deeks saw an email come into his inbox.

_Now._

It came from Nell, so he didn't need any more information. He stood, stretched, and then made his way towards the bathroom. A quick peek behind him confirmed that none of his teammates were paying attention to him so he slipped into the file room. Nell was standing in the corner and motioned him over.

She held in her hands Deeks' phone and a phone identical to it, only newer and cleaner. "The tech boys had been talking about this a couple weeks back and I'm giving them the opportunity to try it out." She opened up the back of the phone and pointed at the battery. "It looks like a normal battery, but there's just a tiny one in the corner and the rest is an incendiary device."

"Wait, isn't that a fancy word for 'bomb'?"

Nell nodded, "But it's a special bomb. It won't blow up in a fireball, it'll just burn hot enough to fry the electronics and the SIM card."

"How is this going to help me, besides not having a phone anymore?"

"I alerted Hetty about an inquiry from Hawaii into your phone records. I heard her talking to someone there, warning them off, and she mentioned knowing that it was Sam and Callen that asked for the records. I think that they're trying to get into your phone to see who you've been calling and copy down the number. After that it's a simple back trace."  
"Okay, but this still doesn't solve the drugging problem."

Nell quirked an eyebrow. "Stop drinking coffee?"

Deeks scowled. "Cute, but not happening."

"One problem at a time. Besides, there's still that picture just begging to be let loose again."

The scowl morphed into a grin. "True. But what about all my contacts?"

"Do you keep a back-up copy somewhere?"

"I have a book at home that has all the important ones written down, but I'm sure I'll be missing some."

"It doesn't really matter, I copied your old SIM card into the new phone, but you should probably go through and delete contacts so it looks like you lost them."

"So basically I'm getting an upgraded phone."

"You were going to be due at the end of the month anyway."

Deeks nodded and smiled. "Alright, let's do this. What do I do?"

"Don't keep the phone in your pocket; throw it on your desk. It should go off in about 2 hours." Nell turned to walk out the door. "Oh! I have a couple cameras pointed at your desk because the tech guys want to know how it works. Don't do anything embarrassing until then."

"Right. No nose picking until further notice." Deeks laughed at Nell's eye roll and headed out the door.

* * *

_Zero hour_

Sam grunted in frustration. "Where is this dude hiding? I have asked everyone."

Callen smirked, "Did you ask nicely?"

A dark look shot across the space and Sam ground out "I always ask nicely."

"Well..." Deeks tapped a finger against his chin.

"Quiet, you. Drink your coffee." Sam snarled.

"I'm considering switching to tea, according to Hetty..." The rest of Deeks' sentence was cut off by a puff of white smoke drifting out of the phone sitting on the corner of his desk. The phone drew everyone's attention as the smoke started to darken and the screen began to melt. A spark popped off of it and landed on Sam's neatly piled files sitting in his outbox.

"EEEEEEEE!" Sam screeched as he grabbed at his open gym bag and the extra T-shirt stored in it. Deeks kicked his garbage can out from under his desk and towards the corner. He used a ruler to push the phone into the bucket. Sam, now holding the shirt in his hands, slapped the free end at the spark, putting out the fire before it spread deeper into the pile.

There was a loud _whoomp_ followed by a burst of flame shooting out of the garbage can. Silence filled the air as the fire settled down.

"Is it over?" Kensi poked her head above her desk and hesitantly took her hand off of her gun while getting off the ground.

Callen circled his desk and peered into the bucket. "It appears your phone is fried."

Deeks came around to stand beside him and made a show of looking at the lost phone. With his head down and his hair covering his eyes he glanced between Sam and Callen. Sam shrugged and Callen looked peeved. He kicked at the bucket, knocking what was left of the phone loose from the bottom. He picked up the can and stuffed it under his arm. With three sets of eyes on him, he walked over to Hetty's desk.

She looked up at him and waited for him to speak.

Pouting slightly, he said "I'd like to requisition a new phone, please."

With a knowing glance that momentarily stopped his heart, she peered at him and answered, "I believe Miss Jones can set you up with one very soon." She waved him away and watched him walk up the stairs.

A poker face settled on her features, but inside she was grinning with glee; the amusement she received thanks to Marty Deeks' antics and the frustration he caused Sam and Callen were worth the cost of a new phone and a one-of-a-kind highly-classified bomb powered by a yet (officially) unnamed and extremely rare explosive material. That was the cost to protect the friendship between Deeks and Danny.

Because friendships like that are as rare as Henriettium.

* * *

**A/N:** trytofindme's resolute refusal to accept Callen and Sam figuring out the thing Deeks and Danno have going on included one of my favourite words: destruction. It followed 'phone' and I thought what better way to do it than with explosive materials? Good call, trytofindme, good call.


	20. I Dub Thee Willy

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Own? Nope.  
**A/N I:** Wahoo! This little story has turned 20, let's celebrate by getting the two shows together in the same room again.  
**A/N II:** Give yourselves a big pat on the back, because if it wasn't for you reading it and leaving reviews, this never would have gone past the first chapter. Thank you to those who dropped a note at the end of the last chapter: storyfan101, Craftygirl11, ncisloverinnc, HayNSW2711, jmlane1966, Fallenqueen2 (fist pump...NOW), AgentFraniJones, Rivan Warrioress, trytofindme, a guest, Buzzkill15, sunny irish, guest m, tigger0714, and volvagia09.

* * *

**I Dub Thee Willy**

"No." The finality of that one word rang through the room and across the ocean.

A sign came back through the phone. "Danny, don't be difficult."

Danny reminded himself that this situation wasn't his phone's fault and that he shouldn't crush the object with his bare hand. "This is not a simple trip to the corner store, Rachel! And by the way, that shouldn't be happening any time soon either."

"The airlines have a program for this, she'll be watched at all times and they guarantee her safety."

"No! I'm not letting her fly to Las Vegas for the weekend!"

"You can have another weekend with her if that's the problem."

"Don't change the subject. I know the statistics. You've conveniently avoided the fact that she would have a stop-over in LA where she'll be wandering around an extremely large and busy airport. What's your plan for that?"

Danny could almost hear Rachel grinding her teeth in Nevada. "I hadn't. It's just…I want her here." The silence stretched on until she added "Please?"

Danny bit the inside of his cheek and tapped his foot waiting for some sign to show up in front of him. When it seemed as though nothing was coming, he finally nodded. Then it occurred to him that Rachel couldn't see him nodding so he'd have to put it into words. "Yeah. Okay. Let me know."

"Thanks. I'll call you with the details."

"Yeah…" Inspiration struck. "Wait, I'll let this happen under one condition."

Rachel sighed, she was so close. "What now?"

"I have to pass it by someone else. I'll call you when I know." He hung up immediately, maybe because he was in a hurry to make sure it would happen but also so he didn't get any grief from Rachel. He speed-dialed the number which also happened to cut off any attempts by Rachel to get him back on the phone. The phone rang in his ear and he crossed his fingers that it wouldn't go to voicemail. It didn't.

"Hey, I've got a favour to ask."

* * *

Grace fiddled with the strap on her backpack. She had been excited to fly but terrified when her dad explained that she would be taking the trip on her own. She had bit her tongue to keep from begging him to come with her, she had to be brave, like him. That, and she had noticed that he was very tense and probably would have bundled her up in his arms and refused to let her go if she had breathed a word that she was nervous. She would have been okay with that, but she knew then he would have gotten in trouble from her mom.

They both loved her, and in some ways still loved each other, but they could drive each other nuts sometimes.

Oh yes, she had heard Danno's ringtone for her mom.

Truthfully, she thought it was funny. But she'd never tell her mom about it.

So here she sat in her seat on the plane waiting for everyone else to get off. She could feel the weight of her phone in her pocket, the one that was never to leave her side, and the can of Mace in her other pocket, the one that Uncle Steve had given her. She had it with her when she went through security and the agent had tried to take it away, but then Uncle Steve had crossed his arms and glared at him until he meekly handed it back to her. Uncle Steve and Danno had flashed their badges and walked her all the way through to the gate and waited with her until she got on the plane. They had both given her big hugs and told her she'd be fine. Danno had whispered in her ear that he loved her and sent her on her way.

She looked down at the strap and found it crinkled in her hand. She spread it out on her leg and tried to smooth out the wrinkles. Suddenly the flight attendant came up to her seat.

"Everyone's off the plane. Are you ready?" They had told her to stay until the end so that she wouldn't be lost in the crush of people.

She nodded, stood, and slipped her backpack onto her shoulders.

"Alright, take my hand." Grace did as she was told and found the hand soft. "I understand someone is going to meet you and stay with you for the length of the layover?"

She nodded again.

"Do you know what this person looks like?"

She shook her head. "No, but he'll have a sign."

The two walked down through the concourse and into the terminal. There was a separate hallway from the waiting area for the gates and leaning up against the wall was a man holding a sign: "Hey Monkey, Danno says hi". Grace pulled the flight attendant over to the shaggy blond and smiled.

"Does he know you call him Danno?"

He grinned, "He told me what to write on the sign; he was in my phone as 'D-squared'. Mostly I just call him annoying." He passed her the sign and tugged out his wallet for the flight attendant. "Detective Marty Deeks, I believe Detective Williams gave you my name?"

She smiled, "Yes he did."

"You know mine, but I don't know yours."

She blushed and let go of Grace's hand. "I'm passing over the responsibility of watching over Miss Williams to you. I'll see you once we load the plane." She smiled again, turned and walked away.

He turned to face Grace and dropped his hands on his hips. "So, what shall we do for the next three hours, or so?"

Grace shrugged.

"Have you ever fed a seahorse?"

"No." Grace squinted up at her dad's friend. "I guess you wouldn't feed it hay."

Deeks grinned, "How about we go find out?" He held out his hand and she grabbed it. Together they worked their way out of the terminal and to the busy lobby. Grace looked at the crush of people and gulped. She tightened her grip on his hand and slid closer. He twisted away and dropped down to one knee. With wide eyes she turned from the crowd to look at his face. He cocked an eyebrow and asked "How about a piggyback ride?" That earned him her first real smile since she hugged her dad goodbye.

With both arms wrapped around his neck and her legs held snug to his side, they wove their way through people, luggage carts, and kiosks. There was one close call when a runaway luggage cart collided with an empty wheelchair, but Deeks danced around it with a quick two-step. Grace giggled and felt the laughter rumble through his chest.

Once they finally found Deeks' car, which somehow turned into an epic hunt involving code names and complicated search grid patterns, they stowed Grace's backpack in the trunk. Deeks tapped away at his phone and then they were off, heading north. They threaded their way through the traffic and grabbed a parking spot close to the beach. Hand-in-hand they walked down the sidewalks, dodging surfers, swimmers, tourists, and locals. They finally stopped in front of door clearly marked with a 'closed' sign.

"It's closed."

Deeks looked around, his eyes settling on what he was looking for on his left. He tugged Grace, and they walked over to a different door where he knocked on the glass.

The door opened and a man with a similar haircut and build appeared. "Hiya D, come on in." His T-shirt proudly proclaimed that he was 'STAFF'. He shut the door behind them. "I'm Jimmy and welcome to the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium! What would you like to do first?"

Grace smirked, "Do seahorses eat seahay?"

Jimmy laughed, "Want to feed them some and see if they like it?"

"Wait!" Deeks held up his hand before either of them moved. "I'm setting the alarm on my phone. When this goes off we have to go back to the airport." He stared at his phone, smiled triumphantly, and slid the phone into his pocket. "Alright! Let's go have some fun."

The time passed in a blur, Grace plastered her face against more aquariums than she had ever seen in one place before. With no other kids to jostle with for position, she simply stared at the fish in wonder. Jimmy took her behind the walls and she peered into the tanks from above, feeding some of the animals. She stuck her hand into one tank that was growing kelp and made faces when the slimy vegetation slapped at her arm. Jimmy bestowed upon her the honour of naming their newest addition, a rescued octopus, which she dubbed 'Willy'.

Too soon the phone stashed in Deeks' back pocket began chirping. The three groaned and then sighed. Jimmy took off and Deeks frowned.

"It's time to go, you have to finish the trip to Vegas."

Grace thought hard, did she really want to go? That thought passed quickly, of course she did.

Jimmy came back holding a T-shirt and a button. "Here's a T-shirt to remember us by and your official membership to the aquarium. I hope you can come back and visit Willy sometime."

Grace smiled and took the items from him. "Thanks, I hope I can come back too."

Deeks drove back south, pushing the speed limit to get her there in time. They wove their way through the lobby again and he flashed his badge so that he could accompany her all the way to the gate. They didn't have much time to spare and when they called for boarding, they had finally caught their breath. He walked her up to the gate and said good-bye as they waited in the line.

"Next time you'll come through her with your mom, but do me a favour, wave to me when you're taking off to Hawaii."

She nodded and then they were at the counter. Deeks passed over her boarding pass, but before Grace let go of his hand she tugged on it. He turned and dropped to one knee with a question in his eyes. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug. He pulled her in with his arms and squeezed.

"Thanks, I had a lot of fun."

Deeks let go and said "Me too. Say hi to your dad for me."

She nodded and then headed towards the plane. She waved one last time before he disappeared out of sight.

When her mom asked her about her layover in LA she smiled and said it was a lot of fun. Then she opened the file on her phone that had the pictures and looked at the one of her, Deeks, and Willy. Her friends would be jealous when she got home.

* * *

**A/N:** Cuteness as promised. I'll admit, even my sarcastic heart warmed at this one. Guest m and AgentFraniJones, your wish is granted.


	21. Cat Barn Horse! Bag!

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Nuh-uh.  
**A/N:** Cars run on gas, I run on chocolate, and it appears that this story runs on reviews, seeing as ya'll got some great suggestions. Thanks to Fallenqueen2, Craftygirl11, storyfan101, TMVH50, emceejay, AgenFraniJones, PurpleHipposRock, NCISRookie33, Sweet Lu, trytofindme, ncisloverinnc, shestarsky, HayNSW2711, fiveOFan, sunny irish, kath46, two guests, guest m, Oloryn, fanficlover, stront, SuchASeaweedBrain, and SupernaturalGeek for leaving one.

* * *

**Cat. Barn. Horse! Bag!**

"Hold on Steve, I have to take this." Danny turned away from his partner and answered his phone. "Hello?" Deep breathing came bouncing over the line. "Hello? Hello? Are you breathing into a paper bag?"

The breathing paused. "Maybe." It started up again.

Danny turned back to Steve, "Give me a minute. I'll meet you at the car." Steve nodded and started down the stairs. Danny pulled the phone back up to his mouth. "Lay off the bag and give me some clue as to what is going on."

"The cat is out of the barn! The horses have left the bag!"

"Okay, I think what you mean to say is that the cat is out of the bag and the horses have left the barn. Still not an explanation." Danny's gestures punctuated the sentence, even if they couldn't be seen. Short breaths filled the space and Danny resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall.

"They know!" The two words hissed along the airwaves, sending a chill down Danny's back and brought back the night spent watching Lord of the Rings in the theatre. The two memories that stood out was regretting drinking his Super Gulp during the previews and the weird little creature, Gall? Gallum? Gull? Gollum! screeching.

"Know…hold on." Danny pulled the phone away from his mouth and called down the staircase, "Steve, I know you're at the bottom waiting. This is going to take longer than I thought. Could you pick me up some lunch?"

There was some shuffling and then finally, "Okay. But I wasn't listening!"

"Sure you weren't. Make sure there isn't any pineapple on whatever creation Kamekono has today." He waited until he heard the bang of the door before heading back to his office; this was going to take a while, he might as well sit down. "Run it from the top."

* * *

Kensi and Deeks had been sitting in the same place for two hours. The team had been following the movement of a package in an attempt to find a new drug kingpin that had found his way onto their radar. Sam had used his connections to slip said package to the right person who was unknowingly passing a tracking device to one of the lieutenants. Both men had shown up and after completing a complicated handshake, the package was stowed in the lieutenant's truck. Kensi had tailed the man to what they suspected was the headquarters. The lack of movement had somewhat confirmed that suspicion. They stayed until all the lights went out and movement ceased. Deeks placed a booster for the tracker's signal high in a tree and then they drove back to their headquarters.

They headed inside to grab their respective car keys so that they could head home for at least a couple hours of sleep. Kensi headed straight for the coffee pot, more than likely to see if there were still any donuts left. Deeks smirked as he watched her rustle through the table's contents. Finally, he heard her walk up behind him and she knocked the back of his leg with her foot. He turned, wondering what donut she had found, and instead found something for him.

In his defense, he had been leaning against his desk and didn't quite straighten up as he turned. Further in his defense, he's pretty sure that button wasn't undone in the car.

She was going to kill him once she figured out what he'd gotten a look at but before he could figure out if is was folds in the shirt or if he had just seen a teeny tiny bit of a lace edged bra, a mug appeared in his sightline.

"Coffee? It's still hot."

Deeks latched onto the distraction. Anything to pull his eyes away from something that was most definitely going to get them aggressively removed by an angry brunette. "Sure!" He grabbed the cup and took a big gulp.

Bad mistake.

Hot.

Very hot.

He swallowed, but tears formed in the corners of his eyes. He blinked to clear them, and found his beautiful view had moved on.

"I told you it was hot." Kensi rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but how it could it be this hot after…" Wait, he'd blinked to clear those tears and then they were gone. Why were the lockers blurry? He blinked a few more times, but they just became more blurry. Then they skidded sideways. "Uh oh." He dropped back and sat down hard on his desk. He fumbled to put down his mug, trying not to drop and break it.

Kensi ran up and peered at him through concerned eyes, "Are you okay?"

"He's fine, just slightly sedated." Callen wove past Kensi to grab Deeks' one arm and Sam appeared just as suddenly and grabbed the other. They manoeuvred him over to the couch and sat him up, propped up with pillows.

"You drugged him!? You used me to drug my partner?! You said you wanted him to drink coffee so that you'd win a bet! Why are you here?" Kensi was trying to process what she had just unwittingly done.

"It'll wear off in a couple of hours. No harm done." Sam waved Kensi off.

Deeks' head rolled back and he found himself staring at the ceiling. There were pretty  
lights above him. He lifted his hand to grab onto one of the pretty lights, but someone pushed his hand back down. That was rude, the pretty lights were winking at him, they deserved a high five.

"High five."

"Okay, Deeks, you with me?"

"Beaks? I don't see a bird." Deeks giggled, if he squinted and opened his eyes the lights would go different colours.

"Marty, we have a question for you." Sam patted Deeks' cheek to get his attention. Kensi was pacing behind the partners, but every time she tried to get closer, one of them would strategically place themselves in her way. "Callen, is this going to work?"

"It has to; since his phone got blown up the contact number is gone so we need the name from him."

"Is he okay?" Kensi blurted out, frustrated that she had been dragged into this.

"He's fine." Sam once again waved off Kensi's concern.

"Marty, what is the real name of D-squared?"

Deeks stopped looking at the lights and gazed at his two teammates in front of him. They looked so serious, maybe he should try and help them. Then they would leave him alone and he could finally high five the lights. "D-squared is gone. Boom. No more." It was the truth, he wouldn't lie to them. But they didn't look any happier.

"What are you doing?" Kensi stopped pacing and planted her fists on her hips.

"Nothing!" They answered in unison.

"I should hope not."

Cold tentacles of fear rushed down the spines of Sam and Callen; they froze, remembering that a predator spots its victims by their sudden movements. Their eyes slid to the side and they communicated through eyebrows and squinting. Oh, who were they kidding? They just drugged Deeks in an attempt, yet another failed attempt, to chase down a ghost.

Callen turned, as nonchalantly as one could while attempting to protect one's most vital of organs. "What are you doing here?"

Hetty stared up at her team leader, slowly blinked and pursed her lips. The lack of emotion on her face was as worrisome as the fact that her hands were hidden behind her back, covering whatever she might be holding in them. "I assume for the same reason as you." She gestured towards Kensi with her left hand, keeping her right hidden, "to hear the report on what happened at the hand-off."

"Us too." Sam smiled a big grin at his boss, moving slightly to shield Deeks from her view.

She nodded, cocked an eyebrow, glared at both men, and then turned to walk to the staircase.

Callen and Sam, through a series of nods, eyebrow lifting, and face twitches, made a decision. They turned back to Deeks whose head was tipped back at an impossible angle and was softly snoring. Callen kept one eye on the staircase while Sam cradled Deeks' neck and moved in to lie on the one end of the couch. He then lifted his feet to the other end. Callen handed him a blanket and Sam shook it out and covered Deeks up. The blanket was neatly tucked in all while Kensi stood cross-armed and glaring at the partners.

"He's going to be fine. Stop trying to light us on fire with the heat of your stare." Callen hissed at Kensi.

"I'm not trying to light you on fire; I'm trying to explode your head, obviously."

"We didn't think you'd care." Sam tried for innocent, but fell short into smarmy.

Kensi huffed and gestured at Deeks, "He'll be fine; he's had worse happen to him. What I don't appreciate is being _used_. Honestly, was there ever a bet?"

Callen and Sam suddenly found their shoes very interesting.

"Are you ever going to do something like this again?" Kensi pierced them with a stare. "And let me be clear, there is only one right answer."

"No." They sighed in unison.

A whistle sounded from above. They looked at each other, curious because Eric wasn't supposed to be there yet. The three walked towards the stairs to find Hetty standing at the top, calmly waiting. She raised an eyebrow. "What, did you think that Mr. Beale is the only one able to create such a sound? Will Mr. Deeks be joining us?"

Callen and Sam shuffled their feet but Kensi was the first to speak up. "No, he's tired and using the couch for a nap." Hetty nodded slowly and then turned to walk back to Ops. Kensi mouthed 'You owe me' to the sheepish partners and climbed the stairs to follow Hetty. Callen and Sam followed, leaving the snoozing Deeks to sleep off his spiked coffee.

* * *

"So they drugged your coffee and then what happened?" Danny was trying to make sense of the rambling and non-specific story Deeks was attempting to tell him.

"All I remember is landing on the couch somehow and staring at the lights. I wake up this morning on the couch all tucked in under a blanket and a missing team."

"Where are you now?"

"The file room because no one comes in here. I think they finally got it out of me." It sounded as though Deeks was squeezing the words out of himself.

Danny sighed, it wasn't that either of them were _trying_ to hide what they were doing, it was just…it was nice to have someone else that understood the craziness that was caused by being on a specialized task force. He was mentally preparing for the upcoming comments that were sure to come from Steve once the secret made its way from Sam. He was still thinking when there was a bit of a commotion on the other end of the phone. There was rustling, Danny guessed Deeks had dropped the phone and some muted voices. Suddenly the voices came through clear enough to understand.

_Is that Mr. Williams? ... Uh, what? You, uh … Yes, I remember him and his insubordination. Tell him hello from _Ms. Lange._ Cheeky, that one. Like someone else I know._

This was followed by more rustling and then Deeks came back on the line. "Well, uh, turns out _she_ knows but no one else. Apparently I mumbled on about the lights and then passed out."

"How does she know?" Danny felt a rush of relief.

There was a heavy moment of silence. "Dude, she's _Hetty Lange_."

"Right…dumb question. Glad to know everything's okay. By the way Grace says hi and asks that you visit Willy if you can."

"I'll do that. I should get back to work."

Danny looked up to see Steve coming down the hallway. "I have lunch to eat. Good luck with the terrible two."

Steve knocked on the door and dropped a bag onto Danny's desk. "No pineapple, as requested."

Danny pulled out an apple and orange. "What's this?"

The corner of Steve's mouth pulled up, "He was making fruit salad; didn't feel like cutting it up for you if you were going to dictate his flavour choices."

Sometimes it would be more productive to just bang his head against the wall.

* * *

**A/N:** One, storyfan101 suggested that Kensi may open a button to get her way, and so she did. Two, we've been in LA for a while now, but this one was too good to pass up; next time, back to Hawaii!


	22. Wall, Meet Head

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I own no show, but I do own the life experiences that caused this chapter  
**A/N:** You like it, you really like it! Thanks to Fallenqueen2, storyfan101, Oloryn, jmlane1966, volvagia09, TMVH50, HayNSW2711, SupernaturalGeek, Tigger0714, Guest, AngentFraniJones, sunny irish, guest m (twice!), fiveOFan, fanficlover (twice!), christinaemerald, Mei2, tvj12, and cnw72 for your reviews.

* * *

**Wall, Meet Head.**

Sometimes it _would _be more productive to just bang his head against the wall.

Danny had learned a series of lessons over the past week:

1. Shower curtains are dangerous.  
2. Stand mixers are also dangerous.  
3. Business cards are dangerous to your health.

How did he come to these realizations? It's a long story…

* * *

Danny flipped the package over to find the opening. The tape did its job a bit too well, but a slice of a knife opened it up. He tugged the shower curtain out of the package and flicked it to shake it out. It stuck. He sighed at closed the toilet lid and sat down to start peeling it apart. By the time he had it apart the entire room was filled with the distinct smell of a new shower curtain and the shower curtain itself.

"How big is this thing?" Danny asked himself as he dug the packaging out from where it was lying on the floor. "Seventy by seventy-two inches? More like ten feet by ten feet by ten feet." The curtain, still stiff and filled with folds, had managed to puff itself up so much that the bottom half of the bathroom was gone.

The predicament only got worse when he waded over to the shower to remove the bar holding up the perfectly serviceable clear shower curtain. He waded back to his seat with the bar and curtain in tow and tried to find a place to put them down where they wouldn't get lost.

As he shifted the new curtain around in order to find the side with the holes, the thought back to the shopping trip that caused this havoc.

_"Daddy, you should get this!" Grace held out a brightly coloured package._

_ "What did you find, monkey?" Danny took the package from her and stared at the description. He furrowed his brows and looked down at his daughter. "It's a shower curtain."_

_ "Uh-huh." She nodded excitedly._

_ "I have a shower curtain."_

_ Grace sighed dramatically. "No, you have a boring clear curtain." She pointed at the one in his hands. "This one is fun and matches the bathroom."_

_ "How could this mash-up of blues and greens match the bathroom? The bathroom is white."_

_ She rolled her eyes. "Daaad, it's cream and this will add colour!"_

He'd bought it; Grace had taken this as a sign that she was allowed to decorate the apartment. They had gone in to buy new towels because his old ones now had holes too big to ignore in them. They had walked out with the curtain, a mirror, new throw pillows, a wall-mounted tie rack, and the towels. And since he had the spare time, he was now hanging said curtain. He poked the centres of the holes out and with much difficulty threaded the hooks through the holes. It was a balancing act worthy of the circus as he tried to keep all the hooks on the rod while manoeuvring one of them through the curtain.

Finally all the hooks held two curtains. He lifted the rod into the air and shook it out…and then groaned.

He'd put it on backwards.

The new curtain was printed on one side which was now facing the other curtain. He leaned to the side and groaned into the wall. After some special Italian words he had learned out behind the school building, he set on unhooking the curtain and flipping it around. This time it was on right. With a satisfied smirk he stood up and kicked the curtains out of the way of his feet as he traversed the space between him and the tub. He dumped the whole set-up in the tub and lifted the rod towards its home.

"Of course, I'm too short to reach. Why would this go easily?" he huffed. He eyed the edge of the tub and made a decision. He pulled off his socks and stepped up on the edge. With his feet planted his balance wasn't bad and he leaned down to grab the rod. With some squatting and wavering to keep his balance, he jammed the one end of the rod into its home and slid the other end into its spot. He twisted and pushed so that the tension would keep it up. Confident it would stay, he stepped down with one foot.

"Take that!" He stomped his other foot on the ground and turned to leave.

However, gravity had a different idea.

His foot had landed on the discarded packaging and as he spun the foot slid out from underneath him. His arms windmilled and he fell backwards, unceremoniously, onto his butt.

That was going to leave a mark in the form of one big bruise.

It was then that he decided shower curtains are dangerous.

* * *

"I don't understand why you needed my help with this. You just follow in the instructions on the back of the package." Danny waved the box in front of Steve's face.

Steve turned away, bent down, and started opening cabinets. Danny watched as his arms and part of his head disappeared into the corner cabinet. Danny leaned against the island and set his chin on his fist with a look of amusement. Steve worked his way out of the cabinet and emerged with a stand mixer. He placed it gently on the counter and plugged it in while Danny held in a grin.

"You going all Martha Stewart on us? First you tell me you have to make a cake and now you haul this out?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Mary bought it the last time she was here. Something about muffins and chopping eggs. There's a box full of attachments shoved further in there. She shredded all the cheese we had in the fridge in a matter of minutes." The pained and disgruntled look etched into Steve's face broke Danny's resolve and he burst out laughing.

"You still haven't answered my question. Why _am_ I here? There's instructions right here." Danny tapped the package.

A huff came from behind the mixer. "As you are so happy to point out, I don't follow directions well. You read, I'll bake. Besides," Steve's head peeked out holding a smile, "If something goes wrong, I'll just blame it on you."

Danny's only retort was to roll his eyes, refusing to take the bait, and to read off the ingredient list. "Put it all in the bowl including the cake mix."

Steve measured and cracked the eggs. He cut the top off of the bag and dumped in the powder. "Now what?"

"It says to 'beat cake ingredients with electric mixer for…'"

Danny never got to finish his sentence because there was a loud whirling noise followed by his mouth suddenly filling up and his eyes becoming gritty, worse than a day at the beach. He smacked his mouth closed and wiped at his face. He opened his eyes to see Steve covered in powder and sticky goo.

"What did you do?"

Steve's mouth gaped open and then closed, he somewhat resembled a fish out of water. "I…I…turned on the mixer." Steve swiped at his own face and clothes.

"On what? What did you turn it on to?"

"How fast does it go?"

Danny squinted at the power setting, "Ten, it goes to ten."

"Then it was on ten." Steve frowned at the mess. "Those instructions don't seem right, all of this should still be in the bowl."

Danny sighed and Steve thought to warn him that those kinds of sighs could throw out his back, but now didn't seem to be the time.

"You didn't let me finish. The instructions say to beat the ingredients on low!"

Steve harrumphed and stuck his fists on his hips. "How am I supposed to make cupcakes for Catherine now?"

"I am going to go shake as much of this off as I can and then I will go get another package. You" Danny jammed his finger in Steve's direction "will clean up this mess. When I get back we'll try this again."

Steve considered the proposal and then nodded. Danny walked out on the porch and shook out his shirt, he headed for his car and once in, he locked the doors.

And then laughed until tears squeezed out of the corners of his eyes. If only he had a camera.

It was then that he decided that stand mixers are also dangerous.

* * *

Danny reread the email and ground his teeth while he typed his reply.

_Thank you for submitting my request for new business cards, but my first name is spelled 'Danny' not 'Donny'._

If only it was that simple. The next email acknowledged his change and asked him to review the information they had received. He did and groaned. He did a quick search of their database and found that the phone number they had listed would direct people to a local tattoo parlor. He noted this in the next reply along with the correct phone number.

An alert popped up for his inbox and he opened the new one from the business card people. He calmly stood, walked over to the wall, and banged his head against it. Repeatedly.

Chin, who was walking by, stuck his head through the doorway and asked "What are you doing?"

"It's more productive – at least this way I'm making gravel out of the concrete walls."

"I'm going to ask. Why are you doing this?"

Danny continued slowly knocking his head and pointed towards his computer.

Chin moved around the desk and read the sample business card on the screen "Danny Willems? They spelled your last name wrong."

Now Danny just rested his head against the wall. "This is their third try."

Taking pity on his friend, Chin wrote an email back and corrected the mistake.

A week later Danny opened his box of new business cards with a hint of worry, hoping that this time they had gotten everything right. Thankfully, it was.

It didn't change his mind though; business cards are dangerous to your health.

* * *

**A/N:** April Fools is coming up in just over a month. Personally, I love pranks (I know, massive surprise there). There was a review from guest m back in December about doing an April Fools chapter. I agree. I'm going to put this out there: if you are going to leave a review any way, add on who you would like to see pranked most. It'll probably be best if there's one from each show. Deeks & Danny won't necessarily be the ones doing the pranking, so feel free to include them.


	23. Got Stabbed Steve's Fault

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Own no shows.  
**A/N:** I'm glad you all have opinions on who must be pranked and am so happy I'm not the only one to have mishaps with mixers, shower curtains or misspelt names. They do make for good stories, though. Thanks to Craftygirl11, storyfan101, jmlane1966, volvagia09, Rolodexthoughts, SupernaturalGeek, Moonkittyru, Fallenqueen2, TMVH50, AgentFraniJones, PurpleHipposRock, HayNSW2711, Guest, guest m (of course I remembered, been planning on this since Christmas!), Narwhayley, shestarsky, bhemmen, fanficlover, Mei2, and sunny irish (phew, there were a lot of you!) for the reviews and the votes.

* * *

**Got Stabbed. Steve's Fault.**

Danny reached for the tray, but it was just too far out of his reach. The stitches in his side pulled and he sat back in a huff. "Getting knifed sucks" he mumbled to himself as he glared at the container of jello that was just out of his reach. But these were the things that happened to him when he was Steve McGarret's back-up. It wouldn't be so bad, except that the spot where the gangbanger had sliced his knife held many muscles that preferred to stay connected to each other. He was fine if he didn't move, but a twist, turn, or hiccup threatened to roll his eyes back in his head due to the shooting pains. At least he had a cute nurse. Small mercies.

* * *

Grace held out her phone and showed Steve the picture of Willy. In it she was standing beside the tank making a crazy face and the picture was slightly blurry due to the photographer's shoulders quaking in laughter. She used her fingers to zoom in and make a close-up of the octopus. Steve made the appropriate responses but was focussed on the top corner of the frame. Showtime over, Grace wandered back into her dad's room.

Steve nudged Catherine and motioned her to come close. She complied, wondering what was in his head this time. He whispered into her ear, "If I can get that picture, can you run an analysis on it to find out who took the picture? Their face is reflected in the glass."

Catherine sighed internally. She pulled at his head to get his ear by her mouth. "No." She said at full volume. He winced and pulled away, but she had the foresight to get a firm grip in his hair. At a whisper she explained her reasons. "Danny is even more protective than you, so reign in whatever craziness is running amok in your brain. If he didn't say anything, leave it alone." She softened her refusal with a kiss to his temple and then released his head.

He made a face that Catherine had never seen before but it disappeared when Danny came rolling out of his room tucked in a wheelchair. The nurse had emerged first and was grinning at the sight in front of them. It seemed that Grace had taken charge of his wheelchair and was pushing it for him. When Steve went to open his mouth, Danny's scowl and Catherine's elbow ground into his side silenced whatever smart remark resided on his tongue.

Catherine took in the sweet smile on Grace's face and the barely concealed discomfort on Danny's and decided to take some pity on the man. "Grace, you've done a wonderful job, but how about you and I go get some shaved ice and let Uncle Steve get your dad settled at home." The argument carrying on in Danny's head showed through his eyes as he debated what would be worse: surrendering himself to Steve's care or breaking his daughter's perception that he was unbreakable. In the end he chose to uphold his reputation in Grace's eyes and gave a tight nod.

Grace came around the chair, "Is that okay?"

Danny smiled brightly, "Sure, you deserve it. Make sure Kamekona gives you a big scoop."

Grace skipped over to Catherine and grabbed hold of her outstretched hand. Together they headed for the door and towards the promised treat.

* * *

Steve had behaved in front of the medical staff at the hospital, but based on the glint forming in his eyes, Danny wasn't going to enjoy the next few minutes. The car pulled in front of Danny's place and then it began.

"Want me to carry you into the house, seeing as you refused the wheelchair." The hint of teeth in his smile reminded Danny off the wolf he had encountered during one of his high school trips into the New Jersey forests. Long story short, he and his buddies had spent the night in a tree, but thanks to Danny's herculean effort, they had the cooler of beer up there with them. "Because, I could always throw you over my shoulder."

"Stuff it and go get me my cane so I can beat you with it." Danny resisted the urge to pull out the back-up pistol in the glove compartment and shoot his partner.

Steve smirked and climbed out of the car with ease. He used the key to get into the house and disappeared around the corner. Danny knew he had a few minutes while Steve hunted down the cane and he was going to use them. He pushed open the door and cringed. He had to try and keep his shoulders and hips in line to reduce the amount of pain. He wiggled, shifted, and lifted both legs out of the car. A sheen of sweat had built up across his forehead and his breathing was heavier than normal. He slid to the edge of the seat and with a grunt and a wheeze he pushed himself upright.

And almost blacked out.

Nope, still good. He moved around the door and walked it shut, using his weight to click the lock closed. Still leaning on the car he slid over to sit on the edge of the hood and crossed his arms. Maybe in defiance, maybe to cover the trembling. Either way, the look on Steve's face when he popped back out of the door holding the cane was completely worth the exertion.

"How..." Steve looked from Danny to the passenger seat as he handed over the cane.

Danny took the cane in his hand and started his trek towards his couch. He took pride in the fact that his hand had quit shaking. Walking proved to be less difficult as his midsection was not required to move his legs and he made it to the couch without much difficulty.

Steve cleared his throat and whipped out the paper the nurse had pressed into his hand as Danny was being 'helped' into the car. "'Caring for your midsection wound'. Hmm, interesting that they have a specific paper for this wound type."

"They knew you'd come back to the island and assumed it would be necessary." Danny eased back into the cushions.

"Speaking of necessary, we need to review your defensive techniques. That was a terrible block."

"Terrible...block..." Danny's mouth gaped open. "If I hadn't stepped in the way, that knife would have buried itself in your chest. Then we would be dealing with a gaping chest wound. Do you know how much paperwork an injury like that is worth? How exactly does one block a _knife flying through the air_?" Steve opened his mouth but Danny had found his groove. "It's not like you can just bat it out of the air seeing as half the thing was sharp enough to slice a finger off. But what am I saying, of COURSE you have a way to stop a flying blade of death. And I'm sure you can do it with 101 ordinary objects found in any setting including but not limited to: feathers, balloons, and limp spaghetti. Oh wait, I'm sorry, limp spaghetti is an offensive weapon, not defensive. Because there was that super-secret SEAL course on 114 ways to kill a man with limp spaghetti, not including him choking on it. If that'd happen, you'd probably perform the Heimlich and then challenge him to a fist fight. How many times do I have to tell you, the proper response when someone saves you from imminent death is to THANK HIM!" Danny reduced the amount of arm flinging to limit the strain on his wound, but finger pointing was in full effect along with a twisted up face.

Steve stood still for a beat, then looked down at the paper in his hands, "So what you're saying is now is a bad time to point out that this sheet is referring to midsection wounds caused by a Caesarean Section?" Steve dodged the airborne pillow and retreated into the kitchen.

* * *

Catherine gazed across the picnic table at Grace working her way through a cone of shaved ice the same size as her head. They had giggled about boys and talked about Grace's school as they battled brain freeze and dug their way down to the bottom of their cones.

"Grace, when you stopped over in LA, did you meet one of Danno's friends?"

Her eyes widened quickly and then she ducked her head. "Uh, do you like the bubblegum?"

Catherine looked down at her bright pink ice and smiled at Grace's attempt to avoid the question. "My guess is that this friend of Danno's is someone he'd prefer Steve not know about. Steve can be quite nosey and sometimes teases a bit too much."

Grace looked up from her spoon with relief in her eyes. "It's not that it's a bad secret, they're like pen pals." She paused for a moment and then words flowed out in a rush. "Marty said his friends would probably laugh at him because they think him and Danno don't like each other. Danno says that it's good to have someone to complain to that understands."

"Marty, huh? He sounds pretty cool." Grace nodded, but then her face fell a bit. Catherine covered her hand, "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell Steve. I think Danny might need some help...distracting Steve."

"Okay. Do you want to see a picture of him?" She pulled out her phone and found the picture of her with Deeks and Willy. She handed over the phone and explained the picture. "I named him Willy after my last name, Williams. That's Marty beside." Grace wiggled in her seat. "He's kinda cute." She blushed when Catherine smiled.

"He is kind of cute." They laughed together and finished off the last of their shaved ice.

* * *

"Hello?!" Grace and Catherine called as they pushed the door of Danny's place open. They found Danny snoozing on the couch and Steve in the kitchen. Catherine tapped him on the shoulder and he jumped.

"Don't sneak up on me." Steve looked slightly pained that he'd been caught unaware.

"Are you..." Catherine peered at him "hiding in here?"

Steve grabbed Catherine's shoulders "Shh!" He peeked around the wall to see Grace curled up in the chair reading a book while Danny slept soundly. "He went off on another rant and I came in here. When I looked out, he was asleep and I've been trying to keep it that way."

"I'm here now. You can go and do what you have to get done." Steve smiled his thanks and edged out of the kitchen. He shimmied along the wall and closed the door with a soft click.

"Is he gone?" Danny's head popped off the back of the couch.

"How do you feel?" Grace asked.

"Grace, can I talk to you dad?" Catherine stepped in, judging that the answer to Grace's question was a resounding 'not good'. Grace nodded and took off to her room.

Catherine turned to Danny and tugged the chair closer to the couch. "Couple of questions, first, a repeat of Grace's and I want the honest truth."

"Sore. I think yelling at Steve did wonders for my mental health, but tugged the stitches a little too hard."

"Second, why were you pretending to sleep?"

"Didn't feel like yelling at Steve again."

"Third, is this the kind of thing you'd talk to Marty Deeks about?"

"Yeah, he'd probably have something..." His sentence trailed off and his eyes tightened. "How did you know about Deeks?" He struggled to sit straighter.

Catherine waved him back. "Grace told me. I had to promise I would never tell Steve. He appears to be sniffing at a trail but Grace says you'd rather him not know."

Danny groaned. "At least she can tell who can keep a secret, you can keep a secret, right?" Catherine nodded. "Fine, I do need some help. He's easy to distract, but he's like a hound dog and won't give up the scent."

"I figured that when he made this face after seeing Grace's picture of Willy with a murky face reflected in the glass. It was weird; it was like he smelled something awful and his eyebrows were trying to push into the centre of his head."

"And his eyes got all tensed up and twitchy and a vein started popping out of his neck?"

"Yeah," Catherine thought back to the sight, "how'd you know?"

"It's his aneurysm face. Happens when he starts thinking too hard."

Catherine patted him on his arm. "By the way we picked up your package." She pointed at the forgotten box sitting on the table and passed it over.

Danny shook it a bit and smiled. "My mom sent me cookies. It's like she senses these things coming. Chocolate raspberry based on the weight and sound." Catherine stared at him, dubious of the prediction. "I can tell, it's a gift."

"I should be going. I'll let you know if anything comes up."

"Great, thanks for your help." He waved as she shut the door. "Grace, your grandma sent cookies!" He bundled the box in his arms and tucked it out of the way as the blur came bursting out of the hallway.

"The first one's mine!"

* * *

Deeks munched on a cookie as he tried to open the box one-handed. He was not putting down the treat to finish pulling off the tape. Once he'd made a hole big enough to get at the rest of the cookies, he gave up and pulled out a second. He grabbed his phone and tapped out a message.

_Your mom sent me cookies. They're so good._

_ Me too, Grace and I are eating them right now._

Deeks looked at the phone and did some math. _Shouldn't you be at work?_

_ Got stabbed. Took the rest of the day off._

_ Steve?_

_ Who else?_

There really wasn't an answer for that so Deeks didn't bother. He reached for his third cookie and then realized he should see how many there were. Hmm, he was going to have to ration them to make them last.

* * *

**A/N I:** The line about '114 ways to kill a man with limp spaghetti' belongs to The Cat's Whiskers which I was graciously allowed to use. tvj12 pointed out that Deeks has help keeping the secret, maybe Danny does too. I agree.

**A/N II:** I have bad news, good news, and other bad news...  
Bad news: Due to life in general, this will (most likely) be the last one until the April Fools-aganza. I know it's going to be a while. Ration the cookies!  
Good news: The NCIS:LA portion of April's Foolings is (mostly) written.  
Bad news: The Hawaii 5-0 portion is lacking inspiration. So, if you're going to leave a comment anyway, convince me who needs to get pranked/do the pranking. Best answer gets a cookie.


	24. Aprilscherz

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own...  
**A/N I:** IT'S HERE! Thanks to guest m for suggesting an April Fool's themed chapter way back at Christmas and thanks for all your suggestions! I had fun trying to figure out who was going to do what to whom and ended up, well, you'll see below.  
**A/N II:** Thanks for waiting patiently while was too busy to update (hopefully this'll make up for it) and for leaving reviews: spiralgal, leeanz, Oloryn, AgentFraniJones, HayNSW2711, Craftygirl11, shestarsky, trytofindme, tvj12, jason rose, SupernaturalGeek, jmlane1966, frostfalcon, PurpleHipposRock, Mei2, , guest, guest m, fiveOfan, loveRnB, and MeganT, thanks again!

* * *

**Aprilscherz**

_Somewhere in the Los Angeles metropolis..._

Sam slid through the doorway and softly closed the door behind him. He had avoided the cameras and the neighbours by employing proper spycraft and observing his environment. The timer on his phone said that the place was his for the next 43 minutes, assuming the fastest time was run today.

A smile cracked his face open and he rubbed his hands together. April Fools was a great day to put into practice his pranking skills. Every year he picked one good prank and spent a month planning it. This time he had chosen one of his teammates and they were in for a surprise. He started by slinking his way through the apartment, checking the area and scouting the furniture. He was part-way through setting up his epic plan when he noticed a box sitting on the kitchen counter. Curious, he edged over to it and leaned over to read the label without moving the box.

"What secrets have you been hiding?"

* * *

Eric was oblivious to the world around him as the surf pounded down around him. He had caught a good wave and was riding it all the way to the shore. Once his wave evened out, he jumped off the board and waded back to shore. He wanted to check if he had the time for one more ride before work. He was lucky that Deeks had clued him into the early morning surfing at this beach. Especially since today was an awesome day of waves. Deeks had pouted and told him that even though he couldn't go, Eric had to go and have fun for both of them. He found his phone ringing and quickly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Eric, I need you to run a search. Now." Sam's voice left no room for argument.

Eric automatically grabbed for his computer, but his hands stilled, "uh, this isn't one of those searches that Hetty would disapprove of, is it?"

Sam's sigh echoed through the line. "It's a simple back trace, and you're not on federal time yet."

Eric debated in his head, but seeing as he wasn't in the office and his computer did have the search engine that he had 'designed' (or hacked into all the right places), he did as he was asked.

* * *

"Nell, are you almost done? Eric's on his phone and he's probably going to head back to his place for a shower before work."

A slight grunt and a puff of air preceded her response. "Yep, I just tucked the cords back into place and am leaving now. He's going to throw a fit when he turns on his computer tonight." A muffled giggle worked its way through the line.

"I think he's late enough that he won't try to turn it on this morning, the perfect waves took care of that for us."

"He won't risk Hetty's wrath by showing up late. We are so good."

Deeks laughed and said goodbye as he ducked his head and jogged behind where Eric stood on the beach, talking into his phone and frantically tapping on his tablet. Eric was completely unaware of their brilliant plan.

* * *

Callen had watched Kensi walk into work and had sprung into motion. The spare key he had lifted from the garage unlocked the Cadillac and he twisted it in the ignition just far enough to turn on the battery power. He was midway through his plan when there was a tap on the window. He lifted his head from where he was crouching out of sight to see Sam mouthing 'we need to talk'. He finished his business and then slid back out of the vehicle.

"What?" Callen bit out, annoyed that Sam could have easily blown his cover.

"What are you doing?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows.

Callen turned back to the car, "That? I changed all of Kensi's stations. She'll blame it on Deeks. It'll be entertaining."

Sam smirked and nodded. "Nice." Then his face lost all expression. "I think I found something. We need to make a call."

* * *

_Later, in Hawaii..._

"Head's up, Max just left." Charlie waited until the medical examiner had cleared the doorway to call Kono. "Did everything go smooth?"

Kono was slipping out of Max's office as she picked up the phone. "I put the towel where you told me in the piano. Is this going to work?"

Charlie leaned back in his chair, satisfied that their plan had gone smooth. "When he hits a key all he'll get is a muffled thump. It'll work perfectly."

Kono laughed as she slid into her car. "That'll teach him to pick his paintball team more carefully. Revenge can be slow but sweet."

* * *

Steve was half under the couch in Chin's office when he heard Max's voice above him.

"What are you doing?"

"What are you doing?!" Steve slid out from under the couch and rubbed the bump on his head where it had bounced off the crosspiece. "Why are you here?"

Max opened his hand to show a paintball and some cardboard. "I am constructing a device on Mr. Williams' chair that will explode paint on the back of his knees when he sits down. It is April Fool's today and social convention says that today is the day that we may play clever tricks. I intend to take part this year."

"Oh." Steve blinked and nodded. "Carry on."

"What ploy are you devising?"

"Me? Well, Chin has been using this couch to sleep on while his house is being fumigated. I'm lengthening the back legs so he'll roll off tonight."

"Ah. Best of luck to your engineering designs." Max turned and trotted over to Danny's office to plant his prank.

Steve had just started twisting his screwdriver when his phone started to ring. He grunted and blindly dug around for his pocket. "McGarrett." The voice on the other end skipped the pleasantries and jumped straight to business.

* * *

"Head's up!" the whispered warning came from the far side of the helicopter and was followed by a marker rolled underneath it.

Chin snatched the marker off the ground and went to work 'decorating' Kamekona's face on the door. The marker was washable, but that didn't take away any of the fun of drawing an elaborate mustache on Kamekona's likeness. Danny brushed off his knees and casually leaned against the nose. His eyes were in constant motion and if anyone looked in their direction too long he would glare until they moved on.

"Where is the big guy anyway?" Chin asked as he drew the curl at the end of the mustache.

Danny chuckled. "Delivering Steve's Jello knife."

Chin stuck his head around to peer up at Danny. "What?"

"He lifted Steve's favourite SEAL knife and sunk it into a Jello mold. He's going to rearrange the fridge so Steve finds it tonight." Danny shuffled his feet and smirked. "I bet its shrimp-flavoured Jello."

Chin smiled, but was too focused on putting the finishing touches on his artwork to reply. A quick stroke and he was done; he capped the marker and stepped back. "Let's check them out." He and Danny walked to each other's and had a good laugh. Chin was still grinning while he climbed into Danny's car and when he answered the phone call from Steve.

* * *

Steve and Chin were in the middle of discussing the new development when a yelp of frustration ricocheted through the office. Kono was walking past Danny's door as it happened and her head swivelled to catch Chin's eyes with her wide eyes. She put her head down and rushed past towards the bathroom.

Danny came charging out of his office and stormed towards the same bathroom. Steve and Chin muffled their laughter at the sight of the bright pink paint splayed across the bottoms of Danny's pants. They took a moment to enjoy Danny's misfortune and Kono's squeak of denial but then Steve pulled out his phone and dialed.

* * *

_But what of LA?_

Eric walked into the hallway where Callen and Sam were having a hushed conversation with whoever Sam was on the phone with. "Hey, uh, I have a question. Did either of you..." He never got to finish his question as the partners turned, glared at him and hissed "Not now!" He turned and rush out of the hallway, but not before he could hear Sam mumble something about a detective and a secret agenda. He shrugged and kept moving. He even kept moving when he came across Kensi and Deeks rolling Sam's beloved chair into a storage closet while whispering about 'taking hostages'. Callen's entire pen collection might have been clutched in Deeks' hand as well, but he's not sure because he kept moving.

* * *

An ocean apart, two teams were called together, one clustered in a boat house and another standing around a table in an expansive office. Both team leaders adopted an arms-crossed, legs planted stance and glared at their detective. Looks jumped from team member to team member, some knowingly, some confused, some worried.

After the tension had built to a dizzyingly level, the clipped words came out of the team leaders' mouths "We know what you've been up to."

A dark shade of red worked up the necks of the detectives; out of a sense of embarrassment in LA and out of resentment in Hawaii. They opened their mouths to reply and retort "I

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	25. April Fools: LA Style

_A memorandum from the desk of Henrietta Lange_

_Dear all readers,_

_The previous posting was produced in a haze of maniacal grinning and evil laughter. Social customs dictate that 'April Fools!' was meant to be stated at the conclusion; however this was not present in the coding. In order to preserve the integrity of both the teams and the storyline, I ended said post, post-haste. Those responsible have been reprimanded. Enjoy the _real_ Aprilscherz stories._

_Signed,_

_Hetty_

* * *

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**April Fools: LA Style**

Deeks groaned and flopped over the side of the dumpster, desperately seeking sweet-smelling air. It was less rancid on the outside, but an oozing can of mystery meat that was the hub of activity for the local population of flies was not the relief he was looking for. A high pitched squeal from the neighbouring dumpster pulled his attention and he watched as his partner vaulted out of hers and ran over to him.

"Get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off!" Kensi danced in place, shaking and smacking at her back.

Deeks' eyes raced across his partner's back, trying to find the offending item. His eyes landed on a slimy, moldy, half-disintegrated banana peel. "Hold still!" he said as he wiped it off and threw it to the ground with a splat. He used the sleeve of his coverall to clean off the leftover slime. "It's off."

Kensi tried to look over her shoulder at the spot and Deeks had to hide his smile because she looked so worried. She shivered and said "I _hate_ bananas. Why are we doing this? Explain it to me."

He ticked the reasons off on his fingers. "Callen's the team leader and therefore delegated this task, with relish. Sam's too delicate for this kind of work. Eric gets twitchy when he gets pulled away from his computer. And Nell would be lost in the bowels of the dumpster, never to be found again."

"It's all Callen's fault." Kensi crossed her arms and glowered at her dumpster. "He should pay."

"That's my girl...uh...partner...uh...kick-ass NCIS agent." Deeks wobbled in the middle, but rescued himself in the end. "Got any ideas?"

"No." Kensi turned from her dumpster to face her partner. "Isn't mayhem part of what you're good at? What would you do?"

Deeks' face lit up and he smiled, "I thought you'd never ask" and then he sneezed.

* * *

"So, do you have any ideas yet?" Kensi turned to her partner at the stop light and raised her eyebrows.

"I think we should pull into that parking lot over there and pick up a snack." He gestured towards the lot.

"Fine, but what about the..."

"Don't miss the turn! It'd be a pain to get around the block." Deeks hurried to cut off Kensi's sentence as her mouth started to form the word 'pranks'. She narrowed her eyes, but got the hint and parked the SUV. She pushed her door open and slammed it, stalking around the vehicle to meet Deeks at the back.

"What was that about?"

"Hetty has..." Deeks glanced back into the car and tugged on Kensi's arm to pull her away from it. "Hetty has cameras in the car. And no, they don't just point outside. I'd rather not get in trouble, well, more trouble."

"You're in trouble? How do you know about these cameras?" Kensi crossed her arms and glared at Deeks.

"When it comes to Hetty, I think I'm in perma-trouble. And it's a long story as to how I found out about the cameras." He led the way to the snack shack and ordered something for himself and something sugary for Kensi. They headed over to the half wall and perched on it. For a few minutes they dug into their snacks while watching the crowds flow by.

Kensi's mouth was empty enough to talk and she asked again what Deeks' plans were.

"The first step is to get into that house to find out what he does have in there. It's hard to plan pranks without prior knowledge of the target."

"You're talking about surveillance."

"Yes I am."

Kensi grinned. "Leave that to me. He won't suspect questions from me."

Deeks' grin matched hers. "This is going to be good." He rubbed a thumb against her chin, "You've got some chocolate stuck there." He licked the finger, "mmm, sweet."

Kensi shoved his arm and he almost bounced off of the wall. He clutched his arm, moaning about his wounded arm while Kensi smirked. The passersby smiled at the antics as they moved along their way.

* * *

"You want to buy a what?" Callen stared, wide-eyed at the brunette.

Kensi shushed him. "I don't want everyone to know yet, I just want to kick a few tires, y'know, see what's out there."

With furrowed eyebrows, Callen tapped his chin. "Why me? Sam's had more experience with this, mine kind of fell into my lap."

"I know, but Sam'll tell me what I should get and if I go alone, the agents will try and pull something because I'm a girl."

"What about Deeks?"

Kensi pierced him with a stare, "I would also like to be taken seriously. His hair screams 'I have no hope of paying my mortgage on time'."

Callen nodded his agreement. "Fair enough, where would you like to start?"

"Are there any houses for sale in your neighbourhood?"

"I've seen a few signs. How about you come by tonight and we'll see what we can find."

Kensi smiled and nodded. As she walked away from Callen she pulled out her phone and tapped out a message to her partner: _I'm in_.

* * *

Deeks slid out of the bushes as Kensi's car turned the corner. She'd done her part perfectly; Deeks had a mental checklist of all the items she noted in her sweep of Callen's house and had managed to guarantee him three full hours while they went house hunting. He swung his duffel bag of supplies up on his shoulder and walked to the back door. The trick to a successful pranking is confidence and he had that in spades thanks to the extra large coffee and full bag of M&M's he'd eaten while hidden in the foliage. Maybe it was just a very large sugar rush, but that wasn't important. He had a job to do. The door lock unclicked thanks to his skilled picking and he stepped over the threshold.

Time to have some fun, he thought to himself as he rubbed his hands together in glee.

* * *

Kensi waved as she pulled out of his driveway. Callen slipped his key into the lock and pushed the door open. They had looked at a few houses, but Kensi still wasn't sure whether or not she was going to buy, but they had a couple more to see. He dropped his key chain and phone on the table beside the door, ready to relax for the night. He spun on his heel and headed for his kitchen.

Then stopped, very confused.

He blinked once or twice, tipped his head to the side and felt behind him for the light switch.

Light didn't change what he thought he saw in front of him. Unfortunately, it confirmed his suspicion. Someone had...well, he wasn't sure what to call it. He grabbed his phone and dialed Sam.

"Hey, something weird happened in my house...No, nothing dangerous, just strange...I think I need help." He hung up the phone and very carefully walked over to the centre of his living room. He was standing in the same position when Sam slid around the door with his gun drawn.

Callen took in the sight of his partner crouched in a proper firing position cradling his pistol. "Really, you come in here with that?"

Sam rolled his eyes as he holstered his weapon. "Your definition of 'not dangerous' is still much more dangerous than a normal person." Sam turned and looked at what Callen had been staring at for the past minutes. "What is this?"

"It appears that someone has unpacked my supply of toilet paper and stacked it into a massive wall. There's more in the hallway."

Sam nodded, trying to decide what question to ask first. "First, why do you have this much toilet paper? There must be 500 rolls just in here."

Callen shrugged. "I have a basement now and it was on sale."

Sam squinted and opened then closed his mouth. "Okay, second, what's behind it?"

"Not sure," Callen planted his hands on his hips. "I haven't moved any of them. That's why you're here. The door's about there." He pointed to a space in the centre of the wall. "Make a hole."

Instead of arguing, Sam walked over to where the hole was supposed to be and punched through it. The rolls tumbled down and soon there was a pile of them littered around Sam's feet. He lifted his feet and shuffled through into the kitchen. Callen followed close behind.

"There's a classic." Sam pointed at the sink. "The sprayer is taped down and when you turn on the tap, you'll get sprayed." He loped over to it and unwound the very obvious tape. He turned to face Callen, smirked, and turned the water on full.

Callen really tried to say something first, but his mouth was only half open when the sprayer spewed water all over Sam. Callen watched as Sam's smirk morphed into a look of horror as he slammed the faucet closed again. "There's a wire rigged on it too." Callen finally got out.

"Why..." Sam peered at the set-up. "Ooh, this is good. We better check the rest of the house."

Callen turned and started opening cabinet doors, checking for wires and possible explosive materials. He didn't find any of those, but he scowled when he opened the cupboard holding his canned food. "They took all the labels off of my cans!"

Sam, who was in the midst of clearing the dining room, came back in and laughed. "You're going to be having mystery meals for a while."

They crept through the house, checking each of the rooms. Sam saved Callen from a confusing night of sleep when he found his bed had been short-sheeted. Callen swore something was up with the clocks in the house and they confirmed that they were all slightly off the correct time, so together they set them right. Feeling confident that they had found all of the problems, they settled into Callen's couch. However, some shifting made them realize that something was up with said couch. After they tore all the pillows off, dug into the back cushions, tipped it up and checked the underside, they finally found marbles that had been shoved into the pillows. Callen told Sam to leave them; he'd dig them out later.

Sam was out the door heading towards his car when he heard the yelp. He rushed back inside, pulling his gun and systematically checking the rooms until he was left with...the one room they didn't check on their first sweep! He edged around the door frame to find Callen staring in pure shock.

"The toilet paper was one thing but this...this is...this...I don't even know how!" Callen shrugged and scratched his head.

Sam holstered his gun for the second time and came through the door. He didn't have much to say either.

They stood and stared at Callen's tub. It was the kind that had three tiled walls and a curtain on the fourth, only the curtain had been replaced with some sort of heavy-duty plastic that was also wrapped inside the whole tub area. Somehow it had been attached to the wall and was holding in...

"Is that a goldfish?" Sam was the first to speak.

"Someone turned my shower into a fish tank!"

* * *

Two very satisfied partners sat on their beach chairs, watching the last of the sun drop below the horizon and wiggling their toes in the sand. They clinked their beer bottles and tried not to giggle _too _loud.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except a maniacal gleam and itch to prank.  
**A/N I:** Thanks to HayNSW2711, shestarsky, jmlane1966, storyfan101, AgentFraniJones, and sunny irish for leaving a comment.  
**A/N II:** But what of Hawaii you ask? Stay tuned...


	26. April Fools: 5-0 Style

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own.  
**A/N I:** Thanks to HayNSW2711, Craftygirl11, ncisloverinnc, SupernaturalGeek, volvagia09, storyfan101, AgentFraniJones, leeanz, shestarsky, PurpleHipposRock, jmlane1966, loveRnB, , pheonixriv, guest m, guest (x3), Tanschana, Gemini girl 96, Mei2, and NCISRookie33 for dropping reviews!  
**A/N II:** Originally this was supposed to be up last Wednesday, but I wasn't done/happy with it. Now I am and here it is...

* * *

**April Fools: 5-0 Style **

He was not crazy. No matter what some might claim, he was quite in control of his sensibilities. He may pull stunts that appear insane, but he's always, well, mostly, in control. But this, this was causing him to slightly unravel.

It was supposed to be his day off. He had a dentist appointment in the middle of the day and just took the whole day off so he could run errands, but right now it looked like the only running he'd be doing is running scared.

He was not crazy...but he was starting to get paranoid.

* * *

The day had started off the same way every other one did. He'd woken up and started his coffee maker before stretching out. It wasn't a great idea to have coffee before heading out on a run, but he liked the taste and he made sure he didn't drink too much. When the bell on the machine dinged, he was finished his stretches and he drank down the coffee while fetching his newspaper and checking his phone. Coffee finished, he set out on his run.

So far, so good. But part way into his run he started to twitch. He seemed a bit more energetic than he normally would. Couldn't seem to focus either.

He was confused by the time he made it back to his house and went in search of his coffee grounds. The label confirmed his belief that it was decaf, but he couldn't shake the suspicion that it was caffeinated. He also couldn't shake the twitchiness.

It got worse after his shower when he went to brush his teeth and something twigged in his mind as he squeezed out the toothpaste. Halfway through, he pulled the brush out of his mouth and spat out the toothpaste. It was a different colour and taste! But it was the same tube he always used. He shook his head and finished his teeth.

His pants threw him another curveball. He grabbed his favourite pair of cargo pants and yanked them on, only to find the bottom hem hanging a full six inches off the floor. His legs hadn't grown since he was a teen, but did he wash his pants wrong? Did he accidently shrink them? He kicked them off and he grabbed a pair of shorts instead. It didn't matter if they had shrunk a little bit, although it appeared that they were fine.

Unfortunately he had no time to waste as he needed to get out of the house if he was going to get all his errands done before his appointment. He grabbed his keys and ran out the door to his truck, swung in and reached for the brake pedal.

Reached?

What, now his legs were too short?

He grumbled and huffed as he shimmied his seat forward, clicking it into a closer spot. Must be because he's wearing sandals and not boots.

He made it to his first stop with no issues and found everything he was looking for. The problems started when he pulled out his wallet to pay. He dug out his debit card, only to find he had pulled out...a Victoria Secret savings card? Maybe Catherine was trying to leave a hint. The cashier stared at him as he went through every slot until he found his debit card packed in with his credit card. Clearly he wasn't paying attention the last time he put it away.

The rest of his errands went fine and he made it to his appointment on time, but he was feeling...befuddled.

* * *

_3 weeks earlier_

The team waved as Steve boarded the plane that would take him to the aircraft carrier for his training update. The watched as it lifted into the sky and disappeared.

Danny turned and stretched. "Well, I'm glad he's gone." Chin and Kono turned to their teammate and stared at him. "What!? I need a break from him being a SEAL-ness."

Chin squinted, "SEAL-ness? Are you referring to the fact that he is a SEAL?"

"No, sometimes he's such a princess but in an overly testosterone way. He's been so moody lately."

Kono cleared her throat "and whiney."

Chin sighed, "and snoopy."

Danny grinned, "See, we've all noticed. He's been a pain for a while. And I still can't believe he thinks Brady is a better quarterback than Manning. Please. There's no 'house that Brady built'."

"You're going to hold onto that for a while, aren't you?" Kono smirked at the scowling detective.

He crossed his arms and mumbled "It was a terrible thing to say and I am taking it personally."

"That aside," Chin held out his hands and eyed the other two. "I think we need a plan."

"For what?" Kono's face showed her confusion as she looked at her cousin.

Danny was curious as well. "Yeah, what she said."

Chin mentally rolled his eyes, leave it to Danny to second someone else's opinion in more words than the original statement. "A plan to put the pain in our collective butt in his place." Then he grinned a grin that neither one of them had ever seen before – and it worried them.

* * *

_Present times_

Chin calmly walked away from where Steve's truck sat in the dentist parking lot. He grabbed a seat at a nearby outdoor cafe and pulled out his list. Danny had taken much pleasure in breaking into Steve's house last night while he was out with Catherine to plant the pants Kono had stolen and shortened, to switch out the coffee grounds, and squeeze different toothpaste into Steve's tube. Kono had swung by after her late surveillance shift she had done for HPD and moved Steve's truck seat as well as messed with his wallet. She was stealthy and able to sneak in and out without Steve noticing.

He smiled to himself as he thought back to when they were working out the plan while eating Kamekona's newest shrimp concoction. Danny was surprised by the complexity of Chin's plan, but Kono had just stared at him and stated that she wasn't shocked that he had these kinds of tricks up his sleeve. He had laid out his ideas and they all picked their parts. It wasn't a coincidence that Steve's dentist appointment was today. Chin had 'rescheduled' it for him when they had finalized the plan. Speaking of rescheduling, Chin had an email to send.

* * *

Steve was laid back in his chair, waiting for his mouth to freeze enough for the dentist to start his work. They had left him alone while he waited and he was playing with his phone until an email popped up. He opened it, read it, and then panicked. He speed-dialed Chin, figuring that he would be the most honest with him.

"Hey Steve, how's your day off?"

"Schiiiin, I thouwch zeh buuggit meeeetigh wazz necht weech."

"What was that? Are you at the dentist?"

Steve scowled, well, he wanted to scowl but the freezing caused only his forehead to participate in the facial expression. "Yesh, I em acht zeh dentish. Emaaal ahboght zeh buggit meeeetigh."

"Hmm, are you talking about a meeting?"

"Yesh! Buggit!"

"A buggy meeting? Are there insects in the office? Or is there a virus in our computer system?"

"Noooh." Steve tried to swallow but still felt some spit dribbling out. Not wanting to be caught drooling, he wiped it away while trying to figure out how to explain what he was saying. "Buggit, wistch moneee and pahy chechks."

Chin hummed into the phone and mumbled Steve's words. "Ah! Money and pay checks. Are you talking about the budget meeting?"

"Yesh! Ezts tumoorrough?"

"It's in two weeks. What did the dentist give you?"

"Buh I guot en emaaal."

"An email? It must have been a mistake. Don't worry about it."

"'Kay. Bye." Steve hung up the phone in relief. It was perfect timing as the dentist walked back in while snapping on his gloves.

* * *

Steve stumbled back into his house, his mouth still slightly frozen. He was tired as all the events of the day had taken a toll on him. He could have sworn he'd grown taller during his dentist appointment because when he tried to climb into his truck, he found it lower than normal. Somewhere in the back of his mind a thought bubbled out that his tires looked a little soft, but he was too exhausted to acknowledge it. He kicked his sandals off and collapsed face first onto the couch. He was lying there half-asleep when Catherine came running in the door, full of energy. She shook his shoulder and he groaned into the couch cushion.

"What's with you? It was your day off and you're tired?" Catherine smiled behind Steve's back.

"It was awful." The cushion muffled his words, but his whimpering tone came through.

"Oh, what happened?" Catherine tugged him into a seated position.

"The coffee was...toothpaste colour...too tall and then too short...lingerie...changed date...tooth...tall again...face hurts." His head fell back against the couch and his eyes closed.

Catherine tapped her chin with her finger. "Huh, that sounds eventful. It's time for dinner, do you want some soup to get the last of the freezing out?"

Steve gently shook his head no.

"How about we get you up to bed; you can sleep off whatever's still in your system."

A gentle nodding yes prompted Catherine to pull him up off the couch and together they worked the way up the stairs where he flopped onto his bed. His last thought before he fell asleep was that this was the worst first day of the month ever.

* * *

"So?" Kono grinned as Catherine pulled her chair up to the table.

She grabbed a pretzel and smiled. "Bewildered."

"Confused." Chin added.

"Baffled." Catherine supplied.

"Totally disorientated." Chin said while holding in laughter.

Danny waved his hands, "In summary, a successful prank on our fearless leader."

"Completely." Catherine giggled.

Danny raised his glass, "A toast to our own scheming, plotting, conspiring, and never-to-be-fully-trusted-again, Chin Ho Kelly!"

A chorus of 'here-here's' sounded along with clinking glasses and laughter.


	27. The Ghost of Surfer Past

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosse**s

**Disclaimer:** What's that? Both shows have been renewed? And I still don't own them? bummer.  
**A/N I:** Thanks for all the reviews for the April Fools extravaganza, thanks to TMVH50, volvagia09, leeanz, jmlane1966, HawNSW2711, storyfan101, chazzlehazzle, SupernaturalGeek, shestarsky, loveRnB, guest m, tvj12, Guest, MeganT (glad I could help!), Mei2, fanficlover, and Susan I. Grabon.  
**A/N II:** And to those (TMVH50, chazzlehazzle, and MeganT) who wondered about story swapping? Read on.

* * *

**The Ghost of Surfer Past**

"It always has to be surfers. Why is it on all our cases we end up on the beach asking wet and sandy people questions?" Danny's nose crinkled and his eyes tightened.

Steve smirked. "We live on a tropical island that, by definition, is edged in beaches. Besides, I don't see you complaining when that wet and sandy person happens to be wearing a bikini."

Danny snorted. "I'm not going to dignify that with an answer." He crossed his arms and scanned the beach and surf for their witness. "We're going to have to split up. There are too many people to cover to do it together."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Steve smiled and batted his eyelashes, "And here I thought we were getting along so well." He pulled the car into a parking spot.

Danny grumbled about impossible partners and surfers as he climbed out of the car. He pointed Steve towards the far end of the beach and stalked off towards the opposite end.

It had been 15 unproductive minutes of translating surfer-speak and hearing about how their 'dude' was a legend but they hadn't seen him for a day or two. Even when he pointed out that this guy was not in trouble and they just wanted to know what he'd seen, the surfers wouldn't say a word. He was backing away from another futile conversation when he bumped into something wet.

"Watch where you're going." Danny ground out, trying to dampen his frustration in hopes that he wouldn't give these people more reasons to not talk. He spun around to face yet another surfer towel drying his head.

"Here, maybe this'll help." The surfer's voice was muffled by the towel whipping around his head, but his other hand held out a mostly-dry towel.

"Thanks." Danny found a dry patch and tried to pat the moisture off his back. He had another shirt in the trunk of the car, but that would require a trek back up to the parking lot. He waited while the man in front of him stepped over to his pile and folded up his towel. Danny followed suit and passed it over. "Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

The surfer snorted, "Of course you're a cop, no one else would come onto the beach in those shoes." However the smirk on his face and the snarl on Danny's face died away when they got their first look at each other.

"Deeks? What are you doing here?" Danny looked at the man that he'd essentially been pen-paling with, "What happened to your face?!"

Deeks unconsciously raised his hand up to his cheek. "Uh, kind of got into a fight and was dragged a bit."

"Let me guess, concrete floor?"

"Yeah, I got him in the end though."

Danny squinted at him. "Doesn't explain why you're in Hawaii."

"Oh, that. Simple, I'm supposed to be dead."

* * *

The information they had pulled from their witness had settled their course of action for the next day. Danny had pushed for them to leave the raid for another day; it was getting late and he had a LAPD detective stashed in his guest bedroom with a story to tell.

Once Deeks had realized why Danny was stomping around the beach, they had gone back to the group of surfers that Danny was sure had more information than they were saying. Deeks had done some fast talking and Danny had all his questions answered in a matter of minutes. He'd then given Deeks his address and told him they'd meet up after work was done and Deeks would do some explaining.

Danny checked the door, seeing if Deeks had locked it behind him. He had and Danny pulled out his keys. He found Deeks sprawled on his couch, watching, what else, the surfing channel. "You find the spare key?"

"Nah, used my picks. But the key's tucked under the lip of the flower pot on the right side of the door, right?"

"You look for it?"

"Guessed; you're shorter so reaching up would look awkward, and the lip is about at your hand's height. Most people look in the flower pots, not behind them."

"I appreciate you unlocked the door, Steve would break the door down and then spend the rest of the afternoon putting it back together."

Deeks furrowed his brow. "Why?"

"He'd get bored and want the project."

Deeks laughed and turned off the TV. "I tend to cook when I get bored. Supper's in the oven."

Danny peered at him, "It smells like..." He popped the oven open and found a pizza box. "That's an interesting pan, you use them often?"

"A buddy clued me into a decent pizza place. I figured I'd keep it warm."

Danny slid the box out and opened it up. He grabbed a slice and settled into a chair. "Now, why are you dead?"

Deeks chomped down on his slice and chortled around it. "One of the older tricks in the book. We killed off one of my aliases and hoping our bad guy makes an appearance at the funeral. Problem is, the funeral's not for a couple of days and Hetty wanted me gone just in case somebody saw me. I took the opportunity to get in some surfing."

"Were you planning on saying hi at any point?"

Deeks faced coloured slightly. "I, uh, got distracted on the way in from the airport. But now that I'm here, I've got a story to tell you..."

* * *

Two slices of pizza later, Deeks was finishing up. "...the next day Callen was in a mood because he'd spent the entire night putting his house back the way it was."

"He was tired? Steve's a bear when he's sleepy. A bear with a loaded gun."

Deeks nodded. "Sam's like that, but no, Callen never sleeps anyway. He spent the first hours dusting for fingerprints" A smile grew on his face, "which he did not find due to my gloves. He was all grumpy because he couldn't figure out who did it and how they accomplished it."

"He never suspected Kensi?"

"She headed that off when she offered to come and hunt for hair or sweat for DNA analysis. She also walked him into deciding that it must have been multiple people to get all the pranks accomplished in that short time."

"Walked him into deciding?"

"Suggestions, questions, and such and then let him draw his own conclusion."

"What about you, you're not under investigation?" Danny squinted at his friend, sure he would actually be dead if Callen knew it was him.

Deeks laughed and held up his hand. "I 'accidently'" he grinned as he hooked his fingers around the word "stapled my finger when they were talking about me. Sam pretty much wrote me completely off. I had to 'stumble' into a table to convince Callen."

Danny laughed and waved his finger at Deeks. "You did good, but you have to hear what Chin spear-headed..."

* * *

"Catherine said we may have broke him. She said there could have been a sheen of tears." Danny had delivered the story in his true style – complete with hand waving and pointing, but he stated the final line with a straight face.

The corners of Deeks' mouth twitched as he stared at Danny looking almost...sorry.

It didn't last.

They both burst out laughing. Danny ended up laying sideways on the couch holding his sides and Deeks was clutching the arms of his chair to keep from pitching off of it onto the floor.

"Well aren't you two a sight." The voice broke through their frivolity.

Deeks swiped at his eyes, trying to clear the moisture that had built up and Danny tried to straighten himself up while hiccupping. They took in the person standing by the empty pizza box, hands on hips.

"Catherine, meet Deeks. Deeks, this is Catherine." Danny waved towards the two of them to complete the introductions.

"Hmm." Catherine squinted at the smirking LA detective. "I'd ask for an explanation but I doubt I'll get a straight answer. Steve asked me to drop this off on my way home." She plopped a bag holding a freshly laundered shirt on the table and turned for the door.

"You don't have to go, we have...had pizza." Danny waved her back.

"No, I don't want to break up your sleepover party."

Deeks scoffed. "Little girls have sleepover parties, this is crashing on a buddy's couch."

Catherine, with her hand on the door, shook her head. "You were clearly giggling like little girls. Sleepover it is." She dashed out the door before any retorts could be made.

Deeks eyes twinkled. "I like her."

"She's dating Steve."

"She's too far away. I don't do well with long distances."

"Right. You're scared of his SEALness."

"The fact that he could probably snap my neck by flinching has nothing to do with this. Another beer?" Deeks launched out of his chair and headed towards the fridge.

"You're avoiding! Whatever, I'll let it go." Deeks passed him the bottle and Danny popped the top off. "Now, tell me more about the construction of this fish tank."

* * *

"You'll pass on the T-shirt?"

"For the fourth time, yes. You do realize Grace is not going to be impressed you came without visiting her." Danny crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow.

"I know...I promise I'll get back for a visit. And send pictures." Deeks held up his hand with three fingers up. "Scout's honour."

"I'm sure that means as much from you as it does coming from me." Danny rolled his eyes. "Now go get on your plane. Don't be late to your own funeral."

"Hetty's in charge, I'm sure she'd speed up the plane with the power of her mind if necessary. Thanks for the hospitality."

"Sure." Danny smiled and they bro-hugged it out. Deeks dashed towards his gate as they made the final call and Danny started to weave his way back to the parking lot.

They had spent most of the last two days swapping stories that are too difficult to do over texts and emails and eating pizza. Danny had demanded a rematch of Battleship and hadn't fared much better. Deeks claimed it was the time spent with Sam and Hetty that had honed his strategy skills but Danny was sure he was cheating. After a brief explanation, Deeks had accepted Catherine's role in their elaborate cover-up and now had her number stored in his phone. Overall it was a successful few days. Now it was back to work.

* * *

**A/N:** This took a bit to get out because I wasn't in the mood to write this story and I've been working on a couple others instead. This one might go on hiatus for awhile until I get some more ideas (inspiration is always welcomed). I have one or two more chapters bouncing around my head right now, but I promise that if/when I end this one it will go out with a bang not a fizzle.


	28. Decomposing Ninja

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** I own them! No I don't.  
**A/N:** This story is still (officially) on hiatus, but I managed to finish this chapter so I'm putting it up. Thank you for all the encouragement and the sprinkling of ideas you've left. I can't always reply, but I always appreciate your support and input. Thanks to Cirx, storyfan101, ncisloverinnc, tvj12, NCISRookie33, jmlane1966, TMVH50, HayNSW2711, volvagia09, SupernaturalGeek, densidoodle, Mei2, Guest, LisaG16, guest m, TheCatsWhiskers, cflat16, MeganT, Tabby, fanficlover, Guest, Gemini girl 96, Alcycone-blk, tcock10, & Crawcolady for leaving notes!

* * *

**Decomposing Ninja**

"Inner ninja!" Deeks moved to the music in his head, occasionally busting out some moves and lyrics during the chorus. He wiggled in the passenger seat of the van they were using for surveillance. Kensi rolled her eyes and studiously refused to look at her dancing partner.

"For a dead guy, you move a lot." She shoved another piece of candy in her mouth.

"I'm singing backwards, you know, decomposing." He hammed up the joke and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"No. Why are you here? I thought that you were supposed to be gone for the funeral? Kind of ruins it if the deceased shows up alive." She crunched the candy, happy to take her frustration out on something.

"I was in my clean shaven and serious phase then; super-short hair and no beard. Hetty's sending me in as a cousin." He leaned over and got close to the side of Kensi's face. "Wanna be my date?"

"Ew." She wrinkled her nose. "Who brings a date to a funeral?"

"Someone who wants to impress family they don't see often, someone who does not want to get hit on by that weird second cousin that may or may not actually be part of the family, someone who needs a ride to the funeral." Deeks ticked off his points on his fingers.

"That was a quick answer, any due to experience?" Kensi tore her eyes away from the windshield and made a face at her partner.

"Nah, those are the reasons I've been a date for weddings. Never been to too many funerals."

"Clearly." She sighed. "No one has been in or out of this place for hours. How sure are you that these guys would toss the apartment your hairless alter-ego lived in?"

Deeks shrugged. "I doubt it, but Hetty said to cover all the angles. I'm pretty sure they'll show up at the funeral, if only to assure themselves that Dave Wilcox is dead."

"Who is this guy and why do they want him dead?"

"Davey? He was an old school gambler; very serious about his betting and poker. Kind of a throwback to the riverboat shysters back from the late 1800's. The department was trying to put together a Capone-like tax evasion case on this gang. I cleaned them out and then they were forced to dirty-up their previously squeaky-clean books. It worked and put a bunch of them in jail and opened them up for more charges."

"You play poker?"

Deeks smile got an enigmatic quality that had a Hetty-esque edge to it. "Davey sure could. We plunked the money into undercover ops and finally had a budget for quality equipment and backstopping." The smile faded. "Still not what NCIS has, but I like to think it saved some lives." He sighed and shifted in his seat. "They'll show because I always said I buried their money, literally buried it. To them that means it's still out there somewhere. That amount of cash could reenergize their entire criminal operation."

"Do you think they'll go after the cousin?" Kensi peered at her partner, possibly worried for his safety. "How are you going to play it?"

He shrugged, "We'll see what happens." He bounced his fingers off the door. "I'd rather not think about it now, over-thinking tends to be dangerous. How'd the last few days go?"

It was her turn to shrug. "Fine. We got what we done what we needed to get done." She bit her lip and glanced over at Deeks. "Hey...there's something we should talk about."

Deeks face split into a smile with a hint of leer. "I keep telling you, I'm..."

Kensi held up her hand and cut him off. "Stop! I'm serious. A while back you drank a spiked cup of coffee and we've never discussed it."

"Yeah, Sam and Callen got a little desperate there."

Kensi spun to face him. "Wait, you knew it was them?"

"I figured it wasn't Hetty or you because it wasn't your style."

Her eyes crinkled tight, "I have a style? What's Hetty's style?"

"You would've just cold-cocked me in the head. Dropped me with a hit or two."

"Two?" She scoffed. "With a good wind-up I could do it in one."

Deeks smiled, letting Kensi have that one. "Considering I didn't wake up with a blow dart sticking out of my butt that had been dipped in the poison formed from a extremely rare species of tree frog only found in the deepest part of the Amazon known to only a handful of scientists as _Henriettium dangerousia_ which happens to be a powerful sedative, I knew it couldn't have been our formidable leader Ms. Lange."

"Blow dart in the butt with frog drugs?" Kensi wrinkled her nose and thought about that one. "Yeah, that sounds like something Hetty would do."

Deeks laughed. "By process of elimination, I figured it was the wonder twins. That, and Hetty told me it was them."

Kensi joined in the laughter and then thought hard, "If you knew it was them, why haven't you said anything?"

"I know what they want and I don't want to remind them that they were looking for it."

Kensi kind of bounced in her seat, "What are they looking for?"

Deeks hissed, "I don't know..."

"Come on, I can keep a secret!" Deeks narrowed his eyes at her. "I can! I did great at April Fools!"

"Okay...but you can't tell anyone." Kensi nodded eagerly and Deeks gave in. "They've been obsessed with trying to find out who I've talking with and have been doing some crazy things to find out. I've been followed, they tried to convince Eric to hack my phone, and then they tried drugging me."

"Who have you been talking with?"

"That's the thing! It's just a buddy, another cop." A sly grin slid onto his face. "I haven't told them because it's too much fun watching them fixate on it...and then thwarting them."

Kensi thought on that for awhile. "It is kind of amusing watching them suffer." She chewed on her lip. "Can I help?"

Deeks narrowed his eyes, "Do you want to? I'm not telling you his name."

She struggled with that for a moment and then shrugged. "It's better to have plausible deniability. But I think I should _pretend_ I know." She giggled a bit. "I can totally do this."

Deeks rolled his eyes and huffed. "We'll see. Just...take it slow at first. Don't oversell it."

"Who, me?" Kensi flapped her hand and fluttered her eyelashes.

"The secret's doomed. Start the van, we should get back for the funeral festivities."

* * *

Kensi leaned on Callen's arm and scanned the mourners around the casket. Sam, who was standing behind and slightly off to the side of Callen was doing the same. Callen was focussed on following Deeks through the crowd from behind his sunglasses. They had introduced themselves as a 'business associate' of the dearly departed Dave Wilcox (Callen), his wife (Kensi), and his...'personal assistant' also known as a bodyguard (Sam). Nell stood off to the side with a tablet, supposedly a representative from the funeral home who was coordinating the service.

Deeks, while being dressed by Hetty, had been subject to many snorts of derision and tsking due to the raggedly appearance of his hair. She didn't like the wild blond locks but suffered through it knowing he needed the cover. She told him that her clippers would be out the moment he stepped back through the door. He was swerving through the crowd, chatting and searching. So far, nothing had popped.

Kensi scanned the crowd but her eyes always made their way back to her partner. Suddenly he was on the phone and distracted. He was trying to talk but it looked like he kept getting cut off.

"Wonder who he's talking to now." Callen rolled his eyes.

"Oh, a buddy of his." Kensi flipped her hair and looked in the opposite direction of Callen's curious face.

"How do you know that?" He demanded.

"They just finished a game of Battleship and it did not end well for the other guy." She smiled and laughed a little, but only a little because they were still at a funeral.

Callen frowned and his nose twitched. "Who is it?"

"I don't know. A guy he knows. I don't want to know everything that goes on in his life...I'd need to start showering in bleach." She shifted her shoulders and wrinkled her nose.

"Is it D-squared?" Callen was whispering but there was an intensity in his voice.

"Who?" Kensi asked, confused.

"Hmm, maybe it's that guy from Chicago...or was it Boston? I need his phone records."

"Excuse me?" Kensi glared at Callen. "If this has anything to do with that time you had me drug him, I forbid any further action."

"But..."

"Forbid it!" Kensi squeezed his arm. "Now, let's mingle, I think Deeks just gave me the signal that he found the guys." They began to move through the crowd, but Kensi did manage to catch Deeks' eye long enough to wink and for him to smirk back at her.

* * *

**A/N I:** Way back on 'Cat. Barn. Horse! Bag!' macberly had a good point about how Deeks was going to react to knowing about the drugging. I wondered too. Good point, macberly.  
**A/N II:** 'Inner Ninja' is a song by Classified, a rapper from Nova Scotia. When I'm feeling patriotic I bust out his version of 'Oh Canada'. And bragging rights go to whoever can figure out the singer and song Deeks's alias is based on. Hint: I was feeling a bit patriotic during the writing of this.


	29. Fallout in Hawaii

**Fluffy Hair and Nosy Bosses**

**Disclaimer:** Apparently I don't own either of these shows. Or so I'm told.  
**A/N I:** Thanks to HayNSW2711, Crawcolady, tvj12, macberly, jmlane1966, volvagia09, TMVH50, Gemini girl 96, NCISRookie33, Guest, knirbenrots, Mei2, Guest, new adventures, and loveRnB (whose review I think subconsciously supplied the title for this chapter) for the reviews!  
**A/N II:** Congratulations to Crawcolady (who was first), TMVH50, and a guest for getting the bragging rights. The alias in the previous chapter was based on David Wilcox and his song 'Riverboat Fantasy'.

* * *

**Fallout in Hawaii**

"...did you really think I wouldn't find out? How could you come here and not even say hi! No, it doesn't count that I was at a friend's house. You could've called! I have to find out _after_ you've already left that you showed up. A measly T-shirt is all you left me! It doesn't matter how I found out, the important thing is that I didn't find out from _you_." She paused to take a breath.

"Grace...I'm sorry?"

"You sure better be sorry." Deeks tried to interject but Grace cut him off. "How am I supposed to find out how Willy is doing? Huh? What about the rest of the animals? You haven't been sending me many pictures; have you not been visiting him? My friends all want to know how he's doing and the sleep-over I was at had all my friends at it. It would have been perfect for you to come over and tell us all about the aquarium. But noooo, instead you spent the entire time with my dad. I bet you even went surfing! Without me! We were going to take Danno out and he probably distracted you, I know what he's like when it comes to surfing, he doesn't want me anywhere near a board and you were going to help me fix that! The next time you decide to come here you better let me know or you'll be in real trouble!" Grace whipped the cell phone away from her head and pushed the 'end' button.

"Y'know, I miss the old phones, you got a lot more satisfaction from slamming it down as opposed to smashing a touch screen with your finger." Danny eyed his daughter from where he sat on the couch. He'd crossed his arms in an attempt to keep in the rolls of laughter that worked their way up his chest while she was talking. "Where'd you learn that?"

Grace smiled sweetly at her dad. "From you. It's kind of fun to rant."

"But we only do it when it's called for; now come here and let's watch this movie." He tapped the couch beside him.

"Then why do you rant so often?" She snuggled up beside her dad.

"Because Uncle Steve has rocks in his head instead of brains." He hit play and the movie started.

* * *

"Hellooo? Anything up there...besides rocks?" Catherine waved her hand in front of Steve's face.

"What?" Steve snapped out of whatever daze he was in and blinked a few times. "What were you saying?"

"Hmmm, maybe with all the hits to the head they've been turned to gravel." Catherine tapped her chin.

"What turned into gravel?" Steve had no idea what she was talking about.

"Never mind." She sat back against her chair and watched the waves roll against the beach.

Steve sighed. "Please don't confuse me...I'm still not sure which of my pants fit." He hung his head.

Catherine rubbed his back. "Aw, April Fool's was a long time ago, but the next one's coming up so you have time to plan."

"I can't believe it took me all that time to figure out what happened. I mean, I _know_ I didn't mess up the dates for the meeting and I couldn't have possibly grown and shrunk in one day. It took me so long to realize that it wasn't just a bad day and that it was actually April 1st." He swung his head to peer at Catherine. "You're still not sure who was behind the whole thing?"

Catherine shrugged. "No, it could have been anyone."

"I'm going to ask Chin. He'd be honest with me. I think I'll talk to him tomorrow."

Catherine nodded like the supportive girlfriend she was, but pressed her lips together to keep from giggling.

* * *

Chin pressed his lips together and cocked an eyebrow. Steve had him cornered in the back of the office and he wasn't moving anytime soon. "You want me to tell you who masterminded the April Fool's prank against you?"

Steve crossed his arms and Chin had to swallow a laugh; Steve was totally giving him his 'suspect stare' that was meant to get the truth.

"Yeah, I want to know who I should be targeting."

Him, Steve should be targeting him, but he wasn't going to tell Steve that. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Steve's face screwed up, it was part way to the oh-so-famous aneurysm face. "You know – I called you about that meeting!"

Chin sighed, "Steve, I think you may be over thinking this. Just because you had a series of bad events doesn't mean someone was out to get you, it could just be a coincidence."

"I don't believe in coincidences, not like that." He huffed. "Someone was behind it and I'm not stopping until I find out who it was."

"Okay, you do that." Chin clapped Steve on the shoulder and threaded his way past him back to his office. He dodged that bullet.

* * *

Danny returned fire after dodging an actual bullet. The suspect's semi-automatic jerked once more and a grouping of bullet holes was formed in the ceiling above Danny's head. However, Danny's well-placed rounds ensured that it was the last time that man would be firing at anyone. He cleared the room and moved towards the sounds of more bullets flying. He knew that Steve was trading fire with the other suspect. He carefully peeked around the corner just in time to see Steve hammer a double-tap to the suspect's chest.

"Well, they won't be trafficking anyone anymore." Danny smirked, "and you can't even tell me to book 'em, because there isn't anything to book. I'll call Max." Danny pulled out his phone and dialed the medical examiner's office to pick up the bodies.

Steve assessed the now dead suspects and rooted around the floor for any salvageable paperwork. Unfortunately suspect number two had used the desk as his cover, but there should still be something to give them some leads on other crimes.

Danny turned from finishing his phone call to find Steve now lifting one foot off the floor and slightly shaking it. He sighed, "I don't really want to, but I feel I have to ask. What are you doing?"

Steve frowned and sniffed. "I think someone messed with my boots and I'm only noticing now."

A huff and a roll of his eyes for added effect, Danny dropped his hands on his hips. "You are officially crazy. Nothing is wrong with your boots. I'm going out to the car."

"I'm not crazy." Steve mumbled. "I'm not crazy, everyone else is."

"Only crazy people talk to themselves." Danny called over his shoulder as he tromped out to the car.

Steve harrumphed and crossed his arms. He was not crazy.

* * *

**A/N:** Good news, there's the beginnings of a chapter 30, so don't fret, more will come (eventually).


End file.
